Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Money Shot Bowl Mania Madness

Well, this isn't going as well as I planned. Bowl season is usually a time to mop up, but apparently I have gotten dumber since last year--or since I have started contributing here. But most of you are at least equally retarded as I, or significantly more retarded, which shouldn't surprise anyone. My ass is still a little sore from the Clemson half point cover, but I must move on.

What does a vagina and Urban Meyer have in common? They both like cock inside them because they are fucking pussies. Step the fuck down or shut the fuck up. And if you do step down, feel free to come to Michigan when you return to coach...but be sure to pray about it and make your wife feel like she has some kind of say in what the fuck you do first.

We've got a big slate of games so let's get into it.

EAGLEBANK BOWL- UCLA vs TEMPLE- UCLA-4.5.
UCLA hasn't won a meaningful game since September 12th. Temple is in the MAC...I like the MAC. I was all set to take Temple until I saw OU get owned by a shitty Marshall team Saturday. The talent level in the MAC barely rivals the Special Olympics. UCLA has too much talent. UCLA-4.5.

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL- MIAMI vs WISCONSIN- MIAMI-3.5.
Is Wisconsin in the Big Ten? Is the Big Ten terrible? Is Miami fucking sweet? In the words of the very wise Uncle Luke, "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE U! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE U!" Miami-3.5.

HUMANITARIAN BOWL- BGSU vs IDAHO- BG-1.5.
I haven't looked at anything about these two teams. I know Idaho was a covering machine early in the year but I'm not sure how the finished out. I will never, ever, bet on BG...unless it is a syphilis competition. Idaho+1.5.
HOLIDAY BOWL- ARIZONA vs NEBRASKA- PICK.
The Big 12 sucks. Suh is a fucking monster, but he is already counting his millions and couldn't give two shits about this game. Nebraska has zero offense. Arizona PICK.
ARMED FORCES BOWL- HOUSTON vs AIR FORCE- HOUSTON-4.5.
Houston has some real talent. They don't know the meaning of defense, but their offense is top notch. I see a shootout coming and Houston will be able to out last Air Force. The Air Force is for pussies, real men go to the Coast Guard. Houston-4.5.
SUN BOWL- OKLAHOMA vs STANFORD- OKLAHOMA -10.
This line came out at -7 and I was a little confused by it. Then the line jumps to -10 and I have no fucking clue what is going on. Here is what I know: Oklahoma's defense is great, Harbaugh doesn't really want to be in Stanford, and Oklahoma will not let Gerhart beat them. I rolling with the Sooners and giving a ridiculous amount of points. Harbaugh is a dick. Oklahoma-10.

TEXAS BOWL- NAVY vs MISSOURI- MIZZOU -6.5.
I can't bet against Navy in a big game, especially when I am getting 6.5. Missouri isn't good. They didn't beat an actual D-1 team all year. Navy comes to play every game, 6.5 is too much. Navy+6.5.

INSIGHT BOWL- MINNESOTA vs IOWA STATE- MINNY-2.5.
I previously said that Wyoming was the worst team to ever participate in a bowl game. I would like to strike that comment from the record. Iowa State is the worst team to ever participate in a bowl game. Minnesota will win this game by 14+. Minny-2.5.

CHICK-FIL-A BOWL- VIRGINIA TECH vs TENNESSEE- VT-5.5.
Lane Kiffin is a herpes wart on the taint of college football. I hate that faggot. I think it's hilarious that a school like Tennessee would actually hire him for absolutely no fucking reason. Va Tech is going to eviscerate them so bad that Seung-Hui Cho will blush in hell. VT-5.5.

I also promised you some standing, so here they are:
NAME WIN
LOSS
ANDREW 7 4
DUT 6 5
JEFF 6 5
ACE 5 6
DAMMAN 5 6
LIL STRUT 4 7
DREW 4 7
GRUMP 4 7
TONY B 4 7
SEAL 4 7
BEANIE 3 8
J SAUL 3 8
JESSCOT 3 0
G$ 2 9
KP 1 2
AKPAUL 1 2

Don't ever believe anything G$ says about college football. And you sure as hell better not take any gambling advice from him. That is just embarrassing.

18 comments:

Grumpy said...

Wow, G$ really doesn't know dick. Here's where I get well.

UCLA
Miami (of Florida)
Idaho
Nebraska
Houston
Oklahoma
Navy
Minny
Va. Tech

GMoney said...

I haven't watched more than 4 series of any of these horrible bowl games this year. I don't have to apologize to any of you.

Temple
Da U
Idaho
Nebraska
Air Force
Stanford
Mizzou
Iowa St.
VT

Anonymous said...

I think the game tonight is going to be a real good one.

UCLA
Wisconsin
Idaho
Nebraska
Houston
Oklahoma
Navy
Minnesota
Tennessee

--Drew

Kenneth said...

UCLA
Miami
BGSU
Nebraska
Houston
Oklahoma
Mizzou
Minnesota
VT

Anonymous said...

Sorry, too busy to pick some of the games due to acute intoxication.

Now boarding, flight to failure, my picks:

UCLA - temple blows
BG -
Miami of Florida
Nebraska
Houston
Stanford - Heisman winners should always win their bowl game
Missou
Minnesota - Gopher Power!
VT - homer pick due to affiliation

-AK Paul

Jeff said...

UCLA
WISC
IDAHO
NEB
HOUSTON
STANFORD
NAVY
MINN
TENN

jessegscott said...

didn't know i needed to pick here. but will pick back up.

Temple
Wisconsin
Idaho
Arizona
Air Force
Oklahoma
Navy
Iowa State
Tennessee

Grumpy said...

G$ picks Temple, proving he really is a fucking idiot. Hard to believe I idolized this guy a week ago.

Anonymous said...

Temple
Miami
BG
Nebraska
Navy
Houston
Oklahoma
Iowa St.
VT

Andrew

Tony B. said...

UCLA
Miami
BG
Nebraska
Air Force
Stanford
Navy
Minnesota
V Tech

Anonymous said...

UCLA
Wisconsin
Idaho
Nebraska
Houston
Stanford
Navy
Minnesota
Tennessee

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Do you really think that UCLA wants to play in 30 degree weather when they are a 6-6 team who needed fucking ARMY to lose just to get in? This means a ton to the Owls. They will win.

Dustin said...

UCLA
Wisky
Bowling Green
Nebraska
Houston
Stanford
Navy
Minny
Tennessee

PS- I realize that the UCLA game has started, but they are currently losing and I was going to take them anyway. I don't want to hear your bitching.

Anonymous said...

Same boat as DUT but I don't even know the score. And I would take UCLA anyways

UCLA
MIAMI
BGSU
NEBRASKA
HOUSTON
OKLAHOMA
NAVY
MINNESOTA
TENNESSEE

J Saul

Anonymous said...

UCLA
Miami
Idaho
Nebraska
Houston
OU
Navy
Minny
Va Tech

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

No Damman?!?!?!? Get your picks in on time, queers.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, we lost power until just now. I obviously missed the UCLA/Temple and Wisc/Mia has already started, Mia is up 7-0 but I am taking Wisc anyways. Blow me if you don't like it.

Wisc
Idaho
Ariz
Hou
Stanford
Navy
Min
Ten

-Damman

GMoney said...

Fuck Al Golden and his non-covering ass. Bullshit.