HEY!!! Some of you old timers here probably remember this feature. Back in the glory days of this site (pre-Mr. Ace), I ran a weekly segment in which I called out someone for being a dick. I figured that I needed to dust off this old chestnut today after what I heard yesterday. You see, I don't expect old people to get it. Especially in the sports world. Once you reach a certain age, you no longer relate well to the changing times. You end up getting all butt-hurt over stupid shit, saying something even dumber, and come off looking like a queeftard.
This week's Middle Finger goes to the septagenarian shitstain, Bobby Knight.
My readers have made it well known that talking about steroids is not their cup of meat. And that's fine. It's sort of a ho-hum issue these days for people my age. Mark McGwire came out of the cheating closet this week by finally admitting to taking a ton of dirty juice in the ass. We all knew this. No big deal. Whether it was clean or not (obviously it was not), I enjoyed the summer of 1998's chase for 61. But Big Mac sacrificed his legacy for that one season and he has to deal with it. He will have the scarlet letter on his saggy, acne-covered man boobs forever. Fine. What I don't like is assholes like Tony LaRussa and Bobby Knight (who I'm quite certain have swapped semen) defending him.
Particularly Knight. Now I respect the man. He's a great color analyst for college hoops. He points out a lot of things that normal idiots like Vitale don't. I even like his plan to make players stay in college for two years so they don't just use universities as a stepping stone to the NBA. That's a great idea. But when people ask him questions that he is clearly unqualified to give his opinion, that is where everything falls apart. Take this for instance...for some retarded reason, Baseball Tonight had Knight on to discuss McGwire. He boggled minds with this nugget:
"Gatorade is a performance-enhancing substance. It replaces electrolytes in the human body that are used up during extreme exercise, so I've always had a real skeptical approach to all of this performance-enhancing stuff."
Oh fuck you, General. Are you fucking kidding me. Gatorade? You can't tell the difference between an illegal drug and Goddamn sugar water! Fuck you in your bushy eyebrows, prick. You could watch the entire series of The Hills and not hear a dumber quote than this.
And this leads me back to my point...why was a former college basketball coach and current analyst interviewed on a baseball show about performance enhancing drugs? He is not even remotely qualified to add to the discussion. It would be like bringing Matt Millen to cover the Super Bowl. So, fuck you, Bobby Knight. Maybe this middle finger up your ass will help differentiate a sports a drink from a muscle builder for you, dipshit.
And a quick additional Middle Finger goes out to the old fuck at my gym (I have reached "brick shithouse" status) who, for some reason, was watching Cops while on the treadmill. I thought that only assholes like Strut watched that shit. I have had that fucking "Bad Boys" song stuck in my head for over a week now. It's driving me insane. I can't get rid of it. Hell, watching the CBJ/St. Louis game last night, the Blues have some guy named Brad Boyes on their squad. BRAD BOYES, whatcha gon', whatcha gon', whatcha gonna do! I hate you, old guy, and I hope you die in a dumpster fire.