God dammit. I had this really angry post to unleash today but instead you get a half-assed blog from a beaten down blogger. What are you gonna do? I'm not good enough at this craft to separate the real world from the dick jokes.
So She$ and I put an offer in on this place the day after fucking Easter. That was in fucking April by the way. It's been sitting on a fucking desk at the bank for awhile now and our dipshit realtor hopes to have an answer about whether they even ACCEPT the fucking deal by the end of June. Come on, man. Almost three months to find out even if they accept the offer? That shit is not right at all. Talking to pops about this scenario and it is getting more and more likely that this is going to fall through and it's back to the shitty drawing board. The best part about this is that we get married in less than 2 months. Barring a miracle, we're not even going to have a house the day that we get married. And that shit is fucked. It's bullshit. I don't understand the real estate process. Why does it take so damn long? If this is a buyer's market, then why are we being prevented from buying? Fuck this. But enough about my problems...I could rectify this situation by not only burning the realtor's house down while jamming to some Danzig, but also by...
..throwing out deadlines like Brad Childress. How about that segue? My realtor is to selling houses as Childress is to NFL coaching credibility. They both suck if you couldn't follow that. Who the fuck is this bald prick to be laying down the law to Brett Favre anyway? Like it really matters if Favre waits until August to decide. Boomer Esiason's son could start for the Vikings behind center. ***If you get that reference, you should be busting up laughing and will be joining me in Hell.***
I'm getting sick of this shit which I'm sure all of you are, too. I turn on SportsCenter on Sunday at 6 after a day of Tiger dominating, Tony Stewart (whose nickname is "Smoke", which I had never heard before, I thought it was WIDE LOAD) wins a race, the NBA Finals are that night, and plenty of baseball going on. What does ESPN open with? Brett Favre had surgery on his arm and MIGHT come back to the NFL! Come on, I don't have the stomach to deal with this bullshit anymore. This isn't that big of a story anyway. It's just like dealing with my realtor. Just tell me the fucking truth and don't beat around the bush. Knock it the fuck off already. Quit dicking me/us around.
Do you want to know what you can get me for my birthday/wedding present other than a competent realtor? I don't ask for much. I just want this:
I would wear this shirt every damn day of my life. I'm sick of the mindless and dickless drama. If he plays, great, he's going to be terrible. If he doesn't, great too, he can cultivate some weirdo crop that makes Wrangler Jeans. I'm just tired of being jerked around. Whether it be in real life or in my one escape from the daily shit cycle (sports), can someone please be honest and make a fucking decision already. Fuck You, Brett Favre. Best shirt ever. Worst realtor ever. This was a great rant. Lofty rant. Are any of my readers a realtor/over-the-hill quarterback assassin? I'm not saying...I'm just saying. We'll talk. I've got a Danzig CD that you can borrow.