Monday, November 30, 2009

The Worst Of Week Twelve Vol.III

(FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGS!!! I'm tired of talking about how shitty these two shits are so I won't today)

OK, dammit. I'm sold. Vince Young is the shit. I apologize for every bad thing that I've ever said about him (and there has been a lot). When he and Chris Johnson are on the field together, it is absolutely acceptable to have a boner. VY did it again yesterday by going 99 yards (against a Matt Leinart-led team!!!) for their fifth win in a row (why the fuck did it take so long to bench that drunk Collins again?). I have now officially switched my "other team" association. It started with the Niners but I am fully on board the Titans bandwagon now. If I was retarded enough to have a "power poll" ranking NFL teams in an arbitrary fashion that means nothing, I would put VY's Titans at #5.

Vince, you seem like a guy who would troll the internet searching for stories about yourself, I fucking love you. You make watching Carlos Rogers and Fred Smoot not covering anyone tolerable. I wish that AT&T had the "all-VY channel" as part of the Red Zone package. How do I segue into the shitty performances from the week that was? I don't know but I'll figure it out. That's why they pay me the big bucks.

5. Jake Delhomme - He really is a mainstay and I should probably make Jake the first Hall of Fame Worst Of inductee. He threw more passes OFF THE WRONG FOOT yesterday than he did the right way. It was embarrassing. It was like watching Les Miles operate a 2 minute drill. Just horrendous. Delhomme was throwing passes like Strut bowls (he also releases his ball off the wrong foot for reasons that even he does not know). Jake passes footballs around the Meadowlands like me losing to She$ in bowling on Friday night (I was not drunk, only was on my second Stroh's, just extremely ashamed and I'm done talking about it). I think that about sums up Delhomme.

4. Chad Henne - I actually got into an argument with a Dolphins fan last week (he probably thinks that Jimmy Buffett is good). He told me that Chad Pennington gave the Fins the best chance to win. I called him a child molester and shit on his face for being a retard. Henne makes that team better...unless he is playing in the vast wasteland of Buffalo. That was horrible. I was close to making the Fins my "other team" for the year until yesterday. But I can't support a team who loses to the Bills, has Henne at QB, AND has a coach who wears sunglasses at all times like an asshole.

3. Gary Kubiak - He can pack his fucking bags already. His job is officially gone. It is not just dumb luck that his teams piss their pants in big spots EVERY TIME. How do you blow a 17 point lead at home? I don't care who you are playing, that is unacceptable. The Texans are done and should enjoy their hundredth 8-8 season in a row. By the way, all of those big name coaches should be looking at THIS job over any other. You can win with the Texans roster. They just haven't had a head coach for the past four seasons. Kind of like the Colts right now. Jim Caldwell does absolutely nothing.

2. Ohio - Oh, Christ. That is fucking TWICE now that the Bingles have played down to the Browns level. I can't respect that. At all. That was the worst game of the day. Carson Palmer was terrible as he has been for the past month. Larry Johnson got a bunch of undeserved carries. Ocho didn't score for about the 8th week in a row. Brady Quinn played like he was still at Notre Dame (poorly). This game should not have been televised. But everyone knows that the Browns suck, the Bingles are what really bothers me. You can't keep mailing in games against lesser teams. I'm not really sure who the worse 8-3 team is between Cincy and Dallas. Neither one has a shot in Hell at playing in the Super Bowl this season. That makes me happy.

1. Thanksgiving Football - Holy fucking shit. Tyler Perry couldn't even make football this unwatchable. Let's start with game 1. Obviously, I was at my boyhood home for the holiday in which TWO turkeys were deep-fried for SIX people. Leftovers, bitch! Anyway, the Lions game was going to be blacked-out up until Wednesday. Seriously. There was a blackout risk for the damn turkey day game. It's time to take the game away from Detroit or at least make them play on the road. At least game 2 was better! If you remember, last year everyone bitched about how Thanksgiving needed to be changed because the games were all horrible. The NFL's response? LET'S GIVE THE COUNTRY THE FUCKING RAIDERS IN A SPOTLIGHT GAME AGAINST ANOTHER TEAM THAT EVERYONE HATES!!! Fucking idiots. There is no excuse for this. And then there is game 3 in which more than half of the country couldn't watch. I would have loved to see Eli make his stupid retard faces for three hours. The NFL does NOTHING right when it comes to Thanksgiving. Not one thing. Daughtry? Really? They are about as popular as a dick in the ear. And we get it already, Detroit is MoTown and we've all heard the same fucking songs at every Detroit-area sporting event over the past 20 years. Bruce Gradkowski is about as welcome in the Money house during Thanksgiving as cranberry sauce. FIX THANKSGIVING, YOU REDHEADED FUCK OF A COMMISSIONER. I'm sick and fucking tired of watching this horseshit. Send the Giants to Dallas. Send TCU to Detroit. Do fucking something!

You know what pisses me off the most though? Toby Gerhart did what I said he would do and he won the Heisman (and put an exclamation point on his Weisman) on Saturday night yet people still keep talking about Colt McCoy. Fuck him. Speaking of which, how awesome were the Saturday night college football games? I'm usually quite negative toward that game, but the drama was outstanding (much better than the pro game for once). Or maybe I was just happy that Charlie Weis was getting fired. Yeah, it was probably that.


Anonymous said...

Stop trying to make up facts...the Lions confirmed the sell out on Monday. I'll enjoy you bitching about it every year too, because it's never going away. Kind of like how I enjoy my boy Fred Jackson dropping two touchdowns on your ass yesterday.


GMoney said...

When Brady and Welkah blow up for a combined 5 TD's tonight, your tears are going to taste so sweet.

Grumpy said...

The college games Sat. night were awesome; had me switching channels like crazy. First time I saw Gerhart; he deserves the award, both of them.

Mr. Ace said...

Suck McNabb's balls, bitch!

Easy on the VY love. It's only a matter of time before he is back in the club making it rain with his shirt off.

J Beanie said...

On an unrelated topic, can we call him "Coffee Cup" Grady for the next baseball season?

GMoney said...

I was going to do a small post on that tomorrow, Beanie.

J Beanie said...

Can't wait.