Tuesday, October 27, 2009

BC-ACE Week 2: The Week Nobody Will Remember

Were there even any games played Saturday? I can honestly tell you that I don't remember watching a single play of college football on Saturday. Unlike most of you, I have a valid reason for my lack of viewing...I was unconscious. I got up to Ann Arbor a little before noon and began tailgating for the 3:30 matchup against Penn State. I thought it would be a good idea to mix an entire bottle of Captain Morgan with three cans of Pepsi and carry around a giant jug of this mixture while tailgating. I also thought it would be a good idea to chug this mixture in just over two hours and then move on to some beers and flip cup. These were not good ideas, in fact, they were very poor ideas.

I spent my Saturday passed out in a pickup truck covered in my own vomit...I assume your Saturday was not as bad as mine, but it couldn't have been much better if you spent it watching football. But the show must go on, here are your Week 2 BC-ACE rankings:

Ace's Bottom Bitch: Alabama. I'm sticking with them, there is really no reason not to. If it weren't for Mark Ingram giving up his first fumble since he was seven years old then they would have easily iced away a comfortable 12-3 lead. I just can't bring myself to punish any team that beats a team associated with Lane Kiffin's faggot ass. Bama gets a week off before taking on LSU. This is bad news for LSU.

2. Florida. Why not? They didn't look great but they endured Mississippi State's best shot and still remain undefeated. Plus, I think they may have been looking forward to the world's largest cock tease party, or whatever they call it now, coming up Saturday. Tim Tebow is kind of terrible, seriously.

3. Texas. They slaughtered Missouri. The same Missouri team that took down powerhouses like Bowling Green and Illinois this year. Texas sucks. I really hope they lose at Okie State Saturday because I really don't want to watch another Big 12 team get destroyed in the National Title game again.

4. TCU. I love TCU. Like give Gary Patterson a rimjob love TCU. In the only marquee matchup of the week, a game in which BYU was looking to avenge the beatdown TCU handed them last year, TCU came out and dominated the way a great team should. TCU has made it very clear that they do not intend to take any team lightly the rest of the way. Mark it down, this team is BCS bound.

5. Cincinnatti. Did they even play Saturday? I don't plan on talking about Cincy in detail until after they play West Virginia November 13th.

6. Iowa. All they do is win. It's not pretty, but they get it done. I hate to say this, but Iowa kind of reminds me of the Fuckeyes back win Fuckeye nation liked Tressel. But needing last second heroics against Sparty is unacceptable if you want to be a top 5 team.

7. Georgia Tech. It is great to see the triple option coming back to the big time. I don't know if there is a defense out there that can stop them. The ACC is extremely underrated this year and if you look at their resume you can't help but be impressed with what they have done. Tech should be able to cruise until they meet up with UGA on Nov. 28th. No way they don't end up inside the top 5 by the end of the year.

8. USC. I keep waiting for USC to prove me wrong but they refuse to prove their worth to me. Oregon State is not a terrible team, but they certainly are not the kind of team that should be within six points of USC when USC is playing at home. They really are not the kind of team that should be putting up 36 points on the Trojans. Pete Carroll needs to quit banging song girls and coach his boys up. Who am I kidding? Keep banging out those sluts, Pete.

9. Boise State. HOLY SHIT! They beat Hawaii by 45! They should be in the National Championship game! What's that? June Jones coaches SMU now? The only FBS team that Hawaii has beat this year is Washington State. Boise State gets no credit for beating Hawaii. None.

10. LSU. Who the fuck else goes here? Where is Ryan Perrilloux when the Lesticles needs him? Wow, I can't believe I forgot about that kid. He is the perfect Pryor reference and I have missed it for the last year and a half. Perrilloux had 252 total yards and one TD at Florida State this year. Does anybody think that Pryor could even come close to that output? Didn't think so. And Perrilloux did it with the enormous talent of a D-17 Jackson State squad. I know, this has nothing to do with LSU this year...but they aren't really relevant anyways.

121. Washington Redskins. The Redskins would get rolled by Miami of Oxford and North Texas. You know the Redskins are fucking terrible when, as an Eagles fan, I am embarrassed that we only beat that Daniel Snyder abortion by 10 points.

Here are the BC-ACE Week 1 rankings if you are interested. Which you most certainly are.


Anonymous said...

"The ACC is extremely underrated this year."

I stopped reading after I read this idiotic statement. The ACC underrated? Every team except GT has two losses. Duke is tied for 1st in one of the divisions!

Oh and how did it feel completely pulling a fantasy win out of your ass last night? Thank you Jason Campbell and the Redskins secondary for being the joke that we all thought you were.


Anonymous said...

Good thing you missed that game Mr. Ace...cuz' Michigan was fucking horrible. My favorite part was when the Michigan player was waiting to catch the punt and the other Michigan player dove and basically took his knee out and both were rolling on the ground in pain.

I was out in Cali for a wedding with a few Michigan season ticket holders. Their comments after were great, "Horrible", "I thought we had turned the corner, but we had not", "I need to reevaluate where I thought this program was at", "Embarrassing", "Will we ever even have a decent defense under Rich Rod?"....what a fun day of college football that was.


Anonymous said...

You've come a long way from soberiety Mr.Gayce (it's a play on words)

How can you keep two teams 1 and 2 in your non voters biased poll, when they both lost/should have possibly lost their games if it wasn't for shitty sec refs? If I created a non voter based poll I'm chalking both those games as losses and creating a new top 2. Just an opinion.

-Jon Saul

Nate B. said...

This will be USC's last hurrah in the top ten this week. The Zoo @ Autzen will be rocking this weekend!

Surprising stat of the season:

Tim Tebow's season stats:

Passing yards - 1,159

Passing TD's / Int's - 8 / 4

Passer Rating - 151.33

Rushing yards - 466

Rushing TD's - 6

Terrelle Pryor season stats:

Passing yards - 1,408

Passing TD's / Int's - 12 / 9

Passer Rating - 131.45

Rushing yards - 471

Rushing TD's - 5

For as bad as Pryor's been this year, Tebow's not getting much flak for being nearly as bad against worse competition.

Mr. Ace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Ace said...

Damman, you are still reeling from defeat so I will ignore your comments. ACC is easily the third best conference.

Drew, I'm not surprised Michigan fans you know would make retarded statements like that...I can't imagine you associate with many intelligent people.

JS, What did the SEC referees fuck up in the Bama game? Don't you dare say they should have called Cody for taking his helmet off after blocking that kick.

Nate B, I'm not ready to hand Oregon the W just yet. Masoli will have to play out of his ass for them to win...but Autzen might be the best home field advantage in the country. I hope you are ready to be struck down by jesus christ himself for comparing Tebow to Pryor.

Nate B. said...

Jesus forgives. After all, everybody kills people.

GMoney said...

This post was much more crisp than last week. UC sucks.

If I had the choice of winning football games or banging song girls...call me the Washington Redskins.

Dustin said...

Mr. Ace- weren't you all for the refs calling a penalty on dwayne rudd throwing his helmet when it cost the browns the game??

Anonymous said...

It's a College football rules, may not makes sense but it is. Much like the rules on who gets to go to BCS games. Gotta stick to the rules or this Society would be chaos!!!!!!

And the TD that FL shouldn't have gotten!?

Jon Saul

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nate. Although I think Terrelle Pryor is Terrellible and should be named Jamarcus Pryor, the statistics don't lie. Tebow should not win the Heisman this year if he keeps this up.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

Dustin....there you go again with the Browns talk. Nobody gives a shit.

I am not against anything that goes against Lane Kiffin's faggot ass. Didn't I already say that?

I agree with you on the Florida call, total bullshit.

Lil Strut, calling TP Jamarcus Pryor is a slap in the face to Jamarcus Russell.

Nate B. said...

Jon Saul,

You still eating Townhouse Crackers at work?