Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The 2009 Money Shot Man Of The Year

All next week, I am doing sort of a decade retrospectus. If what is going through my mind right now can actually translate to the keyboard, it should be pretty solid. If not, who gives a's the week between Christmas and New Year's anyway.

That being said, 2009 was an extremely awesome year. It was so great that I decided to copy and give out my own unimportant and retarded award. They gave their Sportsman of the Year award to Derek Jeter. And while I applaud Derek for his winning ways and his vaginal destruction of Lyla Garrity, he was not considered for the award of The Money Shot's Man of the Year.

Basically, the guidelines are as follows:
-do something crazy
-do something awesome
-do something that has never been done before
-defy the odds
-cheat on your wife with at least a dozen women

The finalists were:
*Chris Johnson, RB, Titans - He is the best player in football. Period. Quarterbacks don't count as players because you can't hit them. There is no one more fun to watch than CJ.

*Tiger Woods, golfer, fornicator - 'Nuff said. I do applaud him for one reason: all of these skanks say that he was amazing in the sack. Well done, sir.

*Roberto Alomar, 2B, potential HOF, has AIDS - I still think that this is the most insane story of the year. I hope he doesn't spit in my mouth after not giving him the award.

*Alex Rodriguez, 3B, Yankees, Baseball Jesus - Dude, that was one hell of a year. It starts out horribly with his steroids secret coming out, he obliterates Kate Hudson's ass, and then becomes a World Champion in impressive fashion. I don't care what you say, this was a feel good story.

*Rick Pitino, coach, Louisville, pro-choice - What a story. It featured restaurant fucking, extortion, AND abortions. If you are going to ruin your credibility and reputation, this is the way to go.

*Michael David Barrett, pervert, man of action - Hey, I didn't have the balls to film Erin Andrews naked when she was in Columbus, but Barrett did. Sure, he's going to get raped in prison, but the memories of that video will always make my dong smile. Those little mini-squats than Erin did...amazing.

AND THE WINNER...of the 2009 Money Shot Man of the Year Award is...

Oh come on. Like there was even another option. It wasn't even close. The Situation owns America right now and I don't see this freight train of guidosity ever stopping. How could you hate a guy who refers to ugly chicks as "grenades"? If NBC ever admits that giving Leno the 10 pm hour was a massive mistake, The Situation could step right in and dominate the late night talk scene. He deserves to have his own show. HE'S THE SITUATION!!!

Congratulations, The Situation, on being named the 2009 Money Shot Man of the Year. And may 2010 be as badass as 2009 was. It's going to be tough to beat this year though.


Grumpy said...

Derek Jeter is doing Lyla Garrity? Riggins ain't gonna like this.

Anonymous said...

*You ever fucked on Ambien before? Anybody could be a superstar.

*I like The Situation/Leno parallel, just because I had never watched a second of that Leno show until The Situation was on it last week. You couldn't be more right.


GMoney said...

The Situation was on Leno last week??? Damn. I missed that. I bet he was great.

Grump, Buddy Garrity is cool with Jeter though so it's all good. Man, I can't wait for Friday Night Lights to come back.

Anonymous said...

How is A-roid a feel good situation? Other than when you imagine how good his dick would feel in your ass?

Yeah he overcame 'adversity' because he got caught doing something that he would have never admitted to unless it came out the way it did. Sure it was impressive and no one expected it, but I wouldn't say a feel good story.

J Saul

Anonymous said...

The Situation, Pauly D and Schnooki were on Leno. They did some "Celebrity Jeopardy" type thing, where Leno asked them common sense questions and let's just say...they are all retarded. Schnooki thought the United Nations Headquarters were in Albany, NY after Leno gave her the hint of "You live there". Go to Hulu.Com and you can just bring up that segment of the show. It's tremendous.


GMoney said...

Jon, he overcame his past playoff demons and seemed to finally "get it".

"He got caught doing something that he would have never admitted to unless it came out the way it did."--This is an aboslutely retarded statement.

Anonymous said...

I'll restate - He only admitted to it because he got caught (not saying he is the only one or can blame him, but just trying to argue the 'feel good' story aspect)

I guess its more of a feel good story for Yankee's fans because he learned how to play in the post season, not really a 'Feel good' story for the year.

J Saul

Tony B. said...

Excellent choice, G$- though, you're right, there was no other option. The Situation made it easy on you.

I love how his barometer for if he's going to be able to hook up with a chick is whether or not he can get her back into the hot tub.

GMoney said...

I have a feeling that Santa Blogs may be coming to town tomorrow.

Mr. Ace said...

I think Phelps should have gotten some love as well.

Dustin said...

Santa blogs is coming to town!! I still have my Braylon Edwards autograph!