Wednesday, November 18, 2009

anOSU vs. Michigan: The Preview You've All Been Waiting For

It's that time of the year again, fellas. We can put aside our bitter differences and revel in the fact that our teams are part of the greatest rivalry in all of sports--I don't even know if I believe that anymore. The Fuckeyes roll into Ann Arbor Saturday and I must admit that it doesn't look good for my Wolverines. Michigan's defense sucks. Michigan's defense is terrible. Michigan's defense is more fucking rotten then my favorite photog's snatch--I'm joking, it is wonderful, I'd hit it and so would you. The way I see it, Michigan only has one chance to win this game; let Mr. Ace take over at Defensive Coordinator.

If I were given the reigns to the defense this week my main goal would be to stop the run. My next goal would be to take away the middle of the field. Michigan's linebackers are notorious for getting sucked up by play action and leaving enormous gaps in the zone to be exploited by tight ends or slot receivers. That shit can't happen Saturday. The corners will be playing press coverage all game and there should be one deep safety in the middle, slightly shaded to the side of the field that Donovan Warren isn't on. If Obi Ezeh is in the game he is going to be blitzing straight up the middle every play because he brings nothing else to the defense. Michigan is going to have to move Brandon Graham around a little bit so the Fuckeyes cannot double and triple team him every play. Make Pryor throw the ball down the field and outside the hash marks. The message to the defense has to be "make Pryor beat us." He is going to scramble, he is too great of an athlete not to, but we cant let him break a long one for a TD and we can't allow a short pass to turn into a big gain. If Michigan can somehow do this it greatly improves our chances of winning.

Unfortunately, there is probably about a 15% chance of that happening. But that's why they play the game or something like that. Onto the prediction.

I see the first half going about the same as last years, but with Michigan scoring a little more. Michigan will have the lead going into half. Let me repeat that, Michigan will have the lead at half. I expect the offense to keep the Fuckeyes D off balance with a lot of misdirection and quick throws, and a couple shots down the field. After watching what Wisky was able to do I am a little worried that we will get run all over. That simply comes down to linebackers stepping up, filling lanes, and making tackles. If we can do that we can hold the Fuckeyes to a couple field goal attempts and maybe the futbol player turned kicker will miss one or two. I think Michigan will run some hurry up to start the game to hopefully slow down the Fuckeye pressure. Like I said, we will be alright early. I expect Michigan to go into half with the lead. Something like 14-13.

The second half is where the game will likely be lost in excruciating fashion. My head is telling me that Tressel will adjust to our defense and come out and hang around 30 on us in the second half. That's just what Michigan does. At the beginning of the year we were a team that was thriving late in the game, even games that we eventually lost we still made a late surge to almost take the game. But lately Michigan has crumbled in the second half. I don't really see any reason that we wouldn't do the same thing again. Fuckeyes jump ahead quick and get up two scores and then can pin their ears back and go after Forcier. Forcier has a little bit of gunslinger in him, and is a true freshman, so he is likely to toss up some dicey passes that will surely end in turnovers. Michigan will get some scores, but not nearly enough. If I am strictly going with my head, I see this game ending up 38-24.

But I'm a fucking Michigan fan, at this point I can't think with my head, I think with my balls. And my balls are telling me that I need to shower...and that Michigan will find a way to rattle Pryor and force some turnovers. My balls are telling me that Darryl Stonum is going to take a kickoff to the house. And most importantly, my balls are telling me that Tate Forcier is the second coming of Football Jesus. Michigan pulls of the upset in a shootout, 34-33.

So what does this mean? Well, it either means that my balls are the reincarnation of Nostradamus or I've got the Clap.

Fuck the Fuckeyes! Fuck them right in Tressel's puckered up butt hole.


GMoney said...

Jim Tressel does not make halftime adjustments.

I've never even heard of the players that you mentioned. They must be terrible.

Grumpy said...

I hope you're right, but I'm betting on the clap.

Mr. Ace said...

Tressel doesn't make halftime adjustments in bowl games, duh.

Brandon Graham is a monster/All-American...but the rest of them pretty much suck.

MuDawgfan said...

Lets all take a moment to recognize how terribly gay the buckeyes are going to look in their throwback uniforms.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. MuDawgSis is a UM student and scored me a ticket. I hope its a good game.

Anonymous said...

G$...Tressel comment = stupid. You not knowing who Brandon Graham is, is even more stupid.....arguably the best defensive player in college football not named Eric Berry. I also hope you are sticking with your prediction you made a couple months ago on this blog, that Michigan will beat OSU this weekend...I didn't forget about that.

Ace...good thing you didn't go with your head...since you said OSU would have 13 in the first and 30 in the second half...but finish with 38.

You're a fucking moron and a doucher though. This game could get ugly and could get ugly quick. Michigan is 7th in offense in big ten games...OSU is 3rd in offense in big ten games...this is the best defense that Michigan will have faced...this is the worst defense that OSU will have faced...add that shit up and you have a blow out.

Fun Stat....After we win on Saturday, Dick Rod will have 13 big ten losses after two seasons...that will tie him with Tressel who has 13 big ten losses in 9 seasons.


Anonymous said...

I actually think the new unis look pretty cool.

No way Jim Tressel lets the Buckeyes score 38 points. He will pull back way too early when he should be stepping on the opponents throat like he usually does.

The Buckeye D carries the day and makes that midget Tate Forcier cry. Buckeyes jump on top by a couple TD's in the first half and coast the rest of the way making for an extremely boring 2nd half. Ohio St wins going away 23-3.

Ho-hum...another win over Michigan.


GMoney said...

Drew = child molester


Mr. Ace said...

Drew, you fucktard, I said they would hang AROUND 30!!!!! you fucking shit stain. Way to go out on a limb there, "this game could get ugly"... you could also pedophile faggot.

I'm telling you, Michigan will be fine in the first half. We average 16 points in the first half in Big Ten play. The second half is where we unravel.

Anonymous said...

Damman...Bucks scored 45 last year, so it is possible...and Tress can't stop the defense from scoring touchdowns if that starts happening.


Anonymous said...

16 pts in the first half of Big Ten play....Good For You!!!!


Nate B. said...

So you think Tate Forcier will actually survive this game? Or bruise his pussy and transfer out like McGuffie?

Your best chance of beating OSU will be in years to come, if Devin Gardner actually pans out.

OSU - 45

UM - 10

Anonymous said...

I bet Tress breaks out some trickery and we see Posey throw another TD..that plus a Ray Small special teams TD will hold off a late Michigan charge and Bucks win a close one 24-17.


Anonymous said...

Ohio State will run at will all day long and have two players approach 100 yds rushing. Terrelle will throw for around 170 with 2 TDs through the air and 1 on the ground. OSU's defense will be able to get pressure w/ just four, which will force Forcier into some ill-advised throws into good coverage. Many turnovers ensue.

Ohio State 42 That School Up North - 13

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Also, I would not be surprised if TP catches a TD as a reciever when OSU runs out of the wildcat formation.

-Lil' Strut