Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Free At Last!!!

Not that I need to remind you all of this, but Mr. Ace is a little bitch. His usual Tuesday post of retardery is not coming today. He has blogger's block and apparently some sort of schooling to attend to. I guess that this would be graduate school of some sort but I have a hard time believing that any reputable institution of higher learning would want him. He's probably going to DeVry. With that being said, he's off today (but WILL be posting something later this week, fucker) and I have to actually be creative on a Monday night. I think I've got something though.

Against all odds, my marriage is about a week away from hitting the 6 month mark. Vegas made a killing on all of you betting the under. Obviously, life has slowed down a bit as a result of being the world's bitchingest husband ever. But this coming weekend, She$ is heading back to visit her parents so Ol' Captain Kickass gets a 48-72 hour stretch of doing what the fuck he wants, when the fuck he wants. She did this awhile ago but I didn't take advantage of it. I want to now. I've got some options, let's run down a few of them.

1. Watch a bunch of movies - I've got a few DVR'ed and a couple coming via Blockbuster, but I can do this any weekend. I don't want to do this.
2. Get fucking hammered - The me from 3 years ago would do this. Me now...not so much. Although I would like to see the wife's face when she realizes that I cleaned out her entire wine rack in two days.
3. Clean the house - I could be a good husband. I don't want to be a good husband though. It's MY weekend.
4. Study Pro Bowl rosters for gambling purposes - Who am I kidding, I can't bet against the NFC.
5. Watch a ton of college hoops - Are there any big games this weekend? I know the RedHawks play EMU on ESPNU at noon on Saturday (why is this televised?).
6. Go to Argosy or Wheeling for some casino gambling - This idea is gaining steam in my head right now. It would require some lying to the wife (if you are reading this, wife, I NEVER LIE TO YOU!) and if she knew what I was doing, the free weekends might be few and far between in the future. But I am open to the idea.
7. Start planning my Super Bowl menu - We have a ton of cookbooks laying around the mansion. Preparation for the big game is key. I have a feeling that whatever I decide upon, I'm going to need a shitload of cheddar cheese.
8. Work on this site - This is not an option.
9. Host a poker game - If I'm too lazy to drive to the Ohio River, maybe I could have some of the fucks who comment here over. Nah, we have candles in the house which means Dut would eventually start pouring wax on his nipples. I don't need that.
10. Work out a lot - I've been lifting weights a lot recently. I don't really know why. I guess it has helped me lift up Naptown Wolverine's mother. But I never really had a problem with that anyway.
11. Poo with the door open - Downstairs, if you leave the bathroom door open, you have a great view of the TV. You can bet your ass that this is happening.

As you can see, I've got options. While wasting away on the couch sounds like a great idea in theory, I don't want to do that the entire weekend. I do that enough as it is. That means moving around a bit. That means rotating meals between Little Caesar's Hot & Ready's and the new Chinese place down the road that kicks fucking ass. Either way, I want to embrace my weekend furlow back into bachelorhood. Leave your thoughts for how I can achieve peak greatness in the comments, please. And gay bars are not an option. Unless you want to round up a posse to play Smear The Queer. In that case, let me get a 2X4 from the garage.


Anonymous said...

You know I'm voting on the "get hammered" option.

Where is this Chinese establishment you speak of?


Grumpy said...

Lion's Den, DVD's, hot oil.

Upstate Underdog said...

Porn, lots and lots or porn.

GMoney said...

Lotus Leaf...next to Kroger on Holt Rd. They actually feature Chinese people who speak good English, too.

Fellas, I figured that porn was a given anyway! Unfortunately, Bruno is coming in the mail this week.

MUDawgfan said...

Take the Man vs. Food Columbus Challange!

You get to enjoy all the great eating and none of the douchebag host.


Anonymous said...

Make it a week of pure excess. By that I mean when you eat, eat the worst shit possible and eat 3 times more than you should. When you drink, follow the same procedure as when you eat. Watch hours of porn. Finally, when you rub one out, use two hands rather than one. However, this may present some difficulties for you due to things that obviously aren't excessive and are out of your control.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...who the fuck goes to the lion's den to buy porn these days? The internet has as much free porn as anyone could ever want.


Tony B. said...

Turn your living room into a band practice space. Start a Danzig cover band where you only play "Mother." Tour the country. Hell, you could even play a gig at a casino and then gamble with the money you make. I don't see any problem with this plan.

GMoney said...

Dawg, I enjoy Adam Richman actually and if I wanted to, I could destroy The Dagwood challenge at Ohio Deli or wherever it was.

Man, so many great choices. I do like the idea of doing things in excess.

Dustin said...

I would be game for Argosy! I've never been there and I got a feeling I would dominate.

I bet you'll end up at the Stube getting blacked out both nights with homeless people.

If you want to mack on hoes and have a late night hottub party with some skanks, give me a call. That's the situation.

Mr. Ace said...

I lied. I actually went to WWE Monday Night Raw downtown last night. It was fucking awesome.

We should all get shit-canned and have a royal rumble. I'll be Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

GMoney said...

No shit, Ace? Who was the guest host? You know what, forget all that. Right there is your post for tomorrow...a write-up on your Monday Night Raw experience. I look forward to that and to my night off.


Mr. Ace said...

Dammit. Okay, I didn't go to Raw. I was learning how to counsel the youth...how does it make you feel when you know I will be directly influencing the future of this society?

But I will have something for Thursday.

I still like the Royal Rumble idea.

Grumpy said...

Drew, you're right. Just remembering my days on the road before internet porn. How do they stay in business anyway?

Mr. Ace said...

Grumpy, people like you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot. For basketball viewing this weekend, do what most wives forbid their husbands to do. Set up side by side televisions in the living room. If I were in your situation, this would be my ideal saturday. Wake up at noon, order a large meat lovers pizza, with a side order of wings or other food you would like (need not be from the same restaurant), wear sweatpants and watch Sports/movies all day. Follow this up by a night out at a local drinking establishment and cap it all off with even more excessive drunk food. To me, that may be one of the most fulfilling, yet least productive days ever.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

HAHA, Fuckeyes can't stop fucking up... http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh1xfnQr8n1n9hmRI9

NSFW. Greg Oden is sending nude pics to his boyfriend... Titus?

Jeff said...

G$, take lil struts idea and add wearing adults diapers so you never have to get up off the couch to piss.

If my dong was as big as Greg Oden's i would never wear pants.

GMoney said...

I want to cross "find nude pictures of Greg Oden" off of my to-do list for the weekend. Je. Sus.

Anonymous said...

What about a strip club? I hear Vanity is beautiful this time of year.

I would say poker during the day at your house or Argosy, Stube for awhile at night, then cap it off at the titty bar. Sounds like a good day to me.


GMoney said...

I'm guessing that your employer shut this site down again. Are you still going to waste a night in Malinta or what?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

ARGOSY.. I have yet to check out the new one yet.