Monday, June 15, 2009

Candlebox Is Still Alive and the Weekend That Was

I've got 5 things that I want to talk about today that transpired over the weekend. No intro, no nonsense. Let's get right to it.

The City of Champions - My prediction from Friday ended up being accurate as the Penguins walked out of Detroit as Stanley Cup champions. The game was awesome. Marc-Andre Fleury was the cat's pajamas and his stops at the end were amazing. Good stuff all around. Bravo to the Wings fans for sticking around and cheering Mario Lemiuex when he raised the Cup. Also bravo for booing the shit out of Gary Bettman. What a weasel. One thing that I couldn't help but notice during the Pens celebration was that Sidney Crosby might not be the most liked guy on that team. It seemed like he was seeking out hugs instead of people trying to find him. Maybe it's not true, but I wonder. Either way, this was a very good season for the future of the NHL.

Luis Castillo is the worst player ever - Nice fucking catch, asshole.

Wait a minute, Candlebox is still together? - Went downtown on Saturday for Park Street something or other. It's pretty much like a Rally in the Alley times 200. People were everywhere...way too many assholes. Commenter Damman wanted to rumble with some dickbag that spilled beer on him. He was wearing sunglasses at 10 pm...he would have killed Damman. Anyway, the band playing the event was none other than late-90's kind-of-a-big-deal rock band, CANDLEBOX! I loved these guys when I was in high school. Hearing "Far Behind" took me back. They put on a very solid show. Candlebox...what an obscure reference.

That was Ochocinco, dammit - Speaking of the Park Street Festival, I swear to God that Chad Johnson was there. I have no idea how to check Twitter to confirm this, but I know that that was him. A tall, rangy black guy who looked like a dick and loved killing my fantasy team...that had to be 85. Maybe someone a little more internet-saavy than me can check on this. I should have punched him in his fucking jaw anyway. Fake face tattoos? You suck balls.

Cleveland is Shaqtastic...maybe - I didn't think that Danny Ferry should have traded for the Diesel at the deadline this past year. Now, it appears that those talks are back on. If the Suns are willing to take Ben Wallace and Sasha for him, how can you say no to this! Who knows, maybe they want more. Even if they ask for JJ Hickson, I still think that you do this. Offer those three and get Shaq and their first rounder then. When Kobe wins his title (maybe last night), do you really think that Shaq is going to not answer? Of course not! He is going to kill it trying to one-up Kobe again! He's sort of perfect, even in his advanced age, for the Mike Brown system anyway. Please get this done...I just want to get my Shaq Diesel CD out again.

The second worst round of golf ever - So yesterday, Ol' G$ had quite a golf outing with commenters Dut (who unintentionally was wearing his shirt inside out) and Damman and the hottest bartender in Columbus involved. I am about the definition of mediocre on the links as I shot a putrid 58 on the front and followed that with a sizzling 43 on the back at Mentel Memorial in Galloway ($31 bucks for a weekend round w/ cart? Fuck. Yes.). It was the best 9 that I have ever put together in my life. Damman and I managed to destroy those two losers in skins 14-4 with D shooting a robust 89. I want to discuss Dut for a moment before going away for the day. This guy steps up to the tee on 1 and rips the shit out of one. Neither of us had played with him before so seeing this happen on his first shot had us a bit awestruck. That may have been his only decent shot of the day. I told him that I would not tell him what he ended up shooting, but I'm a liar. He knows this. Fucker shot a 124. One hundred twenty four! I have seen the worst round of golf ever with Naptown Wolverine "firing" a 125 before, and this was just as bad. suck. I should not be beating anyone by 23 shots. I couldn't beat my mom by 23 shots and I assume that she is terrible. Maybe not "Dut" terrible, but still bad. You lost to Damman by 35! You are officially banned from golfing with me. In fact, I would recommend all of you to ban Dut from your foursomes until he takes some lessons. That's what you get for hanging out at Spice Bar...and wearing a Bowling Green hat. If you actually thought that a crappy performance like this would not be written about, then obviously you do not know me. But I think that deep down, you knew this was coming. You earned the scorn of my commenters.

It was also deemed that I have the whitest legs ever. Why would I be embarrassed about this anyway? I'm a white guy who hates the sun. Anyway, we sort of ran the gamut of topics today. It's sort of like those old Hump Day Hump columns that I used to run on Wednesdays. Well, how about that. Hopefully, when you read this, the Lakers will have put the Flukes out of their misery. Go to Hell. I'm writing a guest post over at The Big Picture for tomorrow...I need to focus.


Grumpy said...

124? I haven't played in 20 years and I could beat that with borrowed clubs. Ban him.

Mr. Ace said...

Dut, you bum. All I have heard from you this year was how awesome you have been because you "changed your grip"... apparently you weren't talking about golf. Remember when I would have beaten you with your own clubs if we would have finished?

Upstate Underdog said...

The crazy thing about Castillo is that he has 3 gold gloves to his name.

Also, I think my 4 year old daughter could shoot better than a 124, that's disgraceful.

Dustin said...

I deserve any shots at me today. That was fucking awful.

I'm not sure how accurate a 124 is considering I had a few incompletes! The wheels came off yesterday.

The readers should know that I was out until after 4 am on friday and Saturday. I couldn't even out me shirt on the right way! I will be back, bitches.

GMoney said...

You will be back after you take 2 years worth of lessons. Yes, that 124 was was probably higher.

Anonymous said...

Site mascot news....Chad Ford is hearing that a team in the top 16 gave B.J. Mullens a promise that they will take him.


GMoney said...

Chad Ford just got lied to.

Anonymous said...

I think we should organize a Naptown Wolverine vs Dut showdown on the golf course sometime. That would be one for the ages.


Tony B. said...

Chad Ocho Cinco's twitter is uninteresting- lots of yo mama jokes and him calling himself the Black Mexican. You probably should've punched him in the face.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, u should host ur own golf outing. That would be tits.

It would only last one year because I'm sure we would all be banned afterwards. But it would be worth it.

Anonymous said...

I was also at the Festival on Saturday night, and we had what we believed to be a Chad Johnson sighting at Bar Louie. He fit the profile and I thought it was him, but when he smiled he didn't have the two golden teeth in the front. I guess it's possible that he didn't wear his grillz that night, but I also want confirmation on this sighting!
PS, Dut was probably too drunk to remember the sighting.


GMoney said...

GSaul, FUCK YEAH, I'm glad someone else saw this guy. That's it, I'm calling it...Chad Johnson was jamming to Candlebox on Saturday night about ten feet away from me.

A golf outing centered around this blog, eh??? You make an interesting case.

Dustin said...

You know its bad when a guy shoots over 100 and can talk shit. I will play naptown wolverine for any amount of money you want to put down.

Anonymous said...

The Money Shot Open...The U.S. Open would pale in comparison.


rstiles said...

That would have been classic if you punched Chad Johnson