Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Cheap Beer Day!

Let me explain why we are going with this topic today:
*The sporting world has given us nothing to talk about.
*It took me almost 48 hours to shake off Saturday night's accompanying hangover.
*I got my picture taken with the Miller High Life Guy.

When you combine all three of these, why not talk about our favorite cheap beers? Look, we've all been there before. It usually took place in our late teens or early twenties, but back in those days, you had no money and needed to get fucked up every weekend. Fortunately, there are numerous breweries that targeted this market section. I mean, do you really think that Natural Light would still be around if it wasn't for broke college kids and my future father-in-law? Of course not! Because normal people do not like the taste of hops, barley, and goat shit.

I'm not really sure why, but the Kroger in Oxford had one of the sickest beer departments I've seen outside of Canada. They had EVERYTHING. And that included a wide variety of cases for under $15 and 6 packs that could be purchased for the price of a pack of Juicy Fruit (which just so happens to be Drew's nickname down in the Short North). Anyway, I wouldn't be caught dead drinking a Natty Light or a Beast or a Coors. But I did have my favorites and my 5 favorites are below.

5. Mickey's - Ah yes, the worst of the worst when it came to malt liquor. One of my boys used to drink this shit all the fucking time in the freshmen dorm and for awhile I could stomach it myself. I even bought a Mickey's bar sign on eBay! Do I still have that? Would She$ have a problem if I nailed it to the wall in our living room. I truly believe that Mickey's could be the worst drink ever. I believe that their slogan was something like, "for the man who can't afford King Cobra, drink Mickey's".

4. Schaefer - I'm not willing to do any research on this, but I think that this is brewed in Milwaukee and it was all sorts of awesome. Every time that I crushed a 12er of this shit, I'm quite positive that my self esteem was at it's peak. People would ask, "What's gotten into G$"? And someone would reply, "He looks like he's hopped up on Schaefer again". Actually, this beer might not even be real...it could have just been a mirage. But I will tell you this: Heaven serves Schaefer. I guarantee it.

3. Schlitz - I was pounding this stuff way before Rod Farva made it cool. I can't say this enough: Schlitz. Is. Awesome. Do you remember the 2001 World Series? The first two games that Arizona won, I drank Bud Light. The middle 3 games that the Yankees won? A 12 pack of Schlitz each game poured into a Schlitz goblet. I go to OU for Halloween on game 6 and get 3 40's of Budweiser for game 7. That lost series was my fault because I disrespected the greatness of Schlitz. It gets a bad rap in my opinion. Trust me on this, take Schlitz to the next gathering that you go to. You will be as popular with everyone as the Dos Equis guy.

2. Miller High Life - My Senior "season" of college, this was all that Kuehn and I drank. It helped that our favorite bar sold bottles of the stuff for $1.25 (and 75 cents on Thursday nights!). For as much as I respect living the high life, I just couldn't drink it today. I've babied my colon for too long. It is no longer made of iron from case after case of the champagne of beers. Even if I could finish a bottle these days, I would be on the toilet for at least 6 hours a day for the next 3 weeks. But I will never forget living the high life...and trying to picture the chick on the bottle nude.

1. Stroh's - I HATE Kid Rock but he really nailed it with his lyric, "30 pack of Stroh's, 30 pack of ho's". I love Stroh's. The only "bar" that I've ever seen it sold at though was River City Bowl-A-Way. They used to carry a 12 pack of it there JUST FOR US. The cool thing about Stroh's is that they make a point of advertising that it is "fire-brewed". I have no idea what that means but that is all sorts of awesome. Is it made out of lava? It would not surprise because only the coolest of the cool are allowed to drink this greatness anyway. Coors likes to tell you that their beer is the coldest around, well Stroh's says fuck that. We brew ours with fucking fire!

There you go. There is my list for drinking on the cheap. Man, I really, REALLY want a Stroh's right now. It's too bad that this guy probably drank it all. Let's discuss cheap alcohol in the comments, shall we? Maybe we can turn back into a sports blog again tomorrow.


Upstate Underdog said...

I haven't had a Stroh's since college and that was 15 years ago. I thought they stopped brewing it. If you want a good cheap beer get some Genesee if you can find it out there.

Grumpy said...

The generations connect. In the mid 60's and underage, we used to pool our change to enjoy that one of a kind fire brewed flavor.

GMoney said...

Grump, that swill from Cincy...is that called Hudy Delight? That shit was rancid.

Anonymous said...

There is never day where I don't have Natty Light in my fridge. I still love it and don't give a damn what you think.

--Juicy Fruit

Anonymous said...

Malt liquor it was Mickeys and King Cobra.

Cheap beers, Goebel, the premium French beer and Strohing a party. Busch also a delight ;)

Free "road pops" from the liquor store in Richmond when we bought alcohol for our fraternity parties. We usually selected Labatts.

CJs anytime for beers on tap or converse with bartender to gain free beer.

Anonymous said...

I vote PBR.


Dustin said...

Pbr may be the worst beer in the history of beer.

I drank a lot of keystone my freshman year of college. Now it makes me gag just looking at it.

Anonymous said...

Another vote for Keystone here. The Bottled Beer Taste In a Can!

Mr. Ace said...

I will still occasionally grab some mini Mick's if I come across them.

Natty was always my choice in college. Mrs. Ace's dad still drinks them on the regular.

PBR is awful, so is busch, so is high life.

Anonymous said...

Pistons just fired Michael Curry! Happy Days...

--Juicy Fruit

GMoney said...

Just another in the long line of Joe Dumars mistakes...except for his drink of choice: OLDE ENGLISH!

Anonymous said...

I would assume that you say he drinks Old English due to the Old English D on the Tigers hats and not because of his race, right? Haha

-- Juicy Fruit

Grumpy said...

Hudy, Hudy Delight, Burger, Wiedemann, Schoenling, all the Cincy beers sucked. That's why we discriminating 16 year olds drank Stroh's.

Tony B. said...

Steel Reserve will get you fucked up!

Great strip club stories yesterday G$ and Juicy Fruit!

Nate said...

The first sip of Natty tastes so good, only because it takes you back to college. Every sip after that is utter shit.

It also pains me to say my namesake beer is just something awful.

Ever have Moosehead while in Canada?

GMoney said...

I have, Nate, and it's solid. A little skunky but still good.

Anonymous said...

Hudy Delight is probably the worst beer ever brewed. We got a keg of it one day and could not get drunk. We looked up the content and it is like 2% and taste like what one would assume horse piss tastes like. Swihart can vouch for how funny it was seeing all these freshmen bitches drinking a couple glasses and acting all fucked up.

No love for Busch Lite? I think my dad lived off that shit.