Thursday, December 31, 2009

Money Shot Bowl Mania Madness

(More like Master Bate)
Make no mistakes about it, the Bowl Season starts on Jan 1st. We have suffered through the first 69 shitty bowls because we knew that New Year's Day was coming. Most of us will not be conscious when the first game kicks off, but that's okay, it's just Northwestern and Auburn. But the big boys start at 1:00pm and you will definitely want to be awake, and hopefully still drunk, for that.

So before you go out for New Year's Eve, let me give you some advice. No means no. It doesn't matter how many Jagerbombs you buy this broad, if she doesn't want to kiss you to bring in the new year she certainly doesn't want your cock in her mouth...unless you've got some rufalin, then spike away. Same goes for you queers(commenters). It doesn't matter how many appletini's you buy the man of your dreams, he will insist that he is the catcher and refuse to pound you in the ass, sorry. Most importantly, you need to wake up at noon as drunk as you were when you fell asleep and keep the party going. Before you go out tonight, pour yourself a double shot of your favorite liquor(no pucker fags) and set it beside your bed. When you wake up in the morning you slam that thing, no questions asked, and then grab a cold one out of the fridge. Don't listen to your liver that is begging you for some water, water is for pussies. Do this, and 2010 will bring you great things.

Another big slate of games, let the fantastic predictions begin.
OUTBACK BOWL-NORTHWESTERN vs AUBURN- Auburn-8.
Is Auburn really favored by 8? The line started at -4.5. I like Northwestern in this one because they are smarter than people that go to Auburn. I think Northwestern wins. NW+8.

CAPITAL ONE BOWL- PENN STATE vs LSU- PSU-2.5.
You would have to be high to take Penn State. Royster and some other scrub just announced that they are bouncing to the draft after the bowl game. They don't give a shit about this game. Penn State didn't even play a top 25 team this year...at least not a team that deserved to be top 25. LSU+2.5.

KONICHIWA MOTOROLA GATOR BOWL- WEST VIRGINIA vs FLORIDA STATE- WVU-2.5.
This line opened at FSU-1, which is retarded. Everybody knows what kind of shit show Florida State is this year. Maybe they will actually let Bowden call a play when they are down 20 while coaching his last game. WVU-2.5.

ROSE BOWL- FUCKEYES vs OREGON- Oregon -4.5.
I can't shake this feeling that the Fuckeyes are going to roll...oh wait, I just shook it. The Fuckeyes don't have a chance even if TP is wearing "nice jeans" and has a fully intact PCL. Oregon has had plenty of time to get their offense primed to explode in Pasadena and that is exactly what will happen. Oregon-4.5.

SUGAR BOWL- CINCINNATI vs FLORIDA- Florida-13.
Brian Kelly is gone and he isn't looking back. Urban Meyer could have one fully functional ventricle and coach Florida to a 20 point win. The Tebowchild will go out in style. Florida-14.

INTERNATIONAL BOWL- SOUTH FLORIDA vs NORTHERN ILLINOIS- Southern Florida -7.
Is Jim Leavitt still coaching there? Didn't he club some kid in the locker room? SFU has a ton of talent, that's obvious. But I'm rolling with the MAC here. NIU has played well against their tougher opponents this year and I think they can stick within 7 here. NIU+7.

COTTON BOWL- OKLAHOMA STATE vs OLE MISS- Ole Miss-3.
SEC! SEC! The Big 12 blows. Okie State didn't beat a single decent team this year. Stomped by Texas, shut out by Oklahoma, and lost at home to Houston. Fucking terrible. At least Ole Miss beat LSU. Ole Miss-3.

PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL- SOUTH CAROLINA vs UCONN- South Carolina-4.
Really? The fucking Papa Johns bowl? I fucking hate that man. He has the lamest commercials of all time and I could eat three Little Caesar's Hot-N-Ready's for the price of one Medium cheese pizza at his terrible establishment. But yeah, I'll take UConn. UConn+4.

LIBERTY BOWL- ARKANSAS vs EAST CAROLINA- Arkansas-8.
In Skip Holtz I trust. Mallett is a piece of shit. ECU+8.

ALAMO BOWL- SPARTY vs TEXAS TECH- Texas Tech-8.
Dantonio's group of pedophiles, terrorists, and criminals will be no match for Leach's offensive brilliance...Shit. Now I actually have to pick Sparty. Sparty+8.

FIESTA BOWL- TCU vs BOISE STATE- TCU-7.5.
This spread is fucking enormous for a #6 vs #4 game. I've said all along that TCU was the second best team in the nation and I still believe that. I just hope TCU shows up feeling like they have something to prove and feeling like it will actually matter if they beat Boise. TCU's defense will shut down Boise's O with little problem, but I don't know if the offense will show up. I'm sticking with TCU still, but I'm not thrilled about it. TCU-7.5.

Boom goes the dynamite!

14 comments:

Grumpy said...

Can I wait to see G$'s picks?

Northwestern
LSU
WV
Oregon
Florida
So. Florida
UConn
ECU
Texas Tech
TCU

GMoney said...

Blow it out your ass.

Auburn
LSU
FSU
Oregon
Florida
USF
Ole Miss
Spurrier
ECU
TT
Boise

Anonymous said...

I'd like to give out a big hearty holiday FU to both BG and Temple. That being said...

Northwestern
LSU
WV
Oregon
Florida
USF
OK St.
UCONN
ECU
TT
TCU

Andrew

Anonymous said...

NW
LSU
FSU
THE OHIO STATE
FLORIDA
S. FLORIDA
OKIE ST.
UCONN
ARKANSAS
TEXAS TECH
BOISE

--DREW

Mr. Ace said...

Does anybody else hope that Adam Jones breaks his neck and dies on the field?

GMoney said...

I've always wanted Pacman to go out that way. Adam James I am indifferent toward.

jessegscott said...

Auburn
Penn State
Florida State
Ohio State
Cincinnati
Northern Illinois
Ole Miss
Uconn
East Carolina
Michigan State
Boise State

Anonymous said...

Auburn
LSU
FSU
Oregon
Florida
So. Fla
South Carolina
Arkansas
TTech
TCU

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Seriously, what kind of a fag takes a video of some "electrical room" that he was SUPPOSEDLY left to die in and then puts it up on youtube?

Pacman Jones is ten times cooler than Adam James...not Jones oops.

Can you imagine spending you new years eve with Pacman?

Kenneth said...

-Auburn (NW came on strong at the end of the season but will be no match for Tate. Plus did you see how Auburn played Bama, looked impressive)
-Penn St.
-Florida St. (Bowden's last game)
-Buckeyes (Best team in Ohio)
-Florida (both teams with new coaches)
-South Florida (did they even get their passports yet)
-Arkansas (Mallett is good even if he is a piece of shit)
-Mich. St. (Leach was fired and deserved it)
-Horned Frogs

Anonymous said...

NORTHWESTERN
PENN STATE
FLORIDA STATE
FUCKEYES
FLORIDA
SOUTH FLORIDA
OLE MISS
UCONN
ARKANSAS
SPARTY
TCU


J Saul

Jeff said...

NW
PSU
WV
OSU
CINCY
USF
OLE MISS
UCONN
ARKANSAS
MSU
BOISE ST

Anonymous said...

Northwestern
LSU
WVU
Ohio State
Ole Miss
South Carolina
Arkansas
Michigan State
TCU

-Lil' Strut

Tony B. said...

NW
PSU
WVU
Oregon
Cincy
NIU
Ok. State
UCONN
ECU
Texas Tech
Boise State