Monday, October 26, 2009

The Worst Of Week 7 Vol.III

By the way, I'm watching the 4th quarter of the Falcons/Cowboys right now and am just appalled by the douchiness of Keith Brooking. He is behaving like a fucking child out there. Not to go all Joe Buck, but it is disgusting. Be a fucking pro. Yeah, we get it. You used to play for the Falcons and they didn't want you anymore because you suck. But football is a business and you should know that. God, I hate the Cowboys. I was generally upset when Tony Romo wasn't hurt when he got hit in the neck. Why? Because these guys are all classless shitheads. Ugh.

Maybe I'm just worked up because I saw one of the worst performances by a unit that I have ever seen on Saturday. As many of you know, I was in Oxford this weekend for homecoming and caught the epic Northern Illinois/Miami donnybrook. The Hawks lost 27-22 and I hope that Tony B took my advice and took Vegas to the cleaners on that bet. Our losing streak has now reached a century (it seems). We just can't stop stepping on our dicks. All of these things happened to our special teams unit in one game (and to think, if they avoid two of these, they probably end the streak):
-a punt return for TD allowed
-a punt return taken back inside our ten yard line which led to a TD
-a poor kickoff coverage that NIU took back over the 50 which led to points
-a blocked extra point
-TWO missed chip-shot field goals (one of which was blocked)
And we lost by 5. God dammit. I hate rooting for a loser. I just want the streak to end. Looks like it will next week when Mr. Queer's UT Rockets come down to O-Diggity. Which leads me to the worst of week 7:

5. JaMarcus Russell - It's about fucking time that he got benched. No one turns the ball over more hilariously than JaMarcus. How bad do you have to be to hear these words: "take a seat, we're going with Bruce Gradkowski"? JaMarcus Russell-bad apparently.

4. Jake Delhomme - JaMarcus may be the funniest turnover machine in the league, but Jakey-poo is a close second. I would rather have Farrah Fawcett ass cancer than have Delhomme quarterback my team. This guy is doing a fantastic Rex Grossman impression this season. When in doubt, throw it deep into triple coverage! It's a bold strategy and apparently it leads to embarassing home losses to the Goddamn Bills. Poor John Fox...he's going to get fired because upper management thought that this shithead was worth a contract extension.

3. Matt Ryan - Damn you, Ice. Damn you to Hell. Thanks a lot for playing like shit yesterday. Sure, I was going against you in fantasy. But, I would have loved it if you had not sucked and made a much-anticipated NFC showdown into a snoozer.

2. Brett Favre - Now THAT is the Wrangler that we all know and love! I was laughing maniacally in the mansion after his fumble-six which he kindly followed up with his pick-six. The gunslinger sure was slinging up some defensive touchdowns in the 4th quarter. Glorious. But I will admit, the Vikes played even with the champs for most of that game. But, of course, they are no Super Bowl contender due to the land baron chucking shitty pass after shitty pass in the clutch. By the way, All Day lighting up William Gay...awesome. If you don't get a boner watching Peterson play football, you are a homo. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. FUCK YOU, BRETT!

1. Everyone associated with the Chicago Bears - Everyone. The city of Chicago, Bill Swerski, Tony B., Lovie, Red Grange, Smokey the Bear...all of you were the worst of the weekend. You all just let Cedric Benson shove his boating DUI'ed cock up your collective asses. That was just an abortion of a performance. Possibly the worst game I've seen any team play this year. It is amazing how awesome Jay Cutler is in wins and how rotten he is in losses. He's like a grumpier Tony Romo. Except that he can't have sugar and has twice as many chins. The Bears blow. Someone tell Matt Forte to stop playing like the Bears version of Ced Benson.

Oh God. I just realized that I have to watch the Redskins tonight. I think that I would rather be raped.


Grumpy said...

Not to quibble, but those field goal attempts Sat. were not exactly chip shots. Still should be made by a D1 kicker.

GMoney said...

I would have made them.

Dustin said...

Are the browns so bad that they're exempt from this list?

GMoney said...

Yeah, I don't even think about them anymore. Neither should you.

J Beanie said...

CAVS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Watching the Browns play is hilarious. You have to laugh.


Tony B. said...

Bad news G$, I was 100% on your bandwagon for the Redhawks to cover until you sent a second message about the senior QB getting benched for the freshman. Instead I laid no sports bets which was definitely for the worst (I only wanted two games, Georgia Tech and the Packers and would've won both easily.)

I have nothing to say about the Bears. That was just embarrassing.

GMoney said...

You sonofabitch! I'm trying to boost your bankroll now that you have a family.