Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Deconstructing The Buckeyes


It's that time of year again when the douchiest of douchers come out of hibernation and start annoying us sane people with their incoherent ramblings. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about you, Ohio State football fans. Since all of you are already telling me about how great you will be, how about we take a closer look at your team. The team that will likely not live up to your expecations.

Now we all know and hate these insufferable tampons (Drew, Damman, Li'l Strut, etc.) and I've been hearing nothing but horseshit spewing from their male anus magnets that they call mouths for a month now. But before I jump on board and start believing in the red and gray (it's fucking red, you fags), how about answering a few questions for me? It won't make me a believer, per se, because I can already see the future and it's looking 10-3 to me. But maybe it will help you taper your own expectations a bit. Doubtful. Here we go:

Your d-line should be pretty good and the secondary is top notch, but those linebackers should worry you a bit, no? There seems to be very little experience there and one of the starters already faked a broken skull or something just so he wouldn't have to wear that God awful uniform this year. So why are you jacked about the LB's anyway? They seem highly questionable.

It's been awhile since you've beaten a team that you weren't significantly more talented than. Hell, the three teams that you lost to last year had better or equal talent and two of those teams are back on the schedule this season. Why should I believe that Jim Tressel and his gorgeous family have figured shit out? You guys are like the playground bully. The Buckeyes have no problem stealing lunch money from the retards but when the retard's brother shows up, you piss your pants. Great analogy, G$.

Why the fuck is Ray Small still on this team? He can't even make grades now and apparently he is getting his grade changed to be eligible. This reeks of academic fraud, by the way. Small sucks ass. Why hasn't he just been sent home already?

And speaking of unproven wide receivers, who in the hell is going to be catching balls this year? I mean, it's not like Tressel will be throwing the ball more than 6 times this season, but who is going to haul them in? Parker Posey? Dane Weinerschnitzel? Bobby Olive? David Boston on roofies?

Now we get to Mr. Dickbag himself, Terrelle Pryor. EVERYONE is telling me how big and fast he is and that's fine and all that. But I've read that he still has the same awful throwing motion and he threw the ball like a young Tarvaris Jackson last year (definitely not a compliment). Sure, he's fast and incredibly athletic. I get it. He's talented. But he's going to have to throw the ball this year and he's going to have to throw it well. I guess that this isn't really a question about Pryor as much as it is me saying, "I'll believe it when I see it each and every week". Hating Dut is one thing, being a competent, winning QB is another. Remember, it took Vince Young three full years to be a dominant force.

So let me have it, OSU fans. And if you hate Ohio State like you should, feel free to throw some gas on this fire. GO NAVY!!!

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, there are a lot of question marks going into the season. No question they are going to have to have some unproven young kids step up, but when you have top 10 recruiting classes every year that's not a problem.

I'm really excited to see the young wide recievers and the line backers will be fine. When was the last time OSU didn't have at least one stud linebacker?

I'd like to know where you've read that TP is still an awful thrower. Everywhere I've read says he is much improved. I think you need to stop watching Skip Bayless.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

That was a great analogy. Guess the honeymoon didn't turn your brain to complete mush.

Anonymous said...

Where should I begin?

Probably where you label our secondary "top notch". Is that the same secondary that has Anderson Russell starting and not a clear second DB yet? Thought so...so, you don't even know what you are talking about.

The DL is going to be the best DL since the 2002 National Championship team.

Call the LB's unproven fine...but it's arguably the deepest position on the team. I'm really looking forward to the speed that Brian Rolle will bring. Spitler should be hurting people as well.

Who will be catching the balls? Devier "5-Star" Posey, Cris Carter's son Duron who by all accounts has absolutely torn it up this summer and a host of other fast black players like Flash Thomas. I'm with you on Small...don't give a damn if he's on the team or not..the only worth he has shown is the ability to be a complete moron and the occasional good kick return.

I'm also very bullish on the OL and Boom Herron.

But, where have you been reading this crap on Pryor (aka...LeBron In Cleats)? Everybody that attended practice yesterday said his throwing motion looked much improved and Tressel even thought he looked awesome. He's a freak of nature. I bet Taylor Mayes is already having nightmares about the stiff arm he will receive from him.

We will all see on September 12th when USC brings in a rook QB, how this Buckeye team will stack up this year. I'm actually not as worried about PSU as I was last year...put me in Spielman's camp that they lost way too much and are very overrated.

I really don't have a prediction on this team. I think both lines will be much better than any OSU team over the last 4 or 5 years, but there are question marks with the new guys at WR and DB. September 12th will show a lot.

--Drew

GMoney said...

But your safeties, Coleman and that terrorist guy, are both studs.

I heard The Common Man and The Torg say during the Spring that he still has the same awkward delivery.

"but when you have top 10 recruiting classes every year that's not a problem."--Tell that to Charlie Weis

Anonymous said...

Jim Tressel > Charlie Weiss

I am pretty sure Ohio St. has had a bit more success than Notre Dame the last 5 years or so. And by a little, I mean a lot.

Anonymous said...

If I didn't feel like such a fag for using the term "LOL", I could think of no better time to use it then you basing your opinion on Terrelle Pryor's progress on what the fucking Common Man and Torg (both douchebags) said about him in the Spring.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Watch it, Drew. No one insults those two.

Anonymous that can't spell Weis right, thank you for pointing out the obvious.

Nate B. said...

On the linebackers -

Cameron Heyward (JR) 25+ starts
Doug Worthington (SR) 15+ starts
Dex Larimore (SR) 15+ starts
Todd Denlinger (SR) 10+ starts
Thad Gibson (SR) 15+ starts
Lawrence Wilson (SR) 15+ starts

No, those aren't linebackers. That's our defensive line and the experience they bring. Heyward & Gibson will be at the least, 1st team Big Ten, if not AA. When you've got that much talent up front, you don't need credentials at linebacker.

Fortunately, we have returning starter Ross Homan (SR), experienced Austin Spitler (SR), experienced Brian Rolle (JR) and Etienne Sabino (SO) challenging for the Mike spot. Nobody here is recognizable at the national level, but they are experienced enough to benefit from the defensive line slowing down the runs up the middle, or forcing the backs to turn it outside for TFL's.

Our defense should not be a concern.

I disagree with Drew - our offensive line will not be a strong point in 2009. We've got a lot of youth that will find a way to "get in the way" of the rush, but TP will be using his legs a lot this year, and improving. Fortunately, that's the way he prefers it. We'll be running plenty of Pistol this year to keep opposing defenses at bay.

On the receivers - we did just fine with the passing game in 2007 with unproven Robiskie and Hartline replacing Ginn & Gonzalez. Reload. Posey & Sanzenbacher will do just fine as the X and Z receivers and give Terrelle open looks when on the run.

G$ - I'm thinking, you're thinking our 3 losses are USC / PSU / bowl game.

I'll tell you this - no way.

If we lose to both USC and PSU, we get a BCS invite to an at-large bowl against an inferior opponent. Last year, paired up against the best team in college football, we were one play away from winning that game. With better chemistry on offense and most of the defense returning, we are simply a better team than 2008. I can see two losses by us dropping one between USC and PSU, and losing a bowl game in an automatic tie-in (whether that be in Pasadena, or the BCS title game), but I don't see 3 losses this year. I'm willing to put money down on 2 losses or less this year.

Dustin said...

The common man and the torg may be the greatest radio show of all time.

I don't think I can add much more than what's already been said. I think its obvious that we have a shitload of talent, but it just depends on how quickly they mature.

No mention of porcello tossing youkillis??? The redsox are my new least favorite team... At least while the Indians are irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

Nate B...The OL is addition by subtraction. Boone and Rehring were pathetic fat pieces of alcoholic shit. They are gone now.

Brewster will be an All-American as early as next year. Cordle is extremely good and everyone on the team raves about what Boren is bringing. It will be Browning's second year as a starter and Adams has all the talent in the world if he can put it together. The OL will be much better this year.

Dustin...I'll talk about Porcello with you. It was a great hip toss by a 20 year old on Youk...and fucking throwing your helmet at him as you rush the mound is extremely gay.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Nobody is gayer than Kevin Youkilis and I almost cried because I was laughing so hard at his tough guy routine last night. The pitcher was even being a pussy and running away and he STILL got slammed.

I was hoping that that there would be a bit more of a give and take today. Where the hell are all the Buckeye haters at? Are they all getting a Rick Pitino paid for abortion?

Anonymous said...

Nothing brings out the long-winded and pointless ramblings in the comments better than when Buckeye fans get to talk about their OVERRATED team. G$, I like the retard analysis...it's right on point.

-GSaul

MUDawgfan said...

10-3 eh? That means they lose to Southern Cal, Penn State and whatever better coached Big 12 or SEC team they play in January.

Nate B. said...

Let's be fair here. OSU has taken heat for three straight BCS Bowl losses.

In only one of those games was OSU a favorite. It's unfortunate they were a heavy favorite against UF, and were heavily destroyed.

LSU was a much better team - about 21 points better. The fact OSU kept the margin closer than that doesn't deserve credence, but does deserve better perspective than to call out the coaching.

Texas was a heavy favorite and was on the ropes for the majority of the second half. I don't see how OSU was out-coached in that game.

I will find it humorous if anybody giving credit to the retard analogy turns out to be a supporter of a "retarded" team.

GMoney said...

Nate, you haven't beaten a team that you weren't better than or equal to in a long ass time. It's not just the BCS games although those games have been delightful.

MUDawg, yep.

Dustin said...

Gsaul- I would rather be OVERRATED than NOT RATED. May you and Michigan crash and burn again this season.

Anonymous said...

Right on Dustin.

GSaul, so does Michigan attain the status of biggest retard of them all?

I love it when Michigan fans talk smack when they wouldn't beat the Henry County Cougars right now.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

I would say the entire Big Ten has probably attained "retard" status, and Michigan was Helen Keller last year. There you go, I bashed Michigan.

But the difference between other team's fans and OSU fans is that an OSU fan can never admit when his team sucks or is overrated...every year we have to hear about them going 13-0 and national championship ramblings. This OSU team this year is not even top 10.

-GSaul

GMoney said...

I'm going to stand up and give GSaul a slow clap now.

Rational thought! What a novel idea!

Anonymous said...

Ohio State is finally seeing a string of top 5 recruiting classes come to fruition this year. Yes, they lost a lot of experience, but they are far more athletic and faster this year than last.

At WR, we have one of the fastest recieving corps in the country. Most of these guys were track stars in high school and for the first time since Ted Ginn, we have a legitimate shot at stretching the field. These were legit times clocked this summer:
Devier Posey, 6'3 205, 4.4 forty
Flash Thomas, 5'11 185, 4.37
Ray Small*, 5'10 180, 4.4
*provided he plays

Our DL's experience has already been touched upon, so all I have to say is Thaddeus Gibson is going to be a fucking monster.

At LB, although we lost a lot of talent, we are far more athletic this year than last. Even USC's coaches acknowledged this. Again, the name of the game is speed. Homan is back, Spitler, by all accounts has All-Big 10 talent, but was forced to backup 3 time AA Laurinaitis the past few years (overrated), and Brian Rolle is an absolute ballhawk who may be the quickest LB on the team and has been for the past few years. Not to mention, Ettiene Sabino, who is the most well rounded LB in that he can play both the pass and the run. LB will be fine.

Our Safeties will be solid. Mix in Jermale Hines who is the best nickel back in the Big 10 and would be a starting safety on any other Big 10 team. My concern is 1 of the CB spots. We have a 5th year Sr. who is the favorite to win the spot and behind him is a lot of talent and speed, but we will have to wait and see on that.

Lastly, Terrelle "The Truth" Pryor. I would argue that a QB's throwing motion is not as important as his footwork, and TP has been working on his footwork since January. Not to mention, he is a natural born leader. TP is going to have a monster season this year that will rival those of Vince Young's latter years. His 4.33 speed will give defenses fits and his throwing will be much improved.

Best Case: 12-0 Regular Season
Worst Case: 9-3 Regular Season
Prediction: 11-1 Regular Season

-Lil' Strut

Nate B said...

G-Saul,

$100 says OSU will finish top 10 as of the end of the season.

And no, not every OSU fan claims 13-0 every season. I don't think one OSU fan on this board is guaranteeing a championship season. I don't think guaranteeing a 1 or 2 loss season is out of the question.

Dustin said...

G$- I'm still looking for the rational thought behind gsauls statements. He said osu is overrated without any evidence to back it up. Can you help me find the rational thought!?

Anonymous said...

Dut, the evidence is on the field the last six seasons, but I know OSU fans do not believe in evidence.

So keep living in the past, wear around your 2002 national championship sweatshirts, and keep dreaming.

-GSaul

Mr. Ace said...

TP can't pass for fucking dick. We all saw it last year. During the spring everybody said that TP hadn't shown much improvement on his throwing. Now all of the sudden he is Vince fucking Young? Bullshit. And he didn't run a 4.3 forty you queers so don't even bring that up. When the season starts and he gets into the game he will revert back to his instincts of poor mechanics. Fuck the fuckeyes.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait till these fuck's stop talking so much shit. No one respects Iowa, they will be the other team to come into Columbus and knock down OSU.

As for TP, we will see what happens when defenses keep him in the pocket. He is a great passer on the run, but no so good in the pocket.

Then all you fucks are talking about people I have never heard being Jesus Christ himself. For a lot of kids that have never played, you guys are sure giving them all american votes already. I heard this same shit about Justin Zwick. What an all star he became!

Thank God it will only be a about a month, to where the retards of OSU will come up with a lame excuss to why they lose a game. The ref called it wrong or TP pussy hurt that game. Enjoy assholes.

Naptown Wolverine

J Beanie said...

God. I haven't been able to get to the site in a few days and this is what I come back to? A great post followed by the same stupid Buckeye fan talk. There's a better chance of Michigan winning the National Championship this year than an OSU fan giving a realistic comment about the team.

And how about my boy Rick Pinito. Fucking awesome.

Dustin said...

So gsaul says to quit living in the past, yet his reasoning for osu being overrated THIS year is "the last 6 years" (stopping at 6 years was awful convenient). Would you please stop contradicting yourself? This reminds me of you calling osu overrated, yet you put them in the top 5 of YOUR OWN RANKING. Idiots.

Ace- I see you're having problems getting over TP choosing osu over richrod.

Dustin said...

Lil strut- how dare you think Ohio states young players are going to be good. Naptown wolverine has never heard of them. Unless naptown wolverine has heard of them, they fucking suck.

Anonymous said...

HA, Don't bring up the overrated fiasco again or G$ will delete your posts.

Dut,
You're right, I should have consulted Naptown Wolverine before I commented on a 100 Meter state track champion, a reciever who was ranked #4 in the nation, a LB who was ranked #2 in the nation, etc...

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Beanie is right. This is a great post by me.

Anonymous said...

I heard that Brian Peppers is going to be a stud at linebacker for OSU. Even though no one has seen him play yet!

Naptown Wolverine

Anonymous said...

Stop the arguing people...Florida will win the championship once again, as well as Tebow winning the Heisman...he can connect 4 in 3 moves..

Nate B. said...

When I look at Toledo's 3-9 record from 2008, I still can't believe Michigan falls in that "3" total.

GMoney said...

When I look back at Miami's 2-10 season, I can't believe that Michigan fell in our 10 category.

Nate B. said...

G$ -

At least you're non-discriminatory in your insults.

Anonymous said...

Don't take the insults personally fellow Buckeye fans. When you are annually a top 5 or top 10 program, the haters will come from everywhere trying to bring you down. Pure jealousy. Take it as a compliment. When you're one of the best, people are always going to take shots at you.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

"TP can't pass for fucking dick"...you're right Mr. Ace...I think he passes for a guy who fucks a ton of pussy...you on the other hand pass for a guy who plays a ton of tummy sticks in his free time.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Wasn't the little animal only a 3 star out of high school? Those rankings don't mean dick when it comes to playing college football.

Mr. Ace said...

FAGS! That ends it.