Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Athletes Of The 2000's

(None of us would have any fucking clue how to satisfy this. I wouldn't even want to try either. It would be too embarrassing.)

A decade ends this week. Whatever. I'm having a hard time coming to grips that that Y2K scare is ten years old now. Where has the time gone? Anyway, this week, we are doing what every other blog is doing and comprising a list of bests and worsts of the past ten years. Obviously, this is going to be just my opinion and I am giving way more answers than you probably care about. But nevertheless, it's time to put a pretty bow on this past decade with my favorite parts of it. Today...My Most Loved and Hated Athletes Of The 2000's!!!

10. Rick Nash - By far my favorite Canadian, hopefully the team will stay in Columbus for the duration of his career.
9. Tim Tebow - Some people would rather root for criminals as opposed to respecting a great athlete and an even better person. Plus, chicks with huge knobs like to take pictures with him.
8. Touchdown Travis Prentice - Best RB in the history of college football. Yeah, I said it.
7. Mariano Rivera - I don't think that we truly embrace how great he has been. He might be one of the 5-10 best pitchers in the history of baseball.
6. Tiger Woods - His sexcapades only make me love him more. Well, that and his awkward celebrations with his caddy.
5. Alex "Baseball Jesus" Rodriguez - If I were him, I would kiss myself in the mirror, too. And I do!
4. Sean "Meast" Taylor - I like to think that he is still destroying fools to this day. RIP 21.
3. Ben Roethlisberger - He made the Miami fucking RedHawks a top ten team and has won two Super Bowls already. Big Ben should be recognized as the best QB ever with those accolades.
2. Derek Jeter - I don't know how anyone can hate him. Do you realize how much amazing ass he has pummeled?
1. LeBron James - The best athlete on the planet. It's not even close. Bolt and Phelps ain't got shit on Our King.

10. Craig Krenzel - A fucking joke of a QB and an even worse sports talk contributor. And he took his molecular genetics degree (or whatever it was) and does real estate now. Fuck him.
9. Byron Leftwich - I don't want to talk about him owning my teams.
8. Dustin Pedroia/Kevin Youkilis - I lumped them together because they both suck equally and I assume that they fuck the shit out of each other. KY (that is no coincidence) is a Jew from Cincy...possible relation to Grumpy? I hope not or he's banned.
7. Antonio Gates - Most of you only know him as a TE but he was a fucking cock when he played hoops at Kent State. A real dickhead indeed.
6. Terrelle Pryor - He will be in prison by 2020. Is it a stereotype? Perhaps, but this kid is a loser and you all know it.
5. Tyler Hansbrough - What a fucking douche. No one has ever gotten away with more fouls than Sucko T.
4. Jonathan Papelbon - No one on this Earth is a less intimidating cockfart than this prick.
3. Kevin Garnett - A career loser who behaves like a spoiled child and likes to punch white teammates. Go ahead and look it up. He suckerpunches white players like it's no one's business.
2. Tony Romo - If you like him, you eat weiners. His stupid ass grin haunts my dreams.
1. Pedro Martinez/Curt Schilling - I couldn't separate these two either. I could write a book on my burning hate for these pussies. But I won't. Not yet. But I will. Probably not.

I was surprised at how difficult it was to comprise and slot this list. I could have went to 100 with the athletes that I hate. Hell, I could go to 100 with blog commenters that I hate (1. Seal). Anyway, we wrap things up tomorrow talking about one of my true passions...TV shows.


John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Upstate Underdog said...

Rivera only #7 on the list? You disappoint me G$.

Grumpy said...

Not related to KY, but did go to Sunday School with his uncle. Can't wait for tv shows; I'm sure Bunk will make an appearance.

Grumpy said...

Oh, and "Temple will win". Fucktard. A word I learned here by the way.

GMoney said...

How was I to know that their stud Freshmen RB would get hurt? They played pretty well though. MAC has now lost 12 straight bowl games.

Bunk will be there...

Mr. Ace said...

Lebron is the best athlete on the planet? He's not even the best basketball player in the Association.

Where the fuck is Tim Duncan?

Anonymous said...

No Tom Brady?

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

I said athlete, not player. Eventhough he IS the best player in the NBA. And show some respect, cunt, for today is Our King's 25th birthday.

Anonymous said...

I would destroy her!!!!

Jeff said...

What about my Roid Boys Manny and Papi? They deserve some love if A Rod does. I guess you should have just put all the sox on there collectively. You don't love Aaron fucking Boone? If not for him the sox would have 3 rings this decade.

Tony B. said...

I understand the differences, but if you really think about it, it's odd that you have a boner for Tebow and hate Hansbrough. They both are goofy white guys who play tough, won championships in college, will be average pros, and stayed through their senior years. In fact, have they ever been in the same place at the same time?

Mr. Ace said...

Tony B, I was thinking the exact same thing...but then I realized I feel the same way. I think Hansborough is a fucking tool, but I've got MAD respect for Tebow.

GMoney said...

I don't have a problem with Manny and Papi, Jeff. And Aaron Boone is an awful baseball player. He was horrible on the Yankees besides that dong.

Hansbrough = Fag
Tebow = God

Grumpy said...

Hansbrough found that little girls puppy.

GMoney said...

But he raped it before giving it back to her.

KPietsch said...

LOL, I like the caption under the picture. I do think John Mayor, Derek Jeter, and the wheel chair boy from Friday Night Lights could give us some tips. Wow she's hot!!!

Anonymous said...

Minka likes it in the Stinka