Monday, January 25, 2010

The Worst of the Conference Championships Vol.III

(If this isn't the best non-porno picture ever, it's got to be close. I bet that his tears taste like Heaven and grits.)

It was about damn time that we got some good football. I was getting nervous. Both games, while sloppy at times, were at least competitive throughout. But before I get going on the worst of the worst, I need to say something. To Sean Payton, that was an absolutely horseshit gameplan and play-calling yesterday. You should be embarrassed. Your team should have lost by 20 points. Thankfully, the opponent had a fetish for giving you the ball. You need to be better than that. That was not the Saints offense that rolled through the entire season. That was a joke. Speaking of jokes, I don't like it when the two MVP's from yesterday's games are both named "Pierre". What the fuck is that? Only pussies are named Pierre, not badass football players. But here we are, two weeks away from Super Bowl whatever the number is: The Battle of the Pierre's. They should play the game in Pierre, South Dakota and have former pro wrestler, Pierre Oullet, be the head referee. On with the discussion please, BUT FIRST!

Herm Edwards just picked the Jets and Vikings so expect the Colts and Saints to roll.--I said this on Friday in the comments. Please never doubt that Herm Edwards knows nothing about the NFL. Whoever he picks to win the Super Bowl, put your life on the opposite.

5. The PBA - Televised bowling has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. Do to late football starts yesterday, I was able to catch The Tournament of Champions. This is a major. The #2 seed was actually a woman, Kelly Kulick (she is as butch as they come). She ended up winning the title. A woman won a major. This is like if Lorena Ochoa was allowed to participate in The Masters and then won a green jacket. Yet this would never happen because men and women should not compete together. And now I am officially done watching the PBA. I can not stand for a woman being the best bowler in the world right now. Can't do it. Is this misogynistic? Hell yes it is and I don't care. It's embarrassing. Earl Anthony and Dick Weber must be rolling over in their graves right now. Fuck you, PBA.

4. Jim Leonhard - The Jets safety who Peter King loves was just horrendous yesterday. He was terrible. He missed tackles. He was awful in coverage. He never got to the QB. The Jets defense outside of Revis just sucked. I said on Friday that the Colts would need big games from Garcon and Collie to win and the Jets let them do whatever they wanted. Peyton was outstanding though. Looks like he is saving his playoff choke for the big game instead. I need to say this again, I hate the Colts.

3. Jay Feely - What is the deal with all the kickers being rotten in the postseason? Good job missing those two field goals and not beating the spread, jerk. And why does Feely wear gloves when he kicks? Is it so he can get a good grip on...air? Fuck you, Jay. As far as the Jets offense, they played well. Sanchez was actually pretty good, Braylon was a playmaker, and the line kept the Sanchize clean. But they were never the same after Shonn Greene got hurt. That killed them. It was a great run by the Jets though and I look forward to years and years of Rex Ryan's continued awesomeness.

2. Adrian Peterson - Dude, HOLD ONTO THE FUCKING BALL. How can a player this great be so fucking bad when it comes to hanging onto the rock. Childress needs to treat All Day like James Caan treated Darnell Jefferson in The Program. Make him have to carry a football with him at all times this offseason. If he does not return the ball everyday and someone else does instead, he gets his legs broken. I think that's fair. The Vikings put the ball on the turf something like 6 times. Holy shit, that is rotten. Can you imagine if both Jim Caldwell and Brad Childress were coaching in the Super Bowl? Wow, that would have been worse than the current worst Super Bowl coaches ever, Tony Dungy and Lovie.

1. Brett Favre - HAHAHAHAHA!!! What a perfect ending. Classic Brett Favre. I love it when Classic Favre peers his ugly head out and destroys everything in his path. The game was over. The Vikes were going to the Super Bowl. Capt. Dickhead then launches an unnecessary abortion over the middle and gets picked off. Wonderful. This is what the Vikings deserve for selling their souls and cheering on their mortal enemy/Mortal Immunity. I loved every second of that. The Saints beat the shit out of him all game AND he still had enough in the tank to fuck up huge at the end. No one fails more miserably in bigger moments than Brett Favre. He is such a turd. Please retire now, fucko. Or he could come back and do the exact same thing that he did last night. I would take either one because his soul-crushing picks are just great.

And then there were two. We were 18 seconds away from suffering through the most annoying Super Bowl of all time with Favre and Manning going at it. Thankfully, we were saved and now all of us have a team to root for. And how can you not love the Saints? Two of their 3 QB's (Brunell and Chase Daniel) are former Redskins greats! FYI, the Colts have opened as 5 point favorites (BetUS) and 3.5 at The Mirage. I would not be surprised if that jumps closer to 7 the way that New Orleans played yesterday.


Anonymous said...

Maybe my mind is shot, but I do remember She$ beating you in bowling. So does that mean that you wont bowl anymore.

Naptown wolverine

GMoney said...

I shouldn't. That was the worst day of my life. I think you went 4-0 on your picks this weekend...well done.

Grumpy said...

You watch the PBA? You really are a pussy.

GMoney said...

Bowling used to be awesome when everyone had beer guts and was at least 20 pounds overweight. Now they let women-Americans compete. It's just sad.

No one that likes the Dixie Chicks is allowed to call me a pussy, pussy.

Anonymous said...

It appears that I am in first place in your contest G$ after going 3-1 tomorrow.

I've made my hatred for all things Brett Favre known for years. I can only hope that his last play ever is a horrible INT that cost his team a super bowl spot.


Mr. Ace said...

Does anybody else want to take out a million dollar loan and bet it on the Colts? The Saints looked fucking terrible.

The Vikings would have been a better team with Chester Taylor as their starting running back. Seriously.

It deal feel awesome watching Favre going out the way he was meant to.

Dustin said...

If Ace is betting a mil on the Colts, I'm putting a mil plus my life on the Saints. When is the last time you didn't finish last in picks? Damn you're terrible. The Sussex house was discussing how awful you are at gambling and we came up with a correlation. You were good at your picks until your "May the Forcier Be With You" post. You have since gone to hell just like Michigan in all major sports. Maybe you should give up gambling and wasting our time on your shitty picks until Michigan can win more than 2 games in the B10?

GMoney said...

Smart football fans realize that Favre is an asshole who deserves to fail.

Dumb football fans think that Favre is just a kid out there and root for him no matter what.

I know what side I'm on. You can pretty much tell if someone follows the sport by asking them their opinion on Favre.

Mr. Ace said...

Dustin, I'm sorry I wouldn't go up to Axis with you on Saturday night, but I don't like dick in my ass like you do. That is no reason to attack me in the comments. Didn't Uncle T teach you anything...other then how to take dick?

As far as my picks, I went against Drew because he was in first and I needed to make up ground... which I think I said when I made my picks. I would have been on the Saints, but I would not have been on the Colts. I didn't even look at the O/U lines.

I've got nothing to prove to you turds...but I am flattered that Sussex is worried about my gambling skills.

GMoney said...

By the way, as someone who has a tendency to make money on the Pro Bowl, the AFC's QB's are Schaub, Vince Young, and Garrard. Looks like I will be riding my beloved blue-shirts yet again.

Grumpy said...

You bet the Pro Bowl? You're a pussy and a degenerate.

Mr. Ace said...

You are a pussy and a degenerate...but it has nothing to do with betting on the Pro Bowl. I will be sure to bet on the NFC to curse them.

Tony B. said...

I'm pretty sure the only thing lower on the totem pole of betting than the Pro Bowl is exhibition NHL hockey.

Fuck the Colts.

By the way, you can all send thank you cards to the Bears for preventing the Vikings from having home field advantage. That would have made a difference yesterday.

GMoney said...

Grumpy is ready, ready, ready, ready...READY TO RUN!!!

Hey, I've always heard that if you want to make money, betting WNBA games is the way to go. Seriously. I've never done it personally, but if it's as easy as wagering on the NFC every year, I may have to.

Anonymous said...

Dude. You act like the INT cost them the game?? NO WAY. You act like Longwell would drill that 57 yarder just like a chip shot.. Have you seen the kickers kick this post season? 57 aint no gimmie. The refs fucked the Vikes in OT plain and simple.. I blame no one but Brad Childress for 12 men in the huddle and AP for not holding onto the rock.


GMoney said...

The last play of the Vikings season was a horrible decision by that asshole. You're damn fucking right that helped cost them the game.