Thursday, January 07, 2010

College Football Is Finally Over


Make no bones about it (whatever that expression means), this was a brutal college football season. Between there being no really great teams and all the stud QB's from the year before not living up to the hype and the fact that the Heisman voters are fucking retarded (see: Sims, Billy), this was a bad fucking year. Think about it. In 5 years, what are you going to remember the most about the 2009 season? Most of the shit is related to coaches.

With Urban Meyer's near-death experience and 24 hour love of his family, the ousting of Charlie Weis, Fat Vince Gill getting canned by Texas Tech, and Bobby Bowden walking away, that is about it as far as interesting stories from this past year. Notice how none of this is related to anything on the field. Thankfully, this shit show ends tonight and I could not be happier. I figured that I might as well throw up a prediction post since Mr. Ace has vowed not to talk about college football again this year (but he better still be posting something on Tuesdays).

Texas. Alabama. Two programs with crazy tradition and non-descript, boring teams. Don't even bother. You can't convince me otherwise. These two teams are about as interesting as a Jim Tressel press conference (New Mexico State is a good football team!). I feel obligated to watch at least the first half until I get bored and flip over to Jersey Shore to see the fallout from Fist-pumpin' Vinnie making out with the landlord's old lady. This game is going to suck.

Bama is a 4 point favorite. They have insane athletes on defense especially in the secondary. They have the Heisman winner in the backfield (eventhough the voters were wrong). Nick Saban probably cheats. What the fuck does "Crimson Tide" even mean? But with all that said, I like Texas. Or as the idiots from Texas would call it, "Tixess".

Why? They got hosed last year so I expect some good karma to come their way. They have the better QB. No one on their team has those ridiculously annoying "Bama Bangs" haircuts. The Heisman winner rarely wins his bowl game because he gets fat and lazy when everyone tells him how great he is. Mark Ingram's dad is in prison. Nick Saban is an asshole. I've never met anyone from Alabama but I guarantee that I would hate them. The 'Horns all-white uniforms are the best in the land.

Most importantly, Mack Brown looks EXACTLY like my father-in-law. He disagrees with this call, but what does he know? He's the one who gave me permission to marry his daughter and no one should agree to that. He must really hate She$. So I'm pulling for Tixess tonight just to appease the family.

Longhorns 23, Crimson Tide 20...and thank fucking Christ that this sport is over for the year.

9 comments:

Greg said...

G$, how did you get Fred to agree and take a picture in that Texas shirt? Nice work!

-GSaul

GMoney said...

I just don't know how that family fails to see the connection.

MuDawgfan said...

Love it! Hook em' Horns!

Please let Saban leave Bama after this loss and take the Cowboys job (after they lose to the iggles in the 1st roung)

Mr. Ace said...

The Tide will roll. Saban is the best coach in the country and he and bama are going to make that statement loud and clear tonight.

Anonymous said...

Hook em'!!!

-Lil' Strut

J Beanie said...

G$, thanks for the shoutout in the comeback column. I just read it. While I dont think I'm going to start my site back up anytime soon, I will make a solid effort to contribute to your site once a week with a grammor/spelling error filled post that is sure to leave everyone saying "he's so much better and insightful and funnier that this money shot fag."

Mr. Ace said...

...so you misspelled grammar and had a grammar error in a 3 sentence comment... I can't wait.

Anonymous said...

Texas takes it. Not in the butt either. Bama loses in a nailbiting festival 31-7.

AKPaul

On to hating baseball which is soon to make me hate life.

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