Tuesday, December 01, 2009

A Match Made In Homo Heaven

One thing that many of you may not know about me is that I am an expert computer hacker. I literally can read every email that you have ever sent or received. After coming across the following conversation though, I think that I will give up on that. Allow me:

*****************************************
Seal,

Hey baby! I saw you at The Prog this summer sitting out in the bleachers and--DAMN--you were looking fine. I almost ran up to you and started licking your stubble beard! You were giving off that vibe that only you can give me. You know what I'm talking about! That look that just sets my loins on fire. But baby, one thing has been bothering me...why won't you wear MY jersey? Now, I know that you and Kenny had a thing going on a few years ago and he was the one that gave you the clap, but I want my name on your back, sweetie. What is it going to take for you to come out of the closet and wear your man's jersey? XO XO

Sizey
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My love,

Do NOT read into my choice of clothing. Each and every time that I watch you catch a fly ball or strikeout or lick your purple lips, my asshole quivers in anticipation for what is coming. Fire in the hole, stud! I'll tell you what. If you can do something for me, I will give in to your demands (again!!!). First, go get me a coffee. Then, go into a dingy bathroom. Slowly de-robe. Next, dip your dick into my coffee cup and take a picture. You have no idea how much I've always desired to suck hazelnut out of your dickhole. Just thinking about it makes my jaw ache. If you will do this for me, I will put the Lofton jersey away and finally wear my MAN's gear. XO XO standing 69 XO

Seal
***************************************
Seal,

Done, honey. Hope you like it. I can't wait to dip my balls in your mouth again. XO XO mushroom stamp XO

Sizey
***************************************

I think I'm going to be sick. Sure, the pics are hilarious and all, but I'm terrified at how easy it was to "write" fake gay love letters. Whatever, this was brilliant.

9 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

That was brilliant...I think Uncle Tim might be coming to look for you, because his queerdar just went crazy.

Anonymous said...

Uh, I would watch what I say about him considering he will be your starting centerfielder in 2 years.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Melky > Grady...or were you talking about Seal?

Seal, why the fuck are you wearing a Tigers hat?

Anonymous said...

If you think Melky is better than Grady, then you obviously have the same relationship with Melky that Seal has with Grady. That's the explanation I can think of.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

I think I speak for all of G$'s stalkers...err followers, when I say we need at least one interview every week. Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Damn.. Grady looks good.

-lil strut

Anonymous said...

No joke. That is funny.

Seal

J Beanie said...

Coffeecup Seal. I love it.

This is totally believable.

Tony B. said...

That was some funny ass shit.