Thursday, August 13, 2009

Affirmative Action Fail

Look, I'm all for helping minorities out in the work force. As long as they are qualified, they should have just as much of a chance at a position as the always awesome white guy. The Rooney Rule is a great rule and has done wonders to promote African Americans up the food chain in the NFL. But at what point is it counter-productive? At what point are we just shoving minorities into roles just because we have to?

Of course, I am speaking about ESPN's baseball coverage and the fact that, once again, they have no clue what they are doing. From my count, they employ three Mexican on-camera baseball analysts (I'm too lazy to look up where each is from. They are from south of the US so I'm just going to refer to them as Mexicans. Deal with it. Now go get me a cheesy double beef burrito). Not one of them has a fucking clue nor can they speak coherently. This has been bothering me for awhile now. Let's attack them one at a time:

Eduardo Perez - This mountain of shit takes 5 minutes to say what a deaf mute could say in 5 seconds. He is still trying to finish a sentence that he started last April. The dipshit can't speak! I was watching Sportscenter the other week and the anchor started his story by saying, "ESPN's Eduardo Perez is reporting..." and I immediately changed the channel.

Orestes Destrade - He suffers from the same stigma as Perez but with different outcomes. Instead of taking forever to finish a thought, Orestes tries to jam 5 sentences into one without stopping for a breath. And he twitches more than Jose fucking Canseco. I always get a kick out of listening to ESPN Radio and that awful show with Seibel and Destrade is on and he tries to talk about football or hoops. He's a fucking moron! On Fridays, ESPN likes to have Perez and Destrade on the same panel...FAIL!

Fernando Vina - Wasn't this guy on the Mitchell Report? Didn't he finish third runner-up in the Chavo Guerrero lookalike contest last year? Was he the one that Albert Belle destroyed on the base path? I hate everything about this man. Everything. His lack of a neck. His faggy facial hair. His spiked bangs. This man is objectionable on every level possible.

I guess I will end with a short letter to the mediocre people at ESPN:

Dear ESPN:
I never thought that you could hire people worse than Steve Phillips and Joe Morgan. But when it came to the Latino hirings, you fucking failed miserably. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a racist. Chris Singleton is outstanding and I like Dave Winfield. But I beg you to please show these three fucking assholes back across the Rio Grande and get them out of my life for good.
Eat shit,

PS: Feel free to kill Steve Phillips.


Upstate Underdog said...

Seriously, just get MLB network and rid yourself of ESPN baseball coverage forever.

Anonymous said...

Although he is not Mexican, Eric Young's voice is like finger nails on a chalkboard.

Albert Belle laying out Vina is one of the greatest baseball highlights of all time.


Mr. Ace said...

I can't wait until they hire Ozzie Guillen.

Dustin said...

They will hire Jim leyland before they hire ozzie.

GMoney said...

Dut, I assume that ESPN is a smoke-free facility.

Ace, if they hired Ozzie, they would also need to hire 40 censors.

Will no one give me love on the Chavo reference???

Mr. Ace said...

Fuck Chavo, what about Eddie?

Tony B. said...

If you're not cheating, you're not trying.

Anonymous said...

As a Reds fan, I cant stand Fernando Vina and his days with the Cardinals. I would assume your former redheaded roomate would concur on that. He was one of Tony Larussa's boys and that alone his enough to hate him.

I cant believe they hired those three tools and got rid of Rob Dibble. Now there was a guy I could relate to.