1. Swimming. Swimmers are just some weird fuckers. If you're a swimmer, I'm sorry. Not sorry for saying you're a weird fucker, but sorry for you. I have never felt more out of place then I did at that swim meet. These people were literally getting boners about how fast little Timmy swam 200 meters. Every time the kids head would come above the water the people cheering for him would scream "GO!" Listen fucktards, don't you think the kid knows to "go." That's what the fuck he is out there for. You don't need to remind him every four seconds. If you really want to help the kid out buy him some shoulder pads and send him to football practice...fucking freaks.
2. Tennis. Where do I even start? Every once in a while I will go out and play some tennis, only because Mrs. Ace claims she was once a young prodigy and I feel the need to bring her back to reality. There is nothing wrong with a little tennis, but just a little. Sure, it just starts as tennis, but next thing you know your son is dressing like a figure skater and wearing capri pants. Then you throw in the grunting, and it is all time gay.
3. Wrestling. Have you ever heard of Ringworm? I don't know exactly how it happens, but wrestlers get all sweaty while humping each other into submission and then the wrestling mats don't get cleaned. So then the next group of wrestlers hump each other all over the last groups sweat and they get ringworm. Then the ringworm travels throughout your body and grows into a 40 foot tapeworm. Then after two weeks you have to take a piss really bad and -Boom- you have a giant tapeworm making its way out of your urethra. Stay off the mats kids, your penis will thank you. Singlets are for fags.
4. Cross Country. My son will not run for fun. Also, let me make a distinction between CC and Track & Field. Track is okay as long as the distance is less than 400 meters. Anything that falls into the Field category is gay, but doesn't require running 500 miles so it is not nearly as gay as CC. Usain Bolt is fucking awesome. 100 lb. Nigerian's who run 50 miles a day are lame.
5. Baseball. There is no mainstream sport that I hate more than baseball. It bores me out of my fucking mind. Tee ball is fucking pointless. When kids get base hits just by knocking over the tee something is fucking wrong. Little League is just as pointless. Little Jimmy has a beard as a nine year old and hits a home run every at bat and never gives up a hit. Then, when little Jimmy is 17, he is still 5'6" but instead of knocking balls out of the park he is knocking up liquor stores for Cobra. Does anybody even like baseball anymore? The sport is dying and my son will have no part of it. Little Ace will be a sychronized swimmer before he plays baseball...that's what Dustin did as a pre-teen and he turned out just fine. Plus, I believe it is the easiest sport for pedophiles to infiltrate. G Money is an umpire for fuck's sake! How disturbing is that? You wouldn't want your kid withing three miles of him, let alone three feet.
Leave your hate in the comments, please. Or let us all know what your cockboy of a son will participate in.