Monday, September 21, 2009

The Worst Of Week 2 Vol.III


Oh boy. This might be the most hungover blog of all time. You see, Shags got married on Saturday night. She$ stayed home due to work which left me to party with my dawgz. Shags' dad told everyone to order "doubles" instead of regular drinks at the bar. I put down about 40 14/14's (double 7/7's). I damn near puked at the bar after the reception. I started back-to-back N-a-p-o-l-e-o-n chants. I woke up in the hotel room knowing what was coming. Two hours later, I am violently wretching my guts out in the bathroom sink. Why the sink? Because Damman already destroyed the toilet with his puke at some point during the night. I fucking hate puking. I don't do a normal puke. I make the most horrific sounds ever when I'm shooting whiskey all over the porcelain. It's awful. But this just goes to show that no matter how old you get, you can always tie on one like you used to with your boys. Just don't count on being a productive member of society for the next three days. Awesome night but it ruined my normal Sunday football-watching joy. Well, it was either that or getting stuck with the Bengals, Lions, and Browns games yesterday. Ugh. Onto the worst of the week.

Honorable mention: my colon, my stomach, my brain...see above. Had a bad, bad day.
Honorable mention 2: Jeff Reed - way to cost your team a game, ya faggot. Missing two easy field goals??? James Harrison has raped uglier men for less than that. Cover your butt this week, homo.

5. Titans Defense - Whoa. They looked awesome against the Steelers last Thursday and then follow that up by getting gashed by the gash known as Matt Schaub. Seriously, Schaub is not good. He shouldn't be putting up numbers like that over three games let alone against a Jeff Fisher coached team at home. And should we be starting to get nervous about Steve Slaton? He's averaging about -12 yards per carry.

4. Brady Quinn - I'm about 95% sure that Quinn will be nothing more than a backup in the league. He just isn't good. He plays tentative. He takes waaaaay too many sacks. He has the dreaded "happy feet". Does anyone want to argue that the Browns are anything more than MAYBE a two win team? They suck. No team should lose by 3 scores to a Kyle Orton Express-led squadron.

3. Sean McDermott - Nice defense. I saw the feature on Fox's pregame 60 minutes of pimping that awful Strahan sitcom (Apollo Creed!!!). The Eagles defense is not good. Don't believe the hype from last weekend's Delhomme pants-shitting. These losers are going to have to win shootouts almost every week. They're like the Saints except that they aren't fun to watch and their QB knows a thing or two about ralphing. I don't care if they were playing the Saints, you can't give up 48 points in your home opener. You suck. Mr. Ace swallows.

2. Aaron Rodgers - You know, and I am guilty of this, many people said that the Packers' shitty season last year was not Rodgers' fault. Well, after watching them get destroyed by the Bengals yesterday in every facet of the game, maybe Rodgers just isn't that good. Maybe he's like Romo and Rivers and Brees...fantasy studs but losers on the field. Whoever the left tackle is for GB should be cut today. How do you give up 5 sacks to one guy...WHO PLAYS FOR THE BENGALS!!! I'll give the Pack a few more games but I'm leaning toward changing my NFC champion pick after yesterday.

1. Tom Brady - Fuck you, Tom. Fuck you in your smelly goat ass. That is SEVEN quarters now that you have sucked diseased possum nuts. You are going to cost me a G$FL win over Damman this week (likely unless the Phins kill Addai during the pregame). What is wrong with Brady anyway? He's getting outplayed by a Mexican AND Trent Edwards in less than a week! I just don't know what's the deal with him but he better quit fucking with my fantasy team, Big 'Uns. Oh yeah, and the Patriots are just a regular team now. They no longer feature that air of invincibility.

I wrote this watching Football Night In America before the Sunday Night game. Bob Costas interviewed Jerry Jones. I contemplated how soon I could get to Texas, once Jerry Jones is caste back to the underworld to be seated at the right hand of Satan, and spit on his grave. Seriously, I've never rooted for someone to die more in my life. The sooner the better. Maybe I will even violently vomit all over his tombstone. I'm open for anything really. In closing, I don't care if the Redskins won...they are terrible. Jim Zorn needs to go.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Browns are a joke. Brady Quinn needs to go back to making fun of queers on the streets of Columbus and stop being the the quarterback of my NFL team. Hey douche, you know you are allowed to throw the ball more than ten yards down the field, right? Especially when its 3rd and 10. Embarrassing.

I'm going to cut Mangini some slack for awhile because nobody can be expected to compete with this collection of skid marks, but I am pretty sick of not being at least competitive. It's one thing to lose, but to be embarrassed by the way your team plays EVERY week is no way to go through life. At least the Lions are semi-competitive.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot to congratulate Ace on his solid picks for weekend. 1-3 and not even close on the losses. He is the gambling expert?

-Damman

Anonymous said...

How do you not put "your" 'skins on here?! They are fucking brutal, beating maybe the only team in the league worse than the shitty browns 9-7 at home?! They are terrible - no chance at the playoffs in that division.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Ace actually went 1-4 on his picks...he should have been on G$'s worst list. I told that moron that MSU would cover.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Oh and how bout Delonte?! Way to go asshole. Did his crazy ass think he was filming a movie??

Seal

GMoney said...

Mangini looked like an idiot yesterday with that hat on.

Seal, the Skins "won" so they avoided my scorn. I would like to add Tony Romo though. He fucking sucks.

Mr. Ace should have been aborted.

Mr. Ace said...

Listen here ass holes, my picks sucked, but not as bad as your arithmetic. I was 5-8 if you count all my picks, and still have a monday nighter coming. But you fags can't count, so I don't know why I am arguing with you.

I'm not worried about my Iggles, no sir. I saw this one coming. Drew Brees is the best QB in the league against the blitz. McDermott doesn't have the experience to know when to shut it down and play some coverage. We played right into their hands.

Aaron Rodgers is destroying my fantasy team...but not as much as Lance Moore. Why the fuck did I spend $14 on him!

Anonymous said...

The Lions are going to beat the Redskins on Sunday....mark it down.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew, I really hope you're wrong about that. I don't want to be the team that the Lions finally beat (off).

Mr. Ace said...

Oh those silly Redskins..."All you fake half hearted Skins fan can .. I won't go there but I dislike you very strongly, don't come to Fed Ex to boo dim wits!! No I didn't play but I still made more than you in a year and you'd [gladly] switch spots with me in a second, I was talking to the fans [who] said the crazy stuff, I'm use [to] heckling but I've never been booed in my own stadium. . . . The question is who are you to say you know what's best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at Mcdonalds. . . ."

From some scrub linebacker.

GMoney said...

Yeah, Robert Henson is a real genius. They should cut him today as a sign of good faith to the fans that they continue to shit on. The fans had every right to boo them yesterday.

Dustin said...

The browns are unwatchable. I want DA back!!!

J Beanie said...

G$ - I expect a full investigation as to what Delonte West was doing w/ a guitar full of guns. Only you can uncover this.

GMoney said...

Beanie, hangover killed that idea yesterday but I'll "look into it" tonight.