Tuesday, September 01, 2009
We like to have fun here with the passionate, idiotic fanbase known as Buckeye fans. But I have to be fair. If there are two things that this site is known for it's fairness and rape jokes. So we're going to spend a few paragraphs previewing the 2009 Michigan Wolverines.
Now, I know very little about Michigan. I'm fine with knowing this amount. A team coming off of a 3 win season really doesn't deserve much of my attention. But many of you do follow the maize and blue and thus it would be irresponsible of me not to take shots at this awful team. Since Rich Rodriguez is hopefully done crying about his team, let's talk about said depressing program.
First things first, they are going to suck again. I don't know anything about the talent, but that schedule is a bitch. They will need to catch a ton of breaks just to get to 6 wins. There just aren't many gimme games on the slate this season. And even if a game does look like a shoe-in win, this team won THREE fucking games last season! And one of those was a squeaker against a Shane Montgomery coached abortion. 5-7 seems much more likely and would be a step in the right direction.
Richie is going to play 3 quarterbacks??? That makes about zero fucking sense. One of them is Nic Sheridan and I think he proved last year that he couldn't start at most high schools. They are all jacked up about this Forcier kid but he's a true freshman and they almost always suck. And the third kid doesn't even tie his shoes. How can you play football like that? What does that say about your team when someone like this is projected to contribute? Not much. Not much at all.
How about all of those defections! Look, I respect a coach that isn't afraid to clean fucking house when he has a bunch of pussies (Justin Boren) on his team. If they aren't dedicated, get fucked. But his big coup last year was freshman YouTube sensation, Sam McGuffie. He put his year in and left already. That's no good. Is Kevin Grady still around? You've got to love a RB who has almost 80% alcohol in his blood and then goes out joy-riding. I think he's gone though. I really don't care.
And then there is Richie himself. Sigh. Can this guy do anything right? He dresses like Andy Reid with his fat suit parkas. The WVU fanbase hates him because he wouldn't pay his buyout and he slapped them in the face eventhough they covered up all of the coeds that he knocked up in Morgantown. He "led" Michigan to their worst season in a long ass time. He lost to god damn Toledo! That school sucks so much ass that they gave Mr. Ace a diploma. And now we have the "practice" allegations which to me aren't very serious, but it's the cherry on top to this great regime.
Pretty much everything that this guy has touched over the past 18 months has turned to shit. So here is my suggestion: misery loves company. An idiot who can do nothing right should spend the rest of their days with another idiot that does nothing right. It's time for Richie to leave his disgusting, spray-on tan wife to develop a partnership with someone who is exactly like him in almost every way...
Rich Rodriguez and Sarah Palin are pretty much the same people these days and have done waaaaaaay more damage than anyone could possibly imagine. She likes to shoot bears and shit and he likes to shoot the hopes and dreams of Michigan fans nationwide. This is a match made in pop culture Hell. What a great comparison, G$.
Thoughts on the Wolverines (likely not positive, I assume), leave them in the comments. Best Michigan preview ever? Best Michigan preview ever.