Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Evan Turner Is Overrated


This post is going to rub many of you the wrong way. I know this. But sometimes, things need to be said no matter how unpopular it might be. And today, I am going to ruffle some feathers. I live in Big Ten Country. In the middle of this "country", is the capital of dickheads. Let's call this place, Asshole City, or "Columbus" as it is sometimes referred to as. Here, we are beaten over the head with delusions that the Big Ten is a good conference in every sport. Most of us know better. Some of us are just the by-product of generation after generation of inbreeding.

Anyway, Buckeye basketball player, Evan Turner, is widely regarded as a stud baller around here. It's hard to argue against that, too. Hard, but not impossible. Today, I plan on doing the impossible. I plan on making you a believer that Evan Turner is overrated. Many NBA Draft gurus having him going 2nd or 3rd this year. It is my job today to convince you that he shouldn't even be taken in the first round. Now before blood comes shooting out of your eyes and ears out of anger, Buckeye fan, here me out:

*He gets pushed around by guys who play physical - He is a finesse player who does not like to get his nose dirty.
*He is a better scorer than he is a shooter - He won't be able to drive that easily in the pro's and his jump shot needs a lot of work.
*He needs to improve his range and consistency - Guards are expected to make 3's in the Association and he needs to learn to hit that shot consistently.
*His success at taking it to the rack will likely prevent him from working on his stroke.
*He sucked in the NCAA tourney loss to Siena - Not a clutch player.
*Still has an issue with turnovers - Just too careless
*He doesn't use screens well - He is a one on one player which is good if you want to play for the Knicks, not good if you want to play for a decent team.
*He is injury prone - What sort of pussy breaks his back against a shitty team like EMU?
*Evan is a pussy name - It will never be as gay as Ethan though. You just know that someone named Evan is soft. It's just science.

With all that being said, I would not take Turner in the first round. There are just too many question marks surrounding him. With the injuries, turnovers, poor shooting stroke, lack of performing in the clutch, and faggot name, you can't take a guy like this high in the draft and expect him to be a superstar and franchise player. You just can't do it. I wouldn't touch Evan Turner with Greg Oden's dick.
Come on...I don't believe a word that you just read other than "Evan" being an extremely gay name. Turner is going to be a stud. He has a game like Dwyane Wade (don't even get me started on all the fucked-up whistles that he gets in his favor though...I LOATHE Wade). He is going to be just fine. Eventhough everyone who has come from anOSU has played below expectations since Jimmy Jackson, Turner should change that. He's no John Wall, but he's going to be a heck of a consolation prize to the team that misses out on Wall. For what it's worth though, all of my bullet points are considered Turner's weaknesses by draft sites. I don't follow the game close enough to get all that shit.

So why did I write this post, you ask? Well, I like to get under the skin of anOSU fans. That is always enjoyable. But basically, I just wanted to know what it felt like to be Skip Bayless for a day. It was pretty much like I thought it was going to be...shitty. You know, by being the voice of the wrong side of an argument and digging myself into a bigger hole with each sentence of horseshit that flows from cock-storage of a mouth. It does not feel good. I don't know how he does it. If I were him, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

I hate Skip Bayless.

21 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

Is The Villain really rated as a top 3-5 guy? I would take anyone on Kentucky's roster before I touched Turner.

He is a point-forward who doesn't do anything great. He can start in the association eventually, but he's a role player. Certainly not worth a lottery pick.

And he's a Fuckeye.

Grumpy said...

You had me going there. I hate Ohio State, but this dude can ball, and he doesn't break a sweat.

GMoney said...

NBA Draft Express has him going #3 behind Wall and that Wesley Johnson or whatever his name is from Syracuse.

MUDawgfan said...

Seems like a better option than: "RANDOM EUROPEAN PLAYER WHO PEOPLE START TALKING ABOUT 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE DRAFT AND SOMEHOW GETS DRAFTED BY A SHITTY TEAM LIKE THE RAPTORS OR THE WARRIORS

Anonymous said...

Chad Ford said in his chat yesterday that ET is the clear # 2 right now according to NBA scouts. There also was an article on CNNSI last week, where they spoke with NBA scouts and he was either # 2 or 3. A lot of people like to think he will be like Brandon Roy. He reminds me more of Grant Hill before ankle/foot injuries.

--Drew

Andy said...

He is the "Black Greg Saul".

Dustin said...

Ace hatin on an OSU player.. Didn't see that one coming! I am a little surprised you didn't say you'd rather have Manny Harris.

Speaking of Greg Oden- how many times have you spanked it to his nude photos circulating the internet?

Mr. Ace said...

Oh yeah, I'd rather have Manny Harris. Bitch.

How about the fuck job my boys got last night?

But seriously, I never would have guessed Turner was rated this high. I suppose this class is pretty weak after Wall, but still can't believe it.

Last years top 5:
1.Clippers Blake Griffin
2.Grizzlies Hasheem Thabeet
3.Thunder James Harden
4.Kings Tyreke Evans
5.Timberwolves Ricky Rubio
2008:
1 Chicago Derrick Rose
2 Miami Michael Beasley
3 Minnesota O.J. Mayo
4 Seattle Russell Westbrook
5 Memphis Kevin Love
2009:
1 Portland Greg Oden
2 Seattle Kevin Durant
3 Atlanta Al Horford
4 Memphis Mike Conley
5 Boston Jeff Green

Does Turner belong anywhere near that list of players? I can see one maybe two that I would even consider taking Turner instead of.

Anonymous said...

Ace you obviously don't watch college basketball if you find it hard to believe that ET is so highly thought of. Even the great G$ has sang ET's praises in his blog this year.

"How about that fuck job my boys got last night?" What the fuck? You mean the brilliant decision to basically air ball a three on your second to last possession when you had a 1 point lead? That was a great play that Belein drew up in that time out. Then letting Lucas pull up for a little 10 foot jumper. Michigan hasn't beaten "little brother" in basketball or football since 2007.

--Drew

GMoney said...

The real question remains, where does Mark "Mr. Rainmaker" Titus go in the draft?

Andy, that lookalike call sucked the first time I heard you say it.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, you're a ratard. You point out the two plays before the fuck job because....that proves nothing? That was a foul. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter what happened two plays or 40 plays before that, there should have been a foul called.

And Lucas taking that jumper was a shot that JB was willing to let happen. That was a tough shot, and he drilled it. Still has nothing to do with the refs missing the foul call.

Anonymous said...

In the words of G$'s favorite singer of all time Justin Timberlake...."Cry me a river" Ace.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

In the words of Dut's father(Ron Jeremy)... Suck my dick.

Also, I will be bringing back the "Groom Knows Dick" post tomorrow. It will be great.

GMoney said...

Can't wait! I am a veritable wealth of knowledge when it comes to being a groom.

Anonymous said...

Right now, Turner is averaging 18.6 points, 9.8 rebounds and 5.4 assists per game. However, if you exclude the seven-minute outing against Eastern Michigan (when he was injured) and his 20-minute return against Indiana, those averages jump to 20.7, 11.0 and 5.8. If Turner can maintain those standards (technically, he'd need about a 0.5 ppg bump in scoring), he will complete one of the most statistically improbable seasons in modern basketball history.

How rare is a 20/10/5 year in college hoops? According to Ohio State's sports information department, which consulted with Stats Inc., no Division I player has completed one since at least 1996. Stats Inc.'s best guess as to the last player to do it is Larry Bird at Indiana State in 1978-79, and that wasn't even in a major conference. Searching independently, the last player who did it in a top-tier league may have been Bill Walton at UCLA in 1972-73.

Think about what that means. Grant Hill (17.4/6.9/5.2) never got there. Neither did Dwayne Wade (21.5/6.3/4.4). Tim Duncan came moderately close (20.8/14.7/3.2), but still didn't do it. Even less-remembered one-man wrecking crews like N.C. State's Tom Gugliotta (22.5/9.8/3.1) couldn't get there.

The best proxies? The two most freakishly multitalented stars of the modern era: Magic Johnson (17.0/7.9/7.4 and 17.1/7.3/8.4 in his two seasons) and Jason Kidd (16.7/6.9/9.1 his sophomore season). Both had outrageously impactful seasons, but each still missed on two of these three specific metrics.

GMoney said...

Well, ANON, unfortunately we can't just forget that games happened. I didn't even read that Bill James-esque horseshit. I don't need a bunch of 'tard numbers to tell me that Turner can play.

Mr. Ace said...

It's solved. Turner is the spawn of Larry Bird, Magic, and Kidd.

Anonymous said...

G$...you may know about the pitfalls of wedding planning for a heterosexual wedding. But, isn't all that knowledge irrelevant for Mr. Ace since he's getting in a tummy sticks relationship?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Yankees replace Johnny Damon with...drum roll please....Randy Winn!

Anonymous said...

I don't know... I agree with you to a point, but you can't discredit Evan Turner's unbelievable play based on some of the factors you listed. The thing I hate about Turner is that he is so fucking out of control at times, but in the end he makes some kind of crazy good play. Another thing is that he could be a little more unselfish and probably average about 8 assists a game. People that don't think Evan Turner is one of the top 5 players in college right now are just plain lying to themselves. He brings everything to the Buckeyes... if they don't have Turner, they'd be about 15-13 right now. And as for where Turner gets drafted.. it might not be anywhere if the Buckeyes don't make a nice tourney run.

Anonymous said...

This article is ignorant, at best. Turner will be excellent in the NBA. Guys like him that can create their own shots and rebound are golden.

I doubt the guy that wrote this has watched an NBA game before, but Turner will have MORE space to operate, will cause matchup problems, will score TONS of points, and will become a star.