Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Weak Sauce

God dammit. I had this really angry post to unleash today but instead you get a half-assed blog from a beaten down blogger. What are you gonna do? I'm not good enough at this craft to separate the real world from the dick jokes.

So She$ and I put an offer in on this place the day after fucking Easter. That was in fucking April by the way. It's been sitting on a fucking desk at the bank for awhile now and our dipshit realtor hopes to have an answer about whether they even ACCEPT the fucking deal by the end of June. Come on, man. Almost three months to find out even if they accept the offer? That shit is not right at all. Talking to pops about this scenario and it is getting more and more likely that this is going to fall through and it's back to the shitty drawing board. The best part about this is that we get married in less than 2 months. Barring a miracle, we're not even going to have a house the day that we get married. And that shit is fucked. It's bullshit. I don't understand the real estate process. Why does it take so damn long? If this is a buyer's market, then why are we being prevented from buying? Fuck this. But enough about my problems...I could rectify this situation by not only burning the realtor's house down while jamming to some Danzig, but also by...

..throwing out deadlines like Brad Childress. How about that segue? My realtor is to selling houses as Childress is to NFL coaching credibility. They both suck if you couldn't follow that. Who the fuck is this bald prick to be laying down the law to Brett Favre anyway? Like it really matters if Favre waits until August to decide. Boomer Esiason's son could start for the Vikings behind center. ***If you get that reference, you should be busting up laughing and will be joining me in Hell.***

I'm getting sick of this shit which I'm sure all of you are, too. I turn on SportsCenter on Sunday at 6 after a day of Tiger dominating, Tony Stewart (whose nickname is "Smoke", which I had never heard before, I thought it was WIDE LOAD) wins a race, the NBA Finals are that night, and plenty of baseball going on. What does ESPN open with? Brett Favre had surgery on his arm and MIGHT come back to the NFL! Come on, I don't have the stomach to deal with this bullshit anymore. This isn't that big of a story anyway. It's just like dealing with my realtor. Just tell me the fucking truth and don't beat around the bush. Knock it the fuck off already. Quit dicking me/us around.

Do you want to know what you can get me for my birthday/wedding present other than a competent realtor? I don't ask for much. I just want this:

I would wear this shirt every damn day of my life. I'm sick of the mindless and dickless drama. If he plays, great, he's going to be terrible. If he doesn't, great too, he can cultivate some weirdo crop that makes Wrangler Jeans. I'm just tired of being jerked around. Whether it be in real life or in my one escape from the daily shit cycle (sports), can someone please be honest and make a fucking decision already. Fuck You, Brett Favre. Best shirt ever. Worst realtor ever. This was a great rant. Lofty rant. Are any of my readers a realtor/over-the-hill quarterback assassin? I'm not saying...I'm just saying. We'll talk. I've got a Danzig CD that you can borrow.

11 comments:

Grumpy said...

In this market, it shouldn't take a seller 60 days to accept or reject an offer. Tell your realtor to give them a deadline.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Grumpy. I have had a few friends and the Original Strut purchase homes recently and in each case it took less than a week for the buyer to accept or counteroffer...and even the counteroffering process did not take long. Something sounds fishy here. If I were you, I would call up your realtor and tell him you have a timeline you are working on and if they don't respond by the end of the week, you are going to be looking at another house with another realtor. If that doesn't light a fire under his ass, nothing will. 2 months is just too long, most home sales have closed by then.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

You're such a cunt, and a retarded cunt at that.


How are we supposed to feel sorry for you when you have known for the past several months that your realtor is a piece of shit and you have done nothing about it? Grow some stones and dump your shitty realtor like you should have in April. Then maybe you can start coming up with some good shit again.

Tony B. said...

Brett Favre is a douche.

GMoney said...

Mr. Ace...sigh...can you please just go fuck yourself. Calvin Borel would like to thank you for being the only person in the world that cares about him.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to kill my realtor.

Mr. Ace said...

I think I'm going to head down to Columbus and talk to your realtor. And then find out what house you are trying to buy and pull a price is right on your ass and place a bid just $1 higher than yours.

GMoney said...

Ace, why don't you be like the yodeling hillclimber fuck on that show and jump off a cliff.

By the way, I'm very disappointed that none of you have acknowledged how outstanding that t-shirt is.

Grumpy said...

That t-shirt is outstanding. Your realtor is still a fucking moron.

Nate said...

Sounds like you put an offer down on a short sale property? The offer process on those types of properties could take as long as a year.

You're welcome for the Buzz kill post of the day.

GMoney said...

You would be correct, Nate. I hate it so much.

Anonymous said...

This is probably being posted so late that no one will read it but. I am trying to sell a house and I think it would take 10 minutes to accept an offer if I ever had one.

Also, Andrea's sister just bought a house they are MOVING in about 6 weeks after seeing it the first time.

2 months is pure bullshit.

Hoffman