Wednesday, November 25, 2009

His Name...Is TOBY!!!

Ah yes, the final post at The Money Shot before a long, hard-earned holiday weekend. Did you all make sure to enjoy the "Roots" reference in the title? Good. As I mentioned earlier, I have been on vacation all this week and have barely left the living room at all. In fact, as I write this, I am too lazy to leave the room eventhough my wife is watching some of the atrocious programming that Bravo has to offer. So I dug through my CD's and decided to blow the shit out of my eardrums with some Big Tymers. Sifting through my CD's, one thing became evident...why do I own a bunch of Sonic Youth albums when I hate them? Stupid kids.

But I digress. For today, we must give out the most prestigious award that combines both college football and sports blogging. This is the fourth year that we've done this now and I nailed it on the head each time. You see, this blog has it's own Heisman Trophy that we give out. But that award has long since been trademarked by those bastards at the Downtown Athletic Club. So we will now officially call this award for college football's best (and most signature) player the Weisman Award. It is (obviously) named after Derek Weisman AKA that weird guy I went to high school with that may or may not have been related to Pickle. Past Weisman Award winners:

2006 - Colt Brennan
2007 - Tim Tebow
2008 - Tim Tebow

It's been discussed ad nauseum regarding how boring and shitty the college football season has been this season. The only decent conference that provides any excitement at all is the Pac-10. The SEC has been a fucking snoozer. The Big Ten should not even have words wasted on it. The Big 12 is back to being terrible. The Big East has been surprisingly good as I look forward to the UC/Wannstache game next weekend. The ACC--well--it has been there. Georgia Tech is awesome and Clemson doesn't suck as much as usual. Basically, what I'm getting at here is that nothing about this season will EVER be remembered outside of Charlie Weis getting fired and LeGarrette Blount beating up that honky in week one. That's it.

The Heisman voters tend to not give the award to the best player (how Eddie George beat out Tommie Frazier in 1995, I will never understand). But the Weisman does. We don't look entirely at numbers or wins and losses or schedules, we vote with our eyes. Who is kicking the most ass. EVERY WEEK. You can't mail-in games against lesser opponents. You curbstomp those fags just as hard as you would for your rival. This is why Tim Tebow loses out on a 3rd straight Weisman. This is why Colt McCoy is not considered. Jimmy Clausen does not get an invite to the ceremony because he got his ass beat this week.

The invitees: Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama; Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford; Dan Lefevour, QB, Central Michigan

The 2009 winner of The Money Shot's Weisman Award...Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford!!!

Ingram is getting all the press and it's solely due to him running behind an NFL-caliber O-Line and that his team is undefeated. I will not deny that he is a stud, BUT he's had 4 sub-100 yard games this year and I get the feeling that many RB's could put up similar numbers on that team. LeFevour has, BY FAR, been the best QB in the nation this season. He's completing 71% of his passes for the Chips, has 22 TD passes with 14 rushing TD's. Those numbers are Tebow-ish! CMU is 9-2 this year with the only losses coming at Arizona and BC...nothing to scoff at. But these two are no Gerhart.

Toby has rushed for triple digits in 9 of 11 games. He leads the country in rushing touchdowns with 23 (and this is BEFORE he scores 5 against that porous Notre Dame defense this weekend). He is second in rushing yards. He is doing all of this while playing at STANFORD! Have they even had anyone play in the NFL since TOUCHDOWN TOMMY VARDELL?

What it comes down to here is tradition. When was the last time that a white RB was even an option let alone being a dominating force in the best conference in the country (this year)? It had to have been World War II. He's like Jackie Robinson!!! And I love a RB wearing the number 7. Badass. It's like a stud LB wearing single digits. It just fits.

So congratulations, TOBY GERHART, on your well-deserved 2009 Weisman Award. You probably won't win the Heisman because the voters are fucktards, but you have just been immortalized in the blogging community. And isn't that why anyone plays college football?

Have a good holiday weekend everyone. Tonight will be Ricksalicious and tomorrow night the Naptown Wolverine Thanksgiving Poker Classic will be played. These are your chances to kiss my ring this weekend.


Anonymous said...

Perhaps this will explain why Eddie won the Heisman in '95. He may have been slightly deserving:

- 1,927 Yards Rushing
- 24 Touchdowns
- 152.2 Yards/Game
- Ran for at least 100 yards in every game
- OSU was 10-2 that year

You might want to go by actual statistics instead of your standard line, "He's from Ohio St? Well he doesn't deserve any credit."


Grumpy said...

Excellent choice. And G$ is right, Tommy Frazier got hosed. Damman is a fucktard, a word I didn't know existed until reading The Money Shot.

Anonymous said... forgot the 300 yard plus game against the Illinois defense that featured Simeon Rice and Kevin Hardy.

Fuck Tommy Frazier and the blood clots in his leg...what a pussy.


Mr. Ace said...

Frazier did get hosed. He quarterbacked the greatest team in college football history, he won a national title the year before, and is the last quarterback to win back to back titles since the 50's. He is one of the greatest college football players of all time and a top 3 QB all time.

This year, I will take Mark Ingram.

GMoney said...

Frazier is the best PLAYER that has played the game since I started watching football. I didn't say that Eddie was undeserving, idiot, just that he should not have won it in 1995.

You pussies are too sensitive.

Anonymous said...

Good choice with Gerhart. I agree with you fullheartedly that he is the most deserving for the Heisman, but playing on the west coast for a non-power is not going to do him any favors. Even though he played lights out in winning efforts against Oregon AND USC.

-Lil' Strut

Dustin said...

I would say that charles woodson over peyton manning is the biggest heisman hose job ever!

Ace- what does frazier winning the NC the year before have to do with winning the heisman the next year?

Anonymous said...

G$...Perv the latest Simmons' mailbag...I've got the first question in it.
Second time I've made that fucker, with the other one being the Lohan should do porn since her career is done e-mail.


Mr. Ace said...

New all time low, Drew. Congrats.