Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Nice Choke, Phil!

Phil Mickelson sucks. People that root for Phil suck. The guy is a loser. His fans are losers. The US Open was his. The only people in his way were Crispin Glover, the 882nd ranked player in the world, former Detroit Tiger Skeeter Barnes, and Lois Pewterschmidt's old boyfriend, Ross Fishman, and he STILL pissed it away. I guess it probably would be hard to hit quality shots with a dick in your ass and both of your hands around your throat. Maybe we should ask Dut about that. I watched a lot of the US Open this past weekend (except for yesterday when I was earning my food stamps), here are a few quick thoughts.

*Bravo to Ryan Moore and Johan Edfors. You don't see many golfers rock the beard anymore. Nice look...lofty look.

*Tiger just didn't make enough putts this weekend. I will say this and yes, I am making excuses for my boy. Had he not played his first two rounds in the rain, he wins. Look at the people that finished in the top ten...I believe that Tiger was the only one that had to deal with the rain. Whatever though, as long as Phil didn't win, it's fine by me.

*I was pulling for David Duval. Had he won the tournament, it would have been one of the greatest sports stories of all time. Hopefully, he can keep this going and compete in more tournaments. It was great seeing him back looking like Bruce Hooley.

*But that was such a bullshit tournament. The US Open winner finishes 3 over on his final round and STILL wins by two shots? Fuck that. Bethpage should be ashamed with that.

*Is it just me or does Rocco Mediate's ass double as a drive-in movie theater? That thing is massive.

*I already had my New York Post-esque headline ready if Ricky Barnes won: BARNES IS NOBLE! Creative, huh? I also would have used for Glover, "If the Glover fits, you must acquit!"

All in all, a pretty crappy tournament this past weekend only made great because Mickelson reminded us all that he likes to piss his pants in big moments. And what was the deal with his clothes? Just disgusting. Onto the British Open and a Tiger victory...unfortunately, America's favorite white belt wearing ball-gagger will not be showing up to miss the cut. We'll live.


Anonymous said...

You're a fucking idiot...


Anonymous said...

How do you figure he pissed the tournament away dumb fuck? He never even had the lead outright, and started the day 5 back! He did bogey down the stretch, but he also had to go birdie, eagle to get to where he was at, which wasnt even the outright lead. Keep making excuses for your "boy" tiger who shot an awesome +4 on day one you front running fuck. Ricky Barnes didnt choke??


GMoney said...

Ricky Barnes is supposed to choke, bitch. Your fagbait buddy is not eventhough he almost always does. He had the lead with Glover and Duval with 4 holes left...he fucking choked. It was awesome.

Tiger was the only golfer that played in the slop to not finish over par...he would have won the tournament by 3 had he played in Glover's conditions.

Mr. Ace said...

Tiger always does this shit, no matter what the weather is. He always blows dick in the first round and then is forced to make a big move on saturday just to stay in contention. I expect more from the worlds best.

Phil choked giant horse cock, no denying that. I actually would have been happy is he won...which is sort of disturbing because I kind of hate him.

Anonymous said...

*Agree with Seal that Phil didn't choke. I believe he also was the only player to play each round at even or under par. So far this year in majors Phil has finished ahead of Tiger both times...and both times you have predicted Tiger would have the thing wrapped up by Saturday.

Go sit on Charlie Coles cock.


GMoney said...

Drew, your last sentence may have been the greatest in the history of this great site. Noe hurry up and get your "BJ Mullens is getting drafted by the Pistons" post ready as I want to put it up on Friday morning.

Phil Mickelson has an amazing gag reflex...or so someone's uncle tells me.

GMoney said...

And is no one going to give me love on Crispin Glover reference? George McFly! Biff totaled his car and all he had for him was light beer!

Grumpy said...

Piece of the lead with 4 to go against dog shit players. CHOKE!

Anonymous said...

Anyone that thinks Phil Choked needs to CHOKE THEMSELVES.. your fucking clueless an know nothing about the sport. Tiger fucking choked then. so did Barnes and the other 155 players.. Glover won it.. and Tiger Was NOT the only one that played in crappy conditions. Phil did some and so did several others. Wrong Wrong Wrong.

GMoney said...

Phil and the rest of the top ten did not play in the same conditions as Tiger. Don't even try to go there.

If you want us to believe that Phil is at least close to being on the same level as Tiger, then stop fucking using excuses like he didn't choke.

He did choke. A guy who has won 3 majors (somehow) should not be EVER finishing +2 over the final four holes when he has the lead. Absurd. Glover did not win it...he just didn't lose it like Phil did.

It's funny that you FOP's (Fags of Phil) keep defending this guy eventhough he continues to disappoint. Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Dude your Sick.. Tiger has 14 majors and Ive seen him shoot over par several times.. sometimes final rounds. May not be a major. but IT Happens.

Anonymous said...

dude fuck you you tiger dicksucking muthafucka go suck a cock and die asshole

Anonymous said...

Phil sux. Chokey McChokerson.