Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Say Hello To His Little Friend

OK, the story broke on Friday afternoon and it's about time that I address this. Obviously, this isn't the time of year for much NBA talk, but it is always that time of year to discuss athlete arrests. And while we all wait to see who wins first, the Browns or the Cavaliers, I suppose that I should humbly speak on the situation surrounding one of my favorite basketball players.

So we all know the story behind Delonte West's recent arrest, right? He was riding a three wheel motorcycle in his hometown in Virginia. He cut off a cop. He got pulled over. He had two handguns on him and a shotgun in a guitar case (huh?). He was hauled off to jail. The media swarmed. He is going to get suspended by David Stern. He may spend a little time in the pokey.

No one is denying that this was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not even me, the colossal Cavs homer. It was retarded. But let's not go nuts here. Sure, you could classify him as the NBA's Scarface (especially with that shit on his lip which is a birthmark, by the way). But we really don't know why he was strapped. Well, I'm not afraid to ask the questions.

Did you ever think that maybe it was necessary? The guns were registered after all. From the sound of things, it seems like he was trolling for some jailbait ass on a motorized tricycle. Maybe he just wanted to ensure that no one would make fun of him? And what about that shotgun in the guitar case? I'm no musical genius, but maybe that is the instrument that he plays in his local garage band? I mean, Jackyl uses a chainsaw in their songs, maybe a shotgun makes beautiful music! Who are you to rip on an artist who is trying to do something new and inventive!!! Hell, I've heard that commenter, Tony B, uses a dead homeless guy when he takes the stage in NoCal.

Well, I say bollocks. I am sick and tired of white America villifying the black athlete just because he doesn't conform to societal norms. You will all be ashamed when the shotgun and motortrike go mainstream. D-Lo will have the last laugh. And this will all be swept under the rug like it should. I mean, America was built on bipolar millionaires cruising the strip with enough fire power to kill Robert Patrick in Terminator 2.

***If you couldn't find the sarcasm in this post, swallow a gun now. Of course, I find this to be incredibly retarded and am not making excuses. This hasn't been the best offseason for my Cavs as far as public relations go. Now along with the Shaq circus, the Bron potentially leaving mess, and a borderline retarded coaching staff, we have to deal with this all year. I'm not getting a good vibe about the upcoming season. Wait---no, sorry, I was sitting on a vibrator. So that's what that was.


Grumpy said...

That was a really funny post. Really. But Redz may have someone after him. Mans gotta protect himself.

Tony B. said...

G$, you need to stop ruining all my secrets. No one is supposed to know that I use a dead homeless guy as background percussion. But to be honest, the lifeless ribs make a hell of a xylophone as well.