Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Bills Are Terrible

Judas Priest, does any team choke on bigger testicles on Monday Night Football than the Bills? Holy shit. Linda Lovelace thought that that was a huge choke. Obscure 70's porn actress references is what makes this blog tick.

Oh well, the Brady 4th quarter magic helped my G$FL team, Big 'Uns, defeat hated commenter Dut. Because he sucks, you see and I am much better. Sonofabitch, I forgot that Fatso and the Fag were announcing the second game. Shit. And Mormon twatberry Steve Young is there, too? I should check and see if Dick Jauron can come over and strangle me. Either him or Jim Kelly, but I definitely want a professional choker to do the deed.

Insert tasteless joke about Jim Kelly's son. I'll get the ball rolling:

How do you make a dead baby float?
A can of root beer and two scoops of Jim Kelly's son.

I have serious problems. I'm not a very good human being.


Anonymous said...

I watched that game with a house full of die-hard Bills fans. After the Bills scored their final touchdown I was outside taking a piss and one of them asked me, "What do you think?". You ask a question like that with a lead like that with that much time left...then you know I'm thinking what you are thinking. You can't mask it. Teams like the Bills, Browns, Lions, Bengals, Raiders, etc....we find ways to lose in horrible manners. It's very rare to see a good or even mediocre team lose like the Bengals and Bills lost this week...but, bad teams find ways to lose bad ways.

That loss falls squarely on Leodis McKelvin's shoulders.

If I was a Pats fan, that new Pats D would scare the shit out of me. They looked horrible....made Fred Jackson look like the second best running back in the league....not to take away anything from his effort.


Daniel said...

The Bills found a new way to choke a game away. Fuck Leodis McKelvin!!!!! Fuck all you clowns texting me last night as well. I guess it's better to get blown out by the Vikings at home than hang with one of the NFL's elite teams on the road. Despite the loss, I'm very encouraged for the season. Trent had good command of the no-huddle offense. The youngsters on the oline played exceptional, our LT needs to figure out how to fucking line up though.

As with every new Bills season, the only thing I have is hope. I think we could still be a wildcard team with the way we looked yesterday.

GMoney said...

Dan, nice try and I love the positive attitude, but that team sucks.

Drew, I didn't know what was worse for the Pats: their defense or their offensive line. They have some major problems and Shawn fucking Springs is not the answer.

By the way, I stayed up for the entire fucking Raiders game...ugh. What are the qualifications needed to become a Raiders fan? I would assume "trunk full of dead bodies" is near the top.

Daniel said...

GMoney: How do you find optimism in a season when the punter is the leading scorer on your team?

Mr. Ace said...

Daniel, I hope that reference to text messages doesn't include me. I was texted you singing the Bills praise to begin with...but then about five minutes later they had already lost the lead. I'm sorry, Daniel. But not really.

I'm not quite sure what to make of the Pats now.

GMoney said...

Our punter AND Chris Cooley!!! Your leading scorer is Aaron Schobel!

Upstate Underdog said...

Linda Lovelace is not an obscure 70's porn reference. She is a fucking legend.

Also, as a Bills fan I'm still sick to my stomach over last nights game.

Also, G$. Rian Lindell is also one of Buffalo leading scorers.

Tony B. said...

Raiders fans qualifications:

- Irrational love of Al Davis
- Black and Silver face paint
- Be willing to beat up anyone wearing opposing team's jersey at the Oakland Coliseum (this includes cripples in wheelchairs and retarded people.)
- Wildly high expectations
- Must be on probation for a felony (murder is preferable)

GMoney said...

Makes sense, Tony. I could not believe how insane that stadium was last night. There had to have been at least 50 murders.

Tony B. said...

I refuse to go to games there. Raiders fans live up to their stereotype- it's no joke. I got stuff thrown at me by violent Raiders fans when I decided to leave the already decided AFC Championship game in 2000 (vs. the Ravens) with 4 minutes left in the 4th quarter. I was wearing black and posing as a Raiders fan, but they were too drunk and yelling, "It's not over! Why are you leaving assholes!?"

Niners games just consist of a shitty, run down stadium and just make sure that you carve out an extra three hours to get out of SF if you stay until the end of the game.

Two teams in NorCal and neither have it right.