Thursday, June 18, 2009

An Obligatory US Open Post


There. That is the most creative title that I could think of. I've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to think of anything better and the best I can do is something borderline racist. And I won't go there, dammit! At least not in the title, honky.

So the US Open tees off tomorrow. It's my least favorite of the majors just because watching guys struggle isn't all that appealing to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't like those -20 tournaments either, but plus scores winning isn't cool to me. Tiger is back trying to defend his title from last year and his title from the last time this event was held at Bethpage Black in New York. Will he defend it? You bet your sweet ass he will. It won't even be close either. By the time I go to lunch tomorrow, I expect to hear that he finished his first round at 4 under and is the leader in the clubhouse. I love Tiger.

I hate Phil. He's going to suck. Everyone will make excuses for him. His wife is clearly a gold digger or, in this case, a silver digger:
“She has left me a number of notes, texts, cards, hints that she would like a silver trophy in her hospital room,” Mickelson said Wednesday.

Well, la-dee-fucking-da, your majesty. Would you also like your tiara and ceptur so you can be dubbed Queen of the Hospital, too? And why would she expect to get the trophy anyway? She didn't win it. She didn't launch drives into the fairway three holes over and choke clutch putts. Oh--hold on a second--just got a text from She$...she would like me to bring her a Super Bowl ring, Ted Williams frozen head, and a bloomin' onion tonight promptly at 8:47 pm.

Please don't take that last paragraph seriously. But it does seem a bit odd to see the headline: "Mickelson's wife wants US Open Trophy". Well, she better start hitting the driving range then.

So to recap: Tiger is going to win rather easily, Amy Mickelson wants things that her husband will never be able to give her, I still make inappropriate jokes, and expect a good showing from Hunter Mahan this weekend as well. Enjoy the tournament (except for the times when Chris Berman talks).

3 comments:

Jeff said...

I have to disagree with you. I love the U.S. Open. There's just something about watching professionals struggle at times that brings me joy. Just watching them hit shots like we do is great. A tournament like this is a good thing once a year. It would be like watching the NBA finals being played with a rim that was just big enough to fit the ball. Every shot would have to be a swish. It's not to be done all the time because it would ruin the game and make us think they aren't as good as the really are, but once a year is nice.

GMoney said...

I'm a British Open guy myself. Just love the stark contrast between those courses and the US courses and also that the tournament ends at like 2 pm.

Anonymous said...

I like the US Open because you can watch pros play like Dut for the weekend.

The Masters is my favorite major. Love the tradition and Jim Nance's creepiness.

-Damman