Monday, December 14, 2009

The Worst Of Week Fourteen Vol.III

It was sort of a perfect weekend for me. The wife and I went to the OSU/Miami hockey game on Friday night where we completely destroyed those faggot Fuckeyes 6-0. Navy didn't cover. The Redskins kicked the shit out of the Raiders (did not see that coming). Charlie Coles actually got a nice win yesterday for the RedHawk ballers over Wright State. Now, the in-laws came down Saturday sort of unannounced and stayed over. Normally, I would have been raging pissed and a total dick to everyone. But I was not. Sure, ingesting my weight in vodka and Fresca helped. But the biggest event of the weekend was that they brought down our Christmas present. This present just so happened to be a new recliner. Now, I love my old recliner. I have had it for a long time now and it knew the contortions of my ass perfectly. It could adjust to anything to give me maximum comfort. But this new chair...DAMN. It is outstanding.

So as much as I want to bitch and moan about the unexpected visitors, I really can't. I still got drunk and got an amazing ass cushion out of it. I love how the chair is for both of us yet it is a well known fact that I will always be the one sitting in it. No exceptions. This chair is mine. I am already crafting the perfect ass groove. On to the worst of the weekend:

Honorable Mention: Team Big Uns - Going into the final weekend of the G$FL season, I was fighting for my playoff life and was going against the only who could pass me this week. Going into tonight's game, in which I need an absurd 11 points from the Cards D to win, I am having an awful week in the clutch. Keep in mind, I've scored more than 140 point more than my opponent yet he is in the driver's seat unless Alex Smith really sucks tonight (probable). I blame my shortcomings on Tom Brady. He is fucking garbage. Fuck you, Tom. I have a championship caliber lineup yet my leader is an inconsistent shithead. Oh, and it would be nice if Welker and V-Jack actually found the fucking endzone once in awhile. I hate fantasy football sometimes.

5. The Steelers O-Line - The biggest disappointment in the NFL, let there be no doubt. 5 weeks ago, I boldly said here that they would win the Super Bowl. I don't regret that as there was no way to predict that they would lose to KC, Oakland, and the fucking Browns. As I stated on Friday in the comments, I did not watch one play of their latest game but how in the hell do you give up 8 sacks to the Browns? This is an organization who employs (I think) the gin-soaked Bernie Kosar. Stick a fork in this team, they are done. And it is embarrassing. This is not how a champion team should play. Sorry, Grump and K-Dog, but you suck.

4. Tony Romo - You can pretty much pencil him in here for the next two Mondays as well. There is nothing, NOTHING, better than the Cowboys December collapse. It's like an early Christmas present that lasts an entire month. Yes, I realize that my favorite team is 4-9 and going nowhere, but it feels great to know that neither is Dallas. I look forward to watching them lose by 20 to the Saints on Saturday. It was sad to see DeMarcus Ware get carted off with some sort of neck injury, but I couldn't help but chuckle when he did the "Thumbs Up, Mike Utley". That move always makes my day. Speaking of which, that is played out. I want to see someone get carted off and then flip everyone off. How great would that be? Sort of like a reverse of when Eagles fans booed Irvin.

3. Randy Moss - The best part of the RedZone channel is, obviously, that I get to watch every game. Fortunately, I got to see yesterday the exact time of the season when Randy Moss quit on his team. It has been a few years since we've seen this ploy, but I'm glad it's back. I'll never understand how a professional athlete could just dog it on the field during a game. But Moss wasn't even trying to make it look like he was trying. He was walking, giving up on blocks, and cutting off routes resulting in interceptions. Fuck you, Randy Moss. You are in asshole. Good luck with your auto racing team, queer.

2. Carson Palmer - Does anyone really take the Bengals seriously? I don't. Who cares if they swept the AFC North? None of those teams are making the playoffs anyway. That offense is awful. Palmer is getting worse every fucking game. How do you throw for less than 100 yards when you don't run the option? Fucking Ricky Dobbs had a better passing day this weekend than Carson. I am quite pleased that the Vikings destroyed them though. Bandwagon Bengals fans were starting to get a little too loud about how great they are. They aren't. They aren't going to win a playoff game. If you are asking me if I would bet on the Broncos to win again in Cincy this year, I would say fuck and yes. San Diego is going to donkey-rape these shit-eaters next Sunday.

1. The Heisman Voters - Nothing in the NFL this week was worse than what happened with the Heisman this weekend. HOW COULD ANYONE VOTE FOR INGRAM OVER GERHART!!! Toby had more yards, more td's, more plays of 10+ yards, and less pigment. Basically, what the voters did was just completely ignore the entire season and voted based on the SEC title game. That's it. That is the only explanation for this. Alabama would have gone undefeated this year anyway no matter who was running the ball. Would Stanford or Nebraska be in bowl games without Toby and Suh? Maybe, but not likely. What kills me the most is not the winner or the fact that Billy Sims (AGAIN) acted like a fucking moron, but it was the breakdown of the votes. If I read the results correctly, 43 people voted for Tebow to win. Did these people watch ANY college football games this year? I love Tebow, but he wasn't one of the TEN best players this year. And TEN people thought that Kellen Moore should have WON the Heisman. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? That is a fucking joke. Those are 53 people who should not be allowed to vote in this thing ever again. Just awful. Yet again, the Heisman goes to the wrong guy. And people think that the NBA is fixed. At least we now know that Texas will the title since the Heisman winner never wins their bowl game.

Alright, don't forget to sign up for THE MONEY SHOT'S BOWL POOL...details in the post below. Also, Mr. Ace is putting together some sort of bowl/spread contest to be done in the comments (details later in the week). I will leave you with a humorous tale.

So, She$ tells me that recently I have been talking in my sleep. I can't remember dreams so I'll take her word for it. Thursday night, I woke her up in the middle of the night by muttering, "QUIT TALKING SHIT, FUCKER". I have no idea what the context was behind this, but I like knowing that I am vulgar and rude subconsciously, too.


Grumpy said...

You're vulgar and rude consciously, so no surprise there.

Mr. Ace said...

Bruce Gradkowski's knees should be honorable lucky bastards.

GMoney said...

I think that this is the first time that the Skins have scored 30+ points in back-to-back weeks since 1991. It is truly an amazing run led by the great Fab 5 Freddy Davis and Quinton Ganther.

MuDawgfan said...

Ohio State hockey is terrible.

They should just cut the program and give the money to football so that they can continue to pay the families of recruits.

Dustin said...

Is an SEC fan allowed to call out other teams for cheating?

G$- you almost blew my cover. I read this on my BB in the shitter at work, and I couldn't stop laughing at the last paragraph. Excellent stuff.

GMoney said...

You aren't allowed to read a blog off your phone while taking a dump at work???

Tony B. said...

Put Tony B.'s gambling as honorable mention. I took the Raiders and Giants- wanna fight about it?

Anonymous said...

The Heisman outcome doesn't surprise me anymore. I stopped caring when Jason White and his Lt. Dan metal knees won it over Larry Fitzgerald the year that God himself couldn't cover him. I think he ended up with a billion receiving yards and 30 billion touchdowns that year...approximately. The right guy never wins...which is why Troy Smith won it. I still bellow loudly when I think about all of the OSU fans that INSISTED that Smith was going to be a good NFL quarterback. Denial can be ugly.