Thursday, August 13, 2009

Rick Pitino Rules


I'm going to call this now. For awhile, the leader in the clubhouse was the ShamWow guy getting into a bloody brawl with a hooker but this passes that. The Rick Pitino/Karen Sypher story is, right now, the funniest story of the year.

When I go to check my e-mail and the headline reads:

"Agent: Pitino's $3,000 Not For Abortion"

How can you not laugh at that! That is hilarious. Everything about this story is fantastic. But I would like some questions answered. Now, I don't know much about abortions other than I enjoy making jokes about it, but I never knew that they cost so much. How do high school kids and ghetto trash afford these things? People in Louisville love Pitino yet also thump their bibles. Which do they put first: basketball or the pro-life preachings of the good book?

Am I missing something though? Tell me that this isn't the most bizarre and awesome saga of 2009. Wait a minute. After covening with the Hottest Bartender in Columbus, we have determined that while this is funny, it does not stack up to the "Roberto Alomar has AIDS" story. Let that be a lesson to you young and dirty joke writers out there; AIDS is funnier than abortions.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's definitely an awesome story.

Abortions only cost like $600 or something like that. He probably threw her the extra cash for a weekend of mud baths and massages to make her feel better.

--Drew

J Beanie said...

Pitino's story is much funnier than Robbie Alomar's. Not even close. Robbie has AIDs. That's funny but that's the end of the story. Pitino had sex with some gross women in a restaurant bathroom, paid her off, paid for an abortion, then had sex with her again in the same restaurant bathroom. That's just awesome. It's like their romantic get-a-way. What I want to know is what kind of restaurant is it? Is it a classy steak house or is it waffle house type dump? And what bathroom did they do it? The men's or the women's? Did anyone see/hear them? Everyone knows who Pitino is so they had to recognize him. They probably stared at him and watch him go in to the bathroom with that tramp. This story has so much to it. Much better than a simple "he has AIDs" story. I can't wait to more details come out of this because it would make a great movie/book/porno.

Anonymous said...

Get the story right assholes before you open your mouths. He had sex with her after hours at the restaurant (a high class restaurant) so people arent obviously going to be watching, saying there goes rick pitino, ill bet hes going to have sex with that ugly bitch. (nice try beanie) And the $3K supposedly wasnt JUST for the abortion becuse drew is right, i think they only cost around $400-$600, but it was becuase she did not have any medical insurance. Funny story yes, but sucks becuase i love Pitino. I may like him even more now actually... we both have had sex in a restaurant (mine was on a golden tee machine though - top that pitino!!!)

SEAL

GMoney said...

Are abortions covered by insurance plans?

Beanie, you make some great points but I'm still sticking with the guy with AIDS.

Dustin said...

3000$? Ill sell you a wire hanger for $5!

GMoney said...

$5 for a wire hanger seems a bit much. I'll give you one for free as long as I can watch.

J Beanie said...

Thank you Seal. I wasn't trying to be a jackass. I really didn't know the details. I wanted to know them and you filled in the holes in the story just like Pitino filled her holes. But you are right, no way is his story better than your Golden Tee story. But if he was banging her after hours, why did they do it in the bathroom? I would have done it in a booth, on a table, in the kitchen, any where but the bathroom.

Tony B. said...

Money Shot Abortion Wire- Free While Supplies Last. Would've been perfect for Billy Mays to promote.

GMoney said...

My Abortion Wire is the bastard son of Billy's Awesome Auger!

Grumpy said...

He did her on a table after the restaurant closed. With so many sources for info out there, don't any of you dickheads read?