Thursday, December 10, 2009

Just Name A Coach Already

Is anyone else getting sick of hearing about who might replace Charlie Weis's size 58 pants in South Bend? Thankfully, it appears that this nightmare could be ending tomorrow. It fucking better end. It sounds like it will be King of all Douches, Brian Kelly, although that guy from UConn is getting some love, too.

I don't get it. I really don't. Notre Dame, arguably the most prestigious college football program (historically) in America, is deciding between two Big East coaches? This seems like they are settling. Why aren't they shooting for someone better. I'll tell you what, this week would have been the perfect time to go after Urban Meyer. He's coming off a tough loss. He's losing his stud QB. They won't be an elite team for the next year or two. THIS is when you can get him out of Gainesville. Yet it seems as though Jack Swarbrick didn't make much of an effort.

I'm also not really sure how Randy Edsall is qualified for this big of a job. Just because he went into South Bend and won this year, he's automatically qualified to lead the program? If that's the case, someone call whoever was Syracuse's coach last year. Or were they in love with his International Bowl win over Buffalo last year? I read that ND was impressed with the way that Edsall handled the situation of his player getting murdered. Ummmm, OK? I have no idea how that relates to wins on the football field. Unless Notre Dame plans on having a bunch of players get killed within the next few years. In that case, Edsall would be a perfect fit. And I totally support whichever terrorist cell decides to start targeting people wearing golden helmets.

How sad is it when the coaches at Iowa and fucking Stanford have no desire at all to talk about the position? I---Jesus Christ, Mr. Ace just sent me a picture text of his scrotum...awful, just awful---find this hilarious. Hell, Harbaugh went out of his way to tell the world that he didn't want to even talk to those people. Priceless. I love it when mediocre Big Ten and Pac-10 programs look down on Notre Dame.

And then there is Brian Kelly. Dr. Lou said he is 96% sure that Kelly will be the next coach. Great. Kelly is such a smug prick. His ego is fucking massive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong that, but it does make that person much easier to hate. And Kelly's queer ass is extremely simple to loathe. People keep saying that Kelly is a great fit for Notre Dame. Really? Last time I checked, the offense in South Bend was not the issue. The problem was that they could never stop anyone. And now they want to hire another offensive guru? By the way, Cincinnati's defense was statistically worse than Notre Dame's this season. So exactly what "The Situation" does this solve? They are still going to score and still won't be able to stop Navy. NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

Now try this on for size, for some reason, Brian Kelly let it known that he is pro-choice. Why a football coach was asked his opinion on abortion, I have no clue. The Catholic faith is staunchly pro-life (obviously). Ummm, why are the priests that run ND just ignoring this? Granted, it has nothing to do with his coaching ability, but doesn't this seem like it should be a bigger deal to them. Kelly does not believe in one of the bigger tenets of the Catholic faith. If they are going to completely ignore their own beliefs to win football games, then why in the fuck are they still keeping their admission standards so high? If you are going to ignore Jesus to get a coach, you should ignore the Dean to get better football players.

Notre Dame is a fucking mess. Just thinking about this "The Situation" makes my head and balls ache. They should just do what America wants and hire the great Rush Propst to run the show anyway. Whatever.

Men, you are definitely going to want to stop by tomorrow. I promise. I am not lying about this. I have been working on Friday's post for over a week. It will be tremendous.


Anonymous said...

G$....Rich Rod took your advice and hired Syracuse's coach from last year to be his D-Coordinator this year. It worked out great! Hahaha.

Nice "The Situation" references.


GMoney said...

Another thing, I would not be surprised if there was some investigating done by NCAA in Cincy within the next year or two. Those facilities are one with talent would want to play there.

Anonymous said...

Want to know how much of a scum bag Kelly is?

He called the entire Cincy football team into their football facility auditorium on Tuesday night. He was on speakerphone from NYC. He said that ND had offered him the job (who knows if he was telling the truth) and that he had told Cincy a salary they had to meet and they met it. BUT, he also told them that he needed 20,000 seats added to the stadium by 2012. They told him that they couldn't do that until 2018. He told the team that he gave Cincy until noon on Thursday. So, this piece of shit basically tried to turn the team against the school for not meeting a demand that he knows they couldn't make happen. I hope he gets the job, just because I want to root against him.


Mr. Ace said...

Why the fuck would Urban Meyer go to ND? He has absolutely no reason to go to that shithole. Either does Stoops.

Weis brought in one of the best, if not thee best, D coordinator in the nation in Tenuta and the D still sucked. I don't now how, GT's defense was awesome under Tenuta during his time there. I don't think they need a defensive minded coach, although Kelly was a defensive line coach at the college level, but a coach that is willing recruit a little more towards the defensive side of the ball.

It's 2009...ND can't afford to turn down a coach because he likes the idea of a woman getting a coat hanger stuck up their snatch and scrambling fetus brains.

You deserved that scrotum picture...I can't believe I'm taking the fall for Dut's queer uncle. You should watch Band of Brothers, traitor.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, are you really mad at Kelly for that?!?!?! Cincy's football facilities are fucking garbage! He just brought then two straight BCS bowl births and he wants to see some of that BCS money spent on his program. Cincy doesn't even have a fucking practice field!!! I have no problem with what he did.

GMoney said...

Dude, there is no excuse for him trying to hold UC hostage.

Grumpy said...

Kelly is a douchebag and I hope he takes the ND job, but really, why would anyone want that job. Oh, I forgot, you're financially set for life, even if you fail.

GMoney said...

And it can't be hard to follow Charlie Weis. That's the biggest draw right there.

Tony B. said...

It might be hard to follow Charlie Weis only because his foot steps cause earthquakes and cracks in the Earth's crust.

Anonymous said...

What the fuck?

NEW ORLEANS -- A Louisiana man who bet against the New Orleans Saints has lost his 60-inch high-definition, flat-screen TV to a backyard firing squad, but he also became an Internet star.

Wayne A. Spring told his friends that if New Orleans beat the Washington Redskins on Sunday, anyone who wanted could come to his house and shoot his television.

Spring said as soon as the undefeated Saints kicked the winning field goal, his phone started ringing.

About a dozen gun-toting Saints fans showed up at his home in Albany, about 50 miles northwest of New Orleans, and shot up his TV in the back yard.

Spring put the video on YouTube and says it has had over 145,000 hits in three days.

Authorities said the TV shooting apparently didn't break any laws.

Mr. Ace said...

I was there.