Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Guide to Storming the Court/Rushing the Field

(How fucking cool is that guy?)

I chose to spend my Sunday afternoon recovering on the couch watching basketball, not wasting my time watching the Cowboys get a Viking horn shoved up their ass. Michigan finally gave me something to cheer about, probably the first time since back in September when I was at the ND game. A great win for Michigan...and then the students stormed the court. Storming the court in this situation is unwarranted and makes Michigan look like some lowly Mid-Major. I couldn't believe it when it happened. I expect such things from ratarded fan bases like Fuckeye Nation and Sparties, but not one as dignified and generally intelligent as Michigan fans. Shit like this has been happening way too often lately. For example, the Indiana Hoosiers stormed the court this year...after beating Minnesota. First of all, there are certain programs in certain sports that just shouldn't storm, ever. The Indiana basketball program is one of them. If you were a Hoosiers fan witnessing that, you should have been embarrassed, even more embarrassed than I was as a Michigan fan Sunday.

I think it is time to set up some rules for Storming the Court and/or Rushing the Field. First, let me drop some credentials on you. I was part of one of the greatest moments of rushing the field ever back when Toledo beat a top five Pitt team at The Glass Bowl. I think a couple people got paralyzed and possibly died, I'm serious, and that moment nearly single-handedly forced the NCAA to up security, grease the goal posts, and even install goal posts that can be taken down immediately after a big win. We marched the goal post out of the stadium and up Stadium Drive, knocking the lights of off police vehicles in the process--the police didn't give a shit--and eventually dumping the goal post in the Ottowa River. Fucking classic. You know rushing the field is righteous when the cops are cheering you as you tear the lights right off their vehicle. Last year, I attended the Duke vs. Michigan game at Crisler Arena. I'll just let you watch the video:

That was awesome. That was totally warranted. That pretty much sealed the deal as far as Michigan getting into the tourney was concerned. It had been a decade since Michigan participated in the NCAA Tournament. It's experiencing moments like these that make me one of the foremost authorities on the practice of storming.

The Rules:
  • If you are part of a major conference and are a ranked team, you don't storm. Unless this is a big rivalry game, and I mean a dirty, nasty rivalry not just traditional...Duke/NC, Michigan beating Sparty, and such...as a Toledo fan and student I naturally hated everything Marshall, especially their inbred fucks for fans. I would have no problem if any MAC school stormed when beating Marshall. We used to slit the tires of any vehicle that had Marshall gear whenever they played in Toledo.
  • If you are part of a major conference and unranked and beat a ranked Mid-Major(Memphis excluded), you don't storm. Unless you are some terrible, terrible team--Depaul? Penn State? Nebraska? Colorado?-- then you don't storm when you beat fucking Butler.
  • The Michigan Rule- If you start the season ranked in the top 15, you don't storm. Michigan starting the year in the top 15 and then beating a #15 UConn squad does not warrant a storm. However, let's say you are Butler, or some other Mid Major, who is ranked in the top 15 and you beat a top 5 team in your house, you fucking storm.
  • The Fuckeye Rule- If you beat a team that is forced into starting their shitty backup QB and it takes you overtime to beat them, you don't storm. Get a fucking clue fuckeyes.
  • The Iowa Rule- If you are the #12 team in the nation and you beat an unranked team at home, you don't fucking storm. Iowa squeaked out a win against Michigan 30-28 this year and they rushed the fucking field when time expired. Show some class, that shit is bush league.
  • Mid-Major court storming is smiled upon much more. The guys over at Storming The Floor(link do their own rules) share this feeling with me. There are so many more opportunities for righteous storming among the Mid Major conferences, particularly those that are perennial one-bid conferences.
  • The last second prayer is the only trump card. The last second prayer has its own set of rules and allow storming on many more occasions.
Storming is reserved for special occasions. Take, for example, Kansas State. They beat #1 Texas last night and still had the dignity not to storm. That takes some real class.

I'm tired of seeing this shit every other night. I, personally, blame the booze. Even something as great as alcohol has its downside. These kids get all jolly chugging Natty and Kamchatka and don't know what to do with themselves when an opportunity to get on court and pinch some coed ass arises. Yeah, I said it. Unrighteous storming stems from sexual assault and cheap booze.

So let's please begin to exercise some restraint when it comes to storming, America depends on it.

26 comments:

GMoney said...

Fuck you, when you are a 10-7 and beat a team that is 11-6, YOU STORM!!!

I have stormed thrice in my life.
1. Miami/Akron 2002 when Big Ben hit a 70 yard hail mary to beat Charlie Frye
2. Miami/Northwestern 1995 This was the year that the Cats beat ND and went to the Rose Bowl with one loss. Miami was down 3 score going into the 4th and won at the gun. It was awesome.
3. Miami/Temple 2000 Temple had just beaten Duke in their previous game and Jon Chaney was still looking all awesome. I think they were ranked. I don't remember, I was drunk.

Anonymous said...

First off, I don't really have a problem with us rushing the field after Iowa. It was the last home game...clinched the big ten...clinched first rose bowl since 97'...big opponent (don't give a fuck it was back up qb) and a night atmosphere at the end.

I've rushed twice...

1.) OSU beating a top 5 MSU basketball team when I was a Freshman.

2.) OSU beating Michigan in 2002 to clinch natinoal championship bid.

The best rushing ever though would have to be in 1997 when OSU clinched the first Rose Bowl bid in forever and rushed the field AT Indiana. I remember our Athletic Department had to buy them new goalposts. Awesome.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Whoops, I have two more. Stormed Doyt L. Perry stadium after the MAC Championship game demolition of Bowling Green. I touched the MAC trophy...jealous?

Also, I stormed after Scott Parker hit the two free throws to have the Beavers beat the Dragons in the regional championship. I pinched Boof's ass.

Mr. Ace said...

If you queers had rushed the field after beating Iowa before you had been to 3 National Championship games in the last 8 years then I wouldn't have a problem with it.

The Fuckeyes probably would have rushed the field if they would have beat USC this year.

Rushing the field at an away game is awesome.

Mr. Ace said...

I rushed the Doyt as well...it just came to my memory last night. I was absolutely black out drunk and Toledo had a crazy comeback to win. I remember seeing the field...that is about it.

I also rushed the Buck when we beat #1 Brookhaven my senior year...this doesn't really count, but it was the beginning.

Damn, I rushed when we beat Defiance at Defiance in basketball too. We hit a game winning half court three as time expired. It was great. I hate Defiance.

Mr. Ace said...

Apparently nobody gives a shit about storming...

Anonymous said...

Mr. Ace,

Were you drunk for the Defiance game, too? It was not from half court, it was from the top of the key. However, I do remember we had something like 1.7 seconds left on the clock when we inbounded it and it seemed like the clock operator was a Napoleon fan because at least 3 seconds must have elapsed from when the shooter caught the ball until he released it. I am pretty sure he dribbled.

-Lil' Strut

Dustin said...

I think fans storm way too much for pointless shit, but OSU storming after Iowa was justified. At one point this season OSU was thinking they would have to settle for a shit bowl like the Capital One (by osu's standards). Instead they had just beaten the two teams ahead of them to win the B10 and go to the Rose Bowl. It was also an exciting finish, which is just another reason to rush the court.

Thanks for finally admitting OSU's dominance though. Big 10 Championships and Rose Bowls just aren't good enough.

GMoney said...

"Rush the court" at a football stadium? Good call.

It was not justified, assmilker. You have a better program with better players. That was just as embarrassing as Michigan's basketball fans. I give UM some sympathy as their entire athletic department is a mess and they are not used to winning anything.

Nate B. said...

Nope, Defiance game winning shot was a 3 pointer on Napoleon's bench side. I only remember as I was NCTV's Marv Alberts for the night, minus the creepy sex.

Anonymous said...
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Mr. Ace said...

Blow me, G$.

Nate B, Obviously the shot was a 3 pointer. I had been drinking...didn't think I was drunk, but it's possible. If the shot was not at the half court line it was only a few feet in front of it.

Nate B and Lil Strut, was the "rushing the court" after beating Iowa this year warranted? You are both biased, but don't have the same mental defects as Dustin.

Nate B. said...

Well, I didn't rush the field for beating Iowa, but I did rush the field because we clinched the Rose Bowl for the first time in 12 years.

Tony B. said...

"I chose to spend my Sunday afternoon recovering on the coach watching basketball..."

Which coach were you on? Rich Rod? Andy Reid? If you say Jim Johnson I'm going to be extra sickened, Ace.

Anonymous said...

I think rushing the field after the Iowa game was justified for a number of reasons.

1. We clinched the Big Ten Championship after being all but counted out 3 weeks prior.

2. We clinched our first Rose Bowl since the 1996 season.

3. The game went to overtime and was won an a field goal by our 2nd string kicker.

4. The game was a 3:30 game and everyone was probably shitcanned.

However, this was not a bring the field goal post down type of charge the field, but rather a "lets all celebrate together on the field" type of event. However, I will say this: if you are man enough to get through a wall of State Troopers surrounding the goal posts at an OSU home game, and then suffer the subsequent asskicking from said troopers, more power to you.

-Lil' Strut

benben said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Ace said...

Typical Fuckeyes, I should have known better.

Tony B, Freudian slip. Rex Ryan really gets me goin.

Dustin said...

Ace- stop being a fag and deleting posts! If you can't take the heat, don't write a shitty blog!

Joshua said...

I was at both Brookhaven football and Defiance basketball rushes. In college, the Bobcat fans tended to rush the court/field for just about anything.

1. After beating Marshall in a first round home MAC tournament game
2. After beating an underachieving Pitt team on the greatest overtime pick-six in the history of college football ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVsWBe1dTYA )
3. After clinching the East Division by beating an Akron team on the way down the shitter
4. Against George Mason in a Bracket Buster game the year after they made the final four
5. Any time we beat those fucks from Miami in basketball ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywf1YD6T4cY&feature=related )

and the greatest ever:
6. At the Q after winning the 2005 MAC Championship on a tip-in at the buzzer in OT

GMoney said...

Joshua, OU people aren't welcome here.

Ace, just accept it, anOSU fans never believe that they embarrass themselves. Awful people. I bet they all watch Cops.

Mr. Ace said...

Dustin, you queer stick, the posts I am deleting are lame ass Anon ads. Fuck off.

Jesus, OU people will storm for anything.

Joshua said...

Let's just say people got a little too jazzed about one conference championship and stormed the court every time our underachieving basketball team beat anybody above us in the MAC standings at the time.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry guys. Plenty of Buckeye talk to come tomorrow. Stay tuned.

-Damman

Jeff said...

The Clemson students tore down the goal post years ago after they beat FSU in a night game and walked them out of the stadium to the bars downtown. Ever since then Clemson has the collapsible goal posts that they bring down after every game regardless of the outcome. They also tell fans that they can go on the field after every game too, which is very queer and one of the many reasons I never have faith in any Clemson athletics.

Mr. Ace said...

Damman, I am giddy with anticipation.

Jeff, I defer to you for info on everything queer.

Anonymous said...

Most of the responses here are kind of comical. They seem to be from the exact people that have rushed the court/field in these games.

With the recent storming of the field from Minnesota after they beat Iowa last weekend, there's been a good debate on this happening at TC Huddle. (They actually linked to your article here.) Thought you might want to check it out. It's enjoyable if nothing else: http://www.tchuddle.com/2011/10/the-importance-of-the-iowa-win/