Friday, November 20, 2009

It's Barely A Rivalry


We've heard from Mr. Ace already and he was as faggy as ever and now it's time to hear from the overlord of this here site. For those of you who have no vested interest in the Ohio State/Michigan game, you are very lucky. It is insufferable here. You know, for being strictly a regional rivalry, in which the game rarely ever lives up to the hype, it sure does get talked about alot. And it is always annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I don't like it, I should leave Columbus. I get it. Remember that the next time I want to talk about hockey or the NBA, fucko.

I plan on staying relatively sober during the game. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older now and getting black out drunk at 3 pm isn't as appealling to me anymore. But that is probably my downfall. Big Ten football not only encourages binge drinking, it DEMANDS it. Because mass quantities of booze is the only thing that makes these vanilla-ass offenses of the Big Ten remotely watchable. Nevertheless, here is my unbiased (not really, it is the only week that I root for Michigan) look at the game tomorrow...which used to be a rivalry until one of the teams decided to stop being competitive.

1. Terrelle Pryor - He still sucks but he's been sucking less recently. It appears that Tressel does not want him to throw the ball further than 3 yards downfield unless Devier Posey has no one within 40 yards of him. Can he reel in his emotions? Will he turn it over? I doubt it, Michigan's defense truly is abysmal.

2. The OSU O-Line - I have no idea how this is possible seeing as the Buckeye OL over the past decade has been grossly overrated (see: Boone, Alex and Dye, Dan!), but they have been pushing bitches around the past few games. I have been shocked. I get the feeling that Michigan will make Pryor beat them off with his arm as opposed to his legs (TP gives amazing legjobs, I hear), can they continue the push in the middle?

3. Tension - Will something happen that proves to me that this is a real rivalry. Everybody does the whole pregame "both teams line up at the 50 and start jumping around" thing. Someone throw a punch! At least in the UNC/Duke rivalry (which I have determined to be the best in the land), Gerald Henderson throws cheap shot elbows at Psycho T. And they were fucking lottery picks! That, right there, is some pure hate. I need to see something from the players. The fans will continue to be themselves (for Ohio State, that means "assholes" and for Michigan, that means "Asian"), let's see some over-the-top passion between the lines for once.

4. Denard Robinson - This kid is fucking terrible. He should not see the field at all. I'm quite positive that he has done nothing good all season long when he has been in the game. Forcier or bust. That's how it has to be.

5. Matt Millen - This fuck-up is doing the game for ABC in the same state that he destroyed. Good call. For those of you who still claim that this is the best rivalry in all of sports, ABC/ESPN is sending their C team to cover this. You got bumped for fucking Arizona/Oregon and Kansas/Texas. God, Millen sucks. He has already made a likely shitty game even worse and he hasn't even muttered one retarded word yet.

6. Rich Rodriguez - The true wild card here. He is fighting for his job. He is fighting to get to a bowl game. He has to coach as though this is his last game because it could be. That means trick plays and going for it on 4th down like Belichick and raping Holly Rowe at halftime. This is it, buddy. No prisoners.

I see this game going one of two ways: Michigan wins a squeaker or Ohio State fucking rolls. And I think we will know after the first 5 minutes how it will go. You will be able to tell if the Wolverines quit on their coach early. The past few UM games, they quit. Do they just want the season to end tomorrow or not?

The line on this game is OSU -12. I have no clue why anyone would take the points with Michigan. They are inferior at just about every position. BUT, Ohio State really isn't playing for anything this week. Sure, you want to crush your rival, but the conference and Rose Bowl have already been locked up. Maybe they spent a good chunk of the week patting themselves on the back for winning the Big Taint/losing to Purdue. I don't know.

I'm not going to bet on it happening, but I will pick it anyway (because I don't care if I'm wrong). Michigan 23, Ohio State 21. RichRod saves his job...until he gets destroyed by Central Michigan in the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl. Enjoy the game tomorrow (you won't) and remember...this game is not nearly as important as a mid-June Yankees/Red Sox game!!!

On a serious note, sad news about Stefanie Spielman passing away yesterday. She and Chris did a lot of great things for cancer research.

25 comments:

rstiles said...

If Michigan gets behind, there are players out there who will quit...I seen it happen in the Illinois and Wisconsin game...

Michigan never had quitters until the last 3-5 years...it fucking sucks to have players who will quit playing hard and trying to win...

BTW - Fuck Justin Boren - I hope he breaks his leg or rips his ACL...that alone would be a victory for Michigan...

Grumpy said...

They both can go fuck themselves.

Anonymous said...

We all get to witness the greatest rivalry/tradition in all of sports tomorrow. You can't beat Ohio State vs Michigan on a cool fall Saturday. When I wake up on OSU/Michigan it's a different feeling than any other day of the year. It's like Christmas Day for a little kid.

Even though Michigan sucks something fierce this year, it doesn't take anything away from the game because come noon tomorrow when I see those ugly ass winged helmets come on to the field to take on my Buckeyes, my blood will be boiling as much as ever.

So let's all enjoy the greatest American sports tradition tomorrow (I will be drowning myself in Evan Williams and Coke) and be thankful that we get to witness it every year.

Thank you for your time.

Go Bucks!

-Damman

Anonymous said...

rstiles - you seen it happen?

Mr. Ace said...

rstiles, shut the fuck up. "Michigan never had quitters until the last 3-5 years"...that just sounds fucking stupid. But yeah, I hope Boren dies on the field...and Brandon Graham guts him.

We will know how this game is going in the first 3 minutes of the second half.

Don't be a retart, RichRod isn't coaching for his job. He isn't going anywhere. The Pres just came out and said she didn't think three years was enough time...and he's in year two. He's fine.

GMoney said...

Regional rivalry...you all are just too inbred to realize it. Not one person outside of the midwest will be watching this horseshit tomorrow.

Mr. Ace said...

I wrote this up last year regarding the best rivalries in all of sport, http://acetoolshed.blogspot.com/2008/11/greatest-rivalry-argumentthe-great.html

I forgot how great of a blogger I was on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

I have no numbers to back this up, but I am willing to bet this game is among the top 10 college games ratings wise every year on ABC. People around the country watch this game.

Your just as inbred as the rest of us so as David Duchovny says, "What, do you think you're better than me?"

-Damman

GMoney said...

I have no numbers to back this up, but I am willing to bet this game is among the top 10 college games ratings wise every year on ABC.

Shouldn't it be #1 though if it is the baddest game on the planet? Yeah, that's right, it gets old proving you wrong*.

*No, it doesn't.

Anonymous said...

G$....It will be the highest rated game in the nation tomorrow...you are just jealous that you don't have a stake in the rivalry.

Tomorrow is by far my favorite day of the year. I can't wait.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I'm not jealous at all. Both fanbases are awful human beings.

Anonymous said...

Judging by the stands at your game against Buffalo the other night, your school doesn't even have a fan base.

--Drew

GMoney said...

HA! How great was that! They had the nerve to say that there were 8,000 people there. From what I have read, it was between 700-800 including the band.

Daniel said...

Someone should mention that Dut traded Ricky Williams this week in the DFL and he then proceeded to put up 30 points yesterday. What a terrible Manager. G$ you you be especially pissed since it's coming at your expense. Also thanks for the shout out of calling me over-rated, but I think people have to first know who you are to rate you too highly.

Nate B. said...

I'd go back to wherever you came from Daniel. Don't you know that "Rex" roams these boards from time to time?

You know - the same Rex that took off your head in a football practice that left you in pieces for en entire half of a football season?

Upstate Underdog said...

"Not one person outside of the midwest will be watching this horseshit tomorrow."

Got that right G$, I can tell you people here in upstate NY could care less for this game

Anonymous said...

Its true Daniel, Rex put you in a coma. After all, it was in the Senior Edition of the Roar, so it has to be true.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Well, that decides it. We all know if New Yorkers don't care about it, it doesn't exist and nobody else should care about it.

They are the center of the universe after all.

-Damman

Upstate Underdog said...

upstate NY is far from the center of the universe. Just not sure what makes this rivalry any more of a big deal than every other rivalry game out there.

GMoney said...

UU, I ask the same thing every day. About twice per decade there is some actual juice behind this game. This is not one of those years.

Tony B. said...

People from California don't give a shit about OSU/UM either.

Anonymous said...

UU...I feel sorry for you, since display a high level of sports ignorance.

What makes it better than any other rivalry? It's two of the top five winningest programs in college football history...that border each other...that are in the same conference...and that completely despise each other.

I guess I can understand your ignorance when I think about how you probably root for a school that gave a starting QB job to a former Duke PG.

--Drew

Upstate Underdog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Upstate Underdog said...

Rivals that that border each other or from the state even...that are in the same conference...and that completely despise each other? Yeah, only Michigan-Ohio St can claim those fact.

Drew, what you said can be said for every big rivalry out there. Yes, they are high profile programs, I get it. I know people who consider Texas-Oklahoma, Cal-Stanford, and even Harvard-Yale to be a bigger deal than this game.

Anonymous said...

Fuck them wolverines