Monday, November 02, 2009

The Worst Of Week 8 Vol.III

(My guess is that all Packers fans are this retarded. I'm absolutely shocked that all the words are spelled right though.)

As I mentioned on Friday, I was in attendance for The Wig Master's wedding this past weekend. I was a bit nervous though as game 3 of the World Series was on during the reception and there was no way that I could just ignore it and hope for the best. Have no fear, bitchcakes. The bathroom at the hall was equipped with a TV. Fuck. Yes. After greasing the palm of the bathroom attendant kid with a few Washington's, it was on lock that the baseball game would be shown. So here I am, rotating between the bar, checking in on the wife, and hanging out in the shitter watching baseball. It was outstanding. I could not have been happier. Hell, commenter Lange and myself even agreed in principle on a fantasy football trade while other men were holding their dicks (which is now off, bud, I can't exchange CJ for Portis no matter what else I'm getting). Fucking beautiful. How do you make drunk wedding fun even better? Put a TV in the shitter, bitch.

Thankfully, the Redskins had the week off to fix their millions of problems (banning fan signs as an issue of public safety...well done, Danny Boy). But, dammit, the Rams and Titans actually won. And that pisses me right off. Now our only hope for the perfect season lies in the craptastic arms of the Bucs. Fuck. I was really hoping that the Rams would run the slate. Oh well, on with the worst:

5. Rex Ryan - I'm really starting to enjoy this fucking lardmouth getting karma shoved up his ass. What kind of fuck-up let's Ted Ginn beat him? TWICE. I really do hate the Jets. Whether it be Ryan acting like a buffoon on the sideline or Sanchise eating a dick on the bench or those awful NY Titans uni's that they keep wearing, this team is a big box of poo. And I wish the worst for them.

4. Eli Manning - What the fuck, retard? He's back to his old terrible ways again where he can't throw in the cold. Remember when douchebags like Peter King were calling Eli an MVP candidate? Yeah, the Giants don't even look like a playoff team now. You can throw on them at will. Brandon Jacobs blows nutsack. It's great. Oh, and the Eagles still aren't a title contender either. They aren't beating the Saints or Vikes.

3. Derek Anderson - Enough is enough already...this guy can not play football. Not just in the NFL either. He should be banned from throwing passes anywhere. Even to his kid (who is likely too ashamed to have a catch with his old man anyway). He is that bad. And I'm not one of those fags who thinks that Quinn should go in either. Because I don't...because he is worse. I didn't even think it was possible to complete 12% of your passes over the course of a month. Just an awful player on an awful team run by awful football people. Send these losers to LA already and start over again in 8 years. They should hire Two-A-Days coach, Rush Propst to run this team. Yes, that was an awesome reference.

2. Kurt Warner - I don't get the Cardinals. They look like studs against the Giants and some other team that escapes my memory and then lose to a Jake Delhomme-led squadron yesterday. What the fuck? Oh, you're saying that Warner turned the ball over five times because he is an old man that sucks? I see now. Not even the Redskins lost to the Panthers by double digits. Ugh. Anquan Boldin, you sir are a fucking bitch. That is all.

1. Wisconsin - Fuck all of you people. Every single one of you. That should have been a united front of hatred outside of Lamb-balls Field. There should have twenty flaming Favre effigies per parking lot. Instead, half of you supported this asshole. YOU CHEERED FOR THE QB OF YOUR GODDAMN DIVISION RIVAL!!! What do you expect from people who consider bratwurst to be a healthy snack. I fucking hate when fans do this shit. Brett Favre hasn't played for the Packers in two fucking years. It's over. Get over it. And he stuck it up your fucking asses yesterday and you took it all and smiled. Fans root for the jerseys. You don't attach your allegiance to players. It's no wonder that everyone hates Packer fans (might not be true but probably is). They are too stupid to realize that pro athletes are greedy and selfish fucks who do not give a shit about the fans that support them. And will Aaron Rodgers please stop pissing down his bloomers in big games? When was the last time that this bitch actually played well in a spotlight game? He sucked again while Favre made him look like a bitch (again). You know, maybe the Packers just suck. Maybe they are one of those teams that will never beat a good team but will beat the shitty ones. Are they the Houston Texans of the NFC and will sport an 8-8 record every year? Coach Humpty Dumpty needs to pull the marker out of his hat and shove it up his dickhole already. He is terrible.

Damn, I hate Brett Favre. But even that cockfart couldn't break my spirit today. FUCK YOU IN YOUR PENGUIN ASS, MR. ACE!!! The EPIC win on Saturday evening by the Miami RedHawks over the Toledo Buttsex was a long time coming. 1-8 and the yearlong losing streak is FINALLY OVER. Best team ever? Best team ever. Definitely the best team in Ohio.


Anonymous said...

Due to my life long hatred of the Fudge Packers, I greatly enjoyed this.

Too bad this has to be just on the NFL...It would have been nice if you could have included Michigan. Where's Mr. Ace...he's got to love the direction Michigan football is going now.


Anonymous said...

I had a two bets with the Redhead before the Browns game started. He bet me $20 that the Browns would cover and $20 that they would score 2 touchdowns. At 12:58 I backed out because I couldn't bring myself to root against the Browns.

I hate this team.


Mr. Ace said...

Drew, go chug a bottle of Clorox you queer.

If the Eagles would have lost it probably would have been the end of Mr. Ace. Moving down to Fuckeye nation, Michigan losing, Toledo losing, and then Philly losing would have killed me. But, we are fucking awesome so I'm here.

Eagles aren't contenders? And then you say we won't beat the Vikes or Saints...meaning that we are the #3 team in the NFC I presume. Sounds like a contender to me. And we will beat the shit out of the Vikes.

Mrs. Ace is one of those crazy retarded Packers fans. She went back and forth between wishing death upon Favre and proclaiming her love for's kind of scary.

I want Tommy Toledo back.

GMoney said...

I guess that when you are a Michigan fan, third place is desirable spot. For winners like myself, it means that you suck.

Damman, that was easy money. You are a pussy.

Grumpy said...

The wedding story was better than the football analysis; I love "The Worst Of...".

Tony B. said...

I love hating the Packers, the Vikings and Brett Favre. It makes things so much easier.

Anonymous said...

Brett Favre for $10 in the DFL. Best buy in the draft. Now I just need Slaton to be at least a half of the time starter for God's sake, hold on to the fucking football.
G$, after what CJ did, if you would have traded him for Portis, well sir, you would have been an idiot (to put it nicely).


rstiles said...

right on the money about packer fans