Thursday, September 24, 2009
Now that football season has begun, let's be honest...you don't care about baseball anymore (if you did at all). It was fun while it lasted, but the sport just can't compete with the NFL. But something happened this week that should get your focus back a bit. There may be no pennant races in which any of the teams matter, but their is a heartwarming story that has come to fruition. One might call it, "the definition of a cinderella story". What is it?
The New York Yankees are heading back to the postseason. Against all odds. With the deck stacked against them. With Sergio Mitre. With Shelly Duncan back (I thought he was dead). This scrappy Yankees club ended the playoff drought in the Bronx and have clinched a spot in this year's ALDS.
Ha. Fantastic flowery writing by me right there. OK, so the Yankees are in. The Red Sox, Angels, Phils, Cards, Dodgers, Rockies, and whichever shitty team in the AL Central backs in will follow. I wanted to spend a few words today talking about my Yankees making it back into October again and then discuss potential opponents. It will be OK. Trust me.
-The MVP award will probably go to Joe Mauer because Teix Message and El Capitan will split votes. Nah, it probably won't be that close anyway but I would rather have those two on the Yankees than Mauer. Yeah, I said it. Small market pussy putting up small market inflated numbers. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Shave your fucking sideburns. This isn't 1995. Ian Ziering is cool and all but you shouldn't copy his style.
-The Yankees staff is supposed to be a concern. Other than the fact that Chad Gaudin could be starting a game 4 in the ALCS potentially, I'm not too worried. CC has been Cy Young-worthy. Pettitte was great after missing a start last week. Burnett appears to be over his mini-slump now. Joba is a fucking mess but that is the organization's fault. I'm not concerned with the starters.
-The bullpen is fantastic. Best closer. Could, if they wanted, shorten games by using Hughes in the 7th and Joba in the 8th if they want to. Girardi isn't that smart though. Because if he did this, the Yankees might not lose a game in the postseason.
-The manager scares me. Joe Girardi isn't very smart as I said above. There is a reason that he looks EXACTLY like Keerog AKA Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
-Good luck winning in our stadium. No one cares about your opinion on the dimensions, commenters. What I do care about is that our pitchers know how to pitch there and, if you don't start lefties on the hill against this sick lineup, you have no chance.
-Our manager is a moron. I am already giving away one game that he will inexplicably throw away in the postseason due to some retarded move. Just don't make it two, neanderthal. We should just have Nick Swisher be a player/manager. At least he's amusing with his craziness.
As far as the opponents go:
Detroit - They will hold on and win the worst division in the world (worse than the AFC west). Yes, they knocked the Yankees out three years ago. I don't really care. I am not 100% confident that this is a relatively easy series, but I'm pretty damn confident that the Yanks advance. The Tigers are a God awful road team who tend to go weeks in between base hits. Other than WhiteTrashlander, no one in their rotation scares me. Edwin Jackson? Child please, he wasn't even on Tampa's playoff roster last season and they gave him away to you for a dick sandwich. Your closer is fucking terrible. Jarrod Washburn has been an abortion. Rick Porcello was rocked both times he faced us this year. Mountain Dew has had success against the Yanks, but I believe that CC owns the team that will eventually kill Ernie Harwell. If the Tigers lose game one, this should be a sweep.
Anaheim - Please God, no. There is no way that the Yankees can beat them. Fortunately, the Halos have the same fear toward...
Boston - Isn't this what everyone wants to see anyway? The world would love to get a classic Yankees/Red Sox ALCS. It's been five years since we've seen it. I think that we are ready for another go'round. And this time...it's personal.
It's been nine years...I think I'm ready to be a fan of a world champion team again. God knows how long I will have to wait for the Redskins. I deserve it, too. I'm a great person and a snappy dresser.