Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Dealing With Celebrity Death

OK, today we're going to touch on the subject of celebrity (athletes, in particular) death. It's not the easiest subject to delve into but we do it here nonetheless. Why? Because who can address this topic with less class and dignity than your old buddy, G$?

Obviously, there has been an inordinant amount of famous deaths over the past week or two. Most recently, we've seen what happened to Steve McNair in his Nashville apartment. He was involved with this 20 year old Iranian mistress who ended his life in some sort of bizarre murder-suicide. They haven't officially called it this yet, but come on. It's right freaking there. She bought a damn gun on Thursday, pumps 4 rounds into Air McNair, and for some reason the cops can't put this all together yet.

So now we have everyone who has ever seen Steve McNair talk about how great he is. And that's fine. I'm not callous enough to think that he was not a decent person, but obviously he had his vices. We should reflect on his performance in the Super Bowl against the Rams. Or his brief revival with the Ravens. Or the fact that he never, EVER threw a spiral. Not once. Look at the tapes. Every single one of his passes was a wounded duck. He was Eli Manning before Eli Manning! All of these things are perfectly acceptable for discussion and tribute.

But don't you fucking dare talk about how great of a man he was. McNair was cheating on his wife (who gave him 4 children) with this batshit insane slut and because of that, he is no longer with us. From what we have all seen and heard, if he keeps his dick in his pants, he ain't fucking dead today. That is on him. Believe me, I've been in this role before with Sean Taylor. I defended him like none other and still can not stand it when people rip on the man, but I get where it comes from. Whether he was innocent at the time of his demise, you can't just ignore the past. And that is the real rub about all of this. No matter how honorable or favorite athletes and celebrities are, they ALL have skeletons in the closet. Charles Barkley is right...these guys shouldn't be role models at all.

*Cal Ripken apparently caught Kevin Costner fucking his wife and asked the Orioles to cancel the game that day.
*Ryne Sandberg had Raffy Palmeiro traded off of the Cubs after rumors sprouted that Palmeiro banged his wife.
*Kobe Bryant raped a chick.
*Tom Brady dumped his pregnant girlfriend for a supermodel.
*Derek Jeter is rumored to have herpes.
*The Vikings had a fucking sex boat!
*Brett Favre fucks goats and then makes them ge abortions.

Athletes are not who we think they are. It shouldn't surprise you that Geovany Soto smokes weed in the offseason even when he knows that he can't do that. Or that Shawne Merriman takes steroids. Or that Philip Rivers has his own functioning plantation chock full o' slaves.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: we all need to start rooting for the uniforms and not the people that wear them. Because some time and at some point in all of their lives, they have been sacks of shit. And eventually it will all come up and the people that it truly hurts is the fans that support that guy. I have two of these man-crushes left and it's for LeBron and Mariano Rivera. But if the King decides to leave next year or something ends up coming out on him that is less than flattering, then I will end it. No more man-crushes for this blogger. And If Mo keeps blowing saves to the Red Sox, I'll shit on him as well.

This is sad. Death is always sad. But we have to take these guys off of their pedestals and treat them, even posthumously, in a normal and sane manner. Oh, and gentlemen, let this be a lesson to you...always think with your head and not your dick. And never fuck an Iranian whore.


Anonymous said...

90% of athletes are scum bags so nobody should be surprised when stuff like this comes out.

Way off topic here, but they are doing an 80's tribute on Mike and Mike and they did sort of a top five of NFL football in the 80's. Number 1 was the Jets going 73-77 during the decade. Out of the whole decade, that was number 1. Are you fucking kidding me? How about when Clay Matthews stuck it up Ken O'Brien's ass in the playoffs? God, I hate that show and Mike Greenberg.


GMoney said...

Even more off topic, but congratulations and "I told you so" to Mr. Ace who got engaged last night. Going to Wrigley Field will make a man do dumb things but this may be the dumbest.

Anonymous said...

On your stories...

*Ripken is a pussy.

*SandberG is a pussy.

*Kobe did NOT rape that chick. Cheat on his wife? Yes. But, he didn't rape that chick.

*I don't give a fuck about what Brady did. I'd dump my pregger girlfriend for a supermodel too.

*Jeter has herpes? So what.

*Vikings sex boat is nothing comparable to the mid-90's Dallas Cowboys (I'm reading the book right now).

*Favre crosses the line. I don't support goat fucking.


Dustin said...

Damn all my friends are pulling the trigger way too early! I should start a pool for the first to get divorced or murder their wife. Any takers?

GMoney said...

Man-crush is hopefully back on!!!

Trevor (Ariza) asked LeBron if he would be in Cleveland after next season," the source said. "And LeBron said, 'I'll be there. Of course, I'll be there.'"

Dut, if the pool is for first wife to murder your friend, take me!

Mr. Ace said...

Well said G$.

Thanks for the congrats. The only reason I proposed is because the Cubs won. Mrs. Ace is a Braves fan and she was distraught after the loss. Just another reason to hate the fucking Cubs. I almost baught an Ozzie Guillen mows my lawn T shirt.

Dut, I don't know what to tell you. Your friends don't date young boys like you, or uncle tim. But you stay strong. Don't take the plunge no matter what.

John said...

I agree with everything but this statement, "Death is always sad."

Depending on who dies, death can be pretty awesome especially if the person that died was a child molester.

GMoney said...

John, you mean like Michael Jackson. You're right, that was funny. What was sad is that assholes in this country ignore the rape.

Upstate Underdog said...

I agree with John. Also I'm assuming G$ will take the rest of the day off to watch the Michael Jackson memorial service today.

Anonymous said...

G$....Who gives a fuck what LeBron told Trevor Fuckin' Ariza. He could tell him whatever he wants..worse case scenario he ends up lying to Trevor Ariza. If he was positive he was giong to stay in Cleveland he would have already agreed to an extension...then they wouldn't have struck out with all these guys...cuz' nobody is sure he is coming back. You are an imbecile.


Mr. Ace said...

How desperate is Lebron? Just shows you how much confidence he has in the current roster.

Tony B. said...

LeBron James is a lot of things, but desperate is not one of them. If you were a college football coach, you'd tell kids anything to recruit them to your school and improve the team. Anyone would be retarded not to try to improve their own team.

Mr. Ace said...

I don't think I've ever heard any other star trying to convince a role player, a very good role player, to come play for his team by saying he was going to stay with said team. He is desperate, make no mistake.

Anonymous said...

Pistons just hired the Cavs "offensive coordinator" as head coach.


GMoney said...

I wish Kuester well but you could have done much better. You all saw his offense in the playoffs.

Nate said...

Whatever happened to Michael Jackson, wide receiver of the Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens? I remember him being the shit on Tecmo Bowl. How about a blog tribute to that guy, amidst all this crap coverage about some pedophile?