Friday, January 08, 2010

How About Some Weekend Gambling Advice

I ragged on week 17 pretty hard earlier this week due to it's severe case of butt-rot. But my mood has changed. The fucking Playoffs start tomorrow and for the first time in a long while, I am completely perplexed. There is no favorite this year. In my mind, there are only two teams that have no chance to make the Super Bowl (Bengals and Jets). The other 10 would not surprise me at all if they made it to Miami. Now, I only think that 5 teams are good enough to win the Super Bowl, but that is beside the point. The real focus here should be that the postseason is wide fucking open. And this SHOULD lead to a month of great games. Anything to make us forget about the totally inferior bowl season.

Last year, I went 4-0 ATS on my Wild Card weekend predictions (ended the postseason 8-3). Let's see if we can recapture some of that fake gambling magic.

Jets (+2) @ Bengals
-Get ready fuckers because NBC is unleashing Hell upon us for this game. That's right, THEE Joe Thiesmann is back in the booth calling this game with Tom Hammond and, for some reason, The Great Joe Gibbs. This is going to be terrible. As far as the game goes, we all know that the Bengals got slaughtered last week by Rex Ryan's size 58 pants. But here's the thing: I don't trust The Sanchise. In fact, I think he sucks. On the other side, what the fuck is going on with Carson Palmer? had a good article this week pointing out that they have turned him from a gunslinger into Trent Dilfer. And that is a perfect comparison. Palmer is a game manager now. Everyone loves the Jets this week but they are cocky and due for a fall from grace. Give me the game manager over the dipshit rookie any day in the playoffs. Bengals 23, Jets 6.

Eagles (+4) @ Cowboys
-I have no idea what to expect in this one. Dallas has raped Philly in both games this year. Do I trust them to do it again? Andy Reid and McPuke usually don't start sucking until at least the NFC Championship game. I really truly hate both of these teams and wish that they both could lose. Romo seems to have figured out that not throwing interceptions is a formula for success. About fucking time. I guess this pick will have to do more with the history repeating itself. Wade Phillips doesn't win playoff games. It's hard to beat a team thrice. Jerry Jones deserves to lose. Shaun Suisham can not be counted on. He will miss a field goal late to send Dallas home early again to the delight of everyone in America. Eagles 26, Cowboys 24.

Ravens (+3.5) @ Patriots
-New England hasn't lost a home game this year. That is pretty much all you need to know. Joe Flacco is worse this year than he was a rookie and he just looks like an idiot. A lot has been made about how Julian Edelman will step into Welker's spot and they won't miss a beat. People who say this (Peter King) are fucking retarded. He was the damn QB for Kent fucking State last year! He sucks. I have a feeling that this game is going to be really boring. As long as Willis McGahee gets hurt though, it will make my day. As I said earlier, the Pats haven't lost at home this year. They won't on Sunday. But they fail to cover. Patriots 16, Ravens 13.

Packers (+1) @ Cardinals
-Everyone seems to like Green Bay here. It's hard not to, I guess. They are playing well, some key Cardinals are banged up, and Charles Woodson SICK. I don't know if I buy a bunch of playoff success though. Mike McCarthy is a fat idiot who just looks like a guy who doesn't enjoy prolonged winning streaks. That means that he is due for a loss. They won't see Matt Leinart this week. It's going to be Kurt Warner all day. Whatever the place is in Arizona gets pretty damn loud with all of their bandwagon fans. Call me crazy, but I think Arizona wins this one rather easily. Cardinals 31, Packers 20.

This would give us Eagles/Saints, Cards/Vikes, Colts/Bingles, and Pats/Chargers. Those are some really solid matchups if it falls the way I pick. If you want one lock of the week though, BET AGAINST THE JETS. I can not stress this enough. Can you imagine what Rex Ryan is going to do to Skyline Chili when he gets to SW Ohio? The horror...


Anonymous said...

No final standings to show my championship for the blog bowl picks? Worked all you mothafuckas.


GMoney said...

Here it is:

Drew won the Mr. Ace pool and receives nothing.

Damman won the Yahoo pool and has his choice of writing a post or making me write about a topic.

Grumpy said...

How about we get Drew & Mr. Ace a room? I actually like your picks, but Julian Edelman doesn't suck.

KPietsch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Ace said...

I actually took some time and did some actual, ya know, research on this weekends matchups. This is what I come up with.

NYJ moneyline +125. I don't think people realize how below average Cincy is in every aspect of the game. That defense has been terrible lately and the offense hasn't been much better. I thought Cincy would be an easy choice, but they are clearly not the choice. I think the Brad Smith package makes a huge difference in this game. NYJ win, Cincy won't score more than 13.

Take Green Bay. It is a pick right now and may actually end up GB-1 or something by kickoff. Arizona has sucked down the stretch. You don't just flip a switch and turn it on in the playoffs. Boldin may play, but won't be effective. Woodson will lock down Fitz. Ryan Grant will pwn this game. I don't think people know how effective he has actually been all year. GB is a dangerous team.

Take Balt+3.5 and moneyline that shit +165. NE defense is terrible. Baltimore's defense is still top 5. Ray Rice will have 35 carries for 140. They will own the clock and grind out a win. Without Wes Welker I don't know if NE will be able to get first downs. Baltimore is going to win.

Philly...I have no fucking clue. If Reid doesn't run the ball at least 40% of the time then we won't win. Our O line is questionable right now and if Dallas can tee off on McNabb then we are in trouble. That said, if McNabb gets protection then DJax is going to get deep a couple times. Newman can't hang with him and eventually he will get beat deep. I think you have to take Philly just because you are getting four points against a division rival. But I'm not too confident in the Iggles.

Fly Eagles Fly!

GMoney said...

All four road are fucking stupid. Here's some "research" for you:

-Mark Sanchez sucks
-The Pats don't lose at home

Two free winners right there.

Pietsch, good job picking the Pats and Ravens to win this weekend.

Mr. Ace said...


I wish you would have crashed on 270.

Anonymous said...

I should be able to give one punch to Mr. Ace's gut for winning his bowl pick'em.


Anonymous said...

I'm back. I hope you guys didn't miss me too much.

Great. I come back to awful gambling advice on here. Some things never change.


Anonymous said...

Pietch - how can I believe your picks when you pick 2 teams that play each other (Ravens/Pats)and don't pick the Packer/Card game??

Cowboy fans will be as pissed as Texas fans were last night........

They are going down..........

Tony B. said...

I'm not gambling on any of these games. The playoffs are almost as bad as gambling on Week 1.

GMoney said...

Drew, that sounds good to me. But hit him in the face.

Anonymous said...

By the way...for those who followed my college picks and want to win more money.

Jets + 2
Cowboys - 4
Patriots -3.5
Packers + 1

The only remotely interesting game here is the Cowboys/Eagles. Bitch about the bowl games all you want, but these wild card NFL games suck balls. Unless of course the Pats knock out Flacco on the first drive and we get to see Tom Brady/Troy Smith in a playoff game...that would be tremendous television.


KPietsch said...

Not sure what you guys are talking about, lol. Let me try this again... good thing it's Friday.


Hoyt this!!!