Monday, July 27, 2009

Another Pep Talk From The Tea Bagging Bandit


Do you guys like Oreo's? I know I do. That's why my fucktard brother and I did the whole DSRL thing, free fucking Oreo's for life. Seriously though, did you see me lick those things. I'm the fucking champ of Oreo licking. Nobody can come close to me, not even one of those Williams' bitches. I love Oreo's, and I love licking them. Hell, I love Oreo's so much that I forced Venus to create one with me.

Peyton Manning* here folks, bringing the funny back to The Money Shot. No, Venus and I didn't really have an "Oreo" baby. I punched her in the stomach and then made Eli suck out the aborted fetus. Mastercard said they would pull my endorsements if they ever found out I was with anyone who wasn't a WASP.

I've got a lot on my mind today, so I'm just going to let it all go and see where it takes me.

Can you believe the University of Tennessee hired that cockboy Lane Kiffin? He is lucky I was on vacation when they made that hire or else he would still be tugging on the crypt keepers balls begging for his buyout money. No way I would hire that prick. I would hire his wife to give me a rimjob, but that's about it. That clown isn't even qualified to coach the D.C. Divas--check out that picture, I bet they hold the Guinness World Record for carpet munched in a quarter-- let alone qualified to coach my once proud alma mater. I may have to hire someone to assassinate him.

Speaking of hiring assassins, can you believe Marvin Harrison is still a free agent? I feel bad. I have to make this confession. I was the shooter on the Grassy Knoll outside Playmakers that evening. I sent in some goon to rough up Marvin and it backfired, turns out he has hands like a ninja. I stole Marvin's gun just in case I had to use it to frame him. The truth is, I was tired of throwing the ball to that overrated bum. I would have thrown to Reggie Wayne in triple coverage over a wide open Marvin on every play if it was my choice. But I couldn't do that because I knew if I threw one more interception Dungy would have swallowed a shotgun right there on the sideline. I made Marvin Harrison, screw him.

You want to know the one thing that really chaps my ass? This bullshit:
Naughright and her lawyer provided a different version of events. In a court filing, her lawyer wrote that she was examining Manning to see why Manning was having pain in one of his feet and was crouched behind him when "entirely unprovoked, Peyton Manning decided to pull down his shorts and sit on Dr. Naughright's head and face."

As Naughright described it in a deposition entered into the court record: "It was the gluteus maximus, the rectum, the testicles and the area in between the testicles. And all that was on my face when I pushed him up. ... To get leverage, I took my head out to push him up and off."

Haha, I totally taint bombed that bitch. I couldn't help it, she had been eye-ballin' my dong for far to long. And just a week before it happened Peerless Price told me she stuck her finger in his butt, I thought she was into it. I guess not. Oh well. How pissed do you think she is every time she sees me on TV and then the image of scrotum, taint, and rectum immediately flash into her memory. Taint bomb bitch.


(*Not really Peyton Manning gaybots)

8 comments:

Grumpy said...

Jesus, two weeks of this? I never thought I would miss G$. Ace is absolutely obsessed with male genitalia and rectums.

GMoney said...

OK, I give you points for the asenine Peerless Price reference (isn't he dead?). But I have to take away points for no mention of America's favorite dead gay son...James Dungy.

Anonymous said...

G$ licks oreos too....Jeter's taint.

This blog was fucking garbage.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, you hurt my feelings. I quit.

Grumpy, I do love male genitalia and rectums...in your face.

G$, shouldn't you be moving?

Dustin said...

Peyton- are you still bitter about that overrated cornerback from Michigan stealing the heisman trophy from you in 1997?

Dustin said...

G$ should still be moving for the next 3 weeks with all the shit that she$ has!

Anonymous said...

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They say you can play online Madden game tournaments on any console for cash... had anyone tried that before? Looks like a cool idea...
Are there any other sites where you can play sports games for real moneys? I Googled and found only Bringit.com and Worldgaming.com but it looks these guys don't specialize in sport gamez. Any suggestions?

Anonymous said...

A little off topic, Guys... I have a question. Last week I looked at this site:
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They say you can play online EA sports game tournaments on any console for cash... had anyone tried that before? Looks like a cool idea...
Are there any other sites where you can play sports games for real moneys? I Googled and found only Bringit.com and Worldgaming.com but it looks these guys don't specialize in sport gamez. Any suggestions?