Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It's that time of year again when the douchiest of douchers come out of hibernation and start annoying us sane people with their incoherent ramblings. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about you, Ohio State football fans. Since all of you are already telling me about how great you will be, how about we take a closer look at your team. The team that will likely not live up to your expecations.
Now we all know and hate these insufferable tampons (Drew, Damman, Li'l Strut, etc.) and I've been hearing nothing but horseshit spewing from their male anus magnets that they call mouths for a month now. But before I jump on board and start believing in the red and gray (it's fucking red, you fags), how about answering a few questions for me? It won't make me a believer, per se, because I can already see the future and it's looking 10-3 to me. But maybe it will help you taper your own expectations a bit. Doubtful. Here we go:
Your d-line should be pretty good and the secondary is top notch, but those linebackers should worry you a bit, no? There seems to be very little experience there and one of the starters already faked a broken skull or something just so he wouldn't have to wear that God awful uniform this year. So why are you jacked about the LB's anyway? They seem highly questionable.
It's been awhile since you've beaten a team that you weren't significantly more talented than. Hell, the three teams that you lost to last year had better or equal talent and two of those teams are back on the schedule this season. Why should I believe that Jim Tressel and his gorgeous family have figured shit out? You guys are like the playground bully. The Buckeyes have no problem stealing lunch money from the retards but when the retard's brother shows up, you piss your pants. Great analogy, G$.
Why the fuck is Ray Small still on this team? He can't even make grades now and apparently he is getting his grade changed to be eligible. This reeks of academic fraud, by the way. Small sucks ass. Why hasn't he just been sent home already?
And speaking of unproven wide receivers, who in the hell is going to be catching balls this year? I mean, it's not like Tressel will be throwing the ball more than 6 times this season, but who is going to haul them in? Parker Posey? Dane Weinerschnitzel? Bobby Olive? David Boston on roofies?
Now we get to Mr. Dickbag himself, Terrelle Pryor. EVERYONE is telling me how big and fast he is and that's fine and all that. But I've read that he still has the same awful throwing motion and he threw the ball like a young Tarvaris Jackson last year (definitely not a compliment). Sure, he's fast and incredibly athletic. I get it. He's talented. But he's going to have to throw the ball this year and he's going to have to throw it well. I guess that this isn't really a question about Pryor as much as it is me saying, "I'll believe it when I see it each and every week". Hating Dut is one thing, being a competent, winning QB is another. Remember, it took Vince Young three full years to be a dominant force.
So let me have it, OSU fans. And if you hate Ohio State like you should, feel free to throw some gas on this fire. GO NAVY!!!