Friday, May 08, 2009

The Nation's Black Eye


Oh, what a glorious day. For the past year, it seemed like only guys on my team were cast off as cheaters. But now we have company in Hell. And misery loves company.

So Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games. Apparently, he was busted for taking some sort of testosterone builder that is also known as a substance that people use at the end of a steroids cycle. As I've said many times in the past, I don't give a shit about steroids. I really don't. The whole "sanctity of the game" bullshit ended in 1994 during the strike. I don't know why purists get so up in arms over this shit today. Baseball players are not heroes. They cheat on their wives, on the game, on their taxes, on everything. I've accepted this. You all should to. It's a different time now. These people are paid to entertain you. They can't do that day in and day out naturally. No one wants to see a bunch of singles and bunts. That sucks. We want fucking dingers and we want the biggest names in the game to do it.

But the best part about this...all of those Red Sox fans out there that pointed their fingers at us can officially shove it up their asses. Your legacy is now tainted. We all "know" that they had cheaters, too. It's just that now we have proof. Personally, I figured that it would be David Ortiz who would be exposed first as the fraud that he is (the guy has not hit a home run this year). But I'll take Manny eventhough I like the guy. Now nobody knows if those 2004 and 2007 titles were legit. I think that history should just do the right thing and strip the Red Sox of those two championships. Congratulations, '04 Cardinals and '07 Rockies on your World Series titles!!! NINETEEN-EIGHTEEN (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!!! But since that won't happen, let's just put a big old fucking asterisk next to those since they won those with scientific help.

Kudos to Bud Selig for trying to make the sport clean and in turn making 4 of the greatest players in baseball history (Bonds, Clemens, A-Rod, and Manny) being the faces of the steroids era. Yeah, that's what you wanted, you asshole. God, he sucks at his job. He's worse than Gary Bettman. There, I said it.

I'm going to miss Manny though. He made the Dodgers relevant and baseball is better when LA is good. Now they have to tread water until July 3rd. They probably will because their pitching staff is awesome and the NL West is a joke, but it's not the same. Hell, they had a Mannywood section set up in left field!

So what did we learn today? Manny is just like everyone else. Bill Simmons wants to kill himself now (great article though). Every player on the Red Sox over the past decade was juicing and Simmons pretty much admits that. Everyone on the mid-90's Indians juiced. Seriously, between Manny, Thome, Albert Belle, Paul Sorrento, Jason Grimsley, and Carlos Baerga, they must have had a huge buffet of 'roids in that clubhouse. None of you are spared. We all root for shady players and the quicker that you can admit that, the quicker we can move on from this and never have to talk about it again. It feels more and more like we should just be rooting for the jersey and not the man who wears it. Because eventually, these guys will let us down. Honestly, there is only one guy playing today that would shock me if he was dirty and that is Jeter.

And with Manny leaving for 50 games, at least we get the return of a legend today. Baseball Jesus himself, Mr. Alex Rodriguez will be back in the lineup for the Yankees tonight. Maybe he can actually help them get a lead for the first time this week. Welcome back, Alex! Please use your magical powers to get us over .500 again. Have a good weekend and if you are looking to enhance your weekend, stay away from the boner meds that Manny uses and stick with the whiskey, heroin, Ratt CD's, and penicillin that normally account for your entertainment.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is nothing but a conspiracy, so people stop talking about A-ROD's roid use on his dismal return. Stienbrenner probably paid someone off to make Manny fail the test, because we know that he hates him.

Naptown Wolverine

GMoney said...

Relax, your Dodgers will be fine. Have you seen Steinbrenner lately? He isn't capable of this shit anymore. He probably can't even feed himself and needs one of those shit bags.

Grumpy said...

One cheater out, another cheater in. Why don't they suspend these guys forever? A player might think twice if he knew he would lose his paycheck forever. And these guys on the juice impacted the outcome of games, as you point out in reference to the Red Sox championships. Why are they allowed to stay and Pete Rose is outside looking in?

GMoney said...

Because Pete Rose is the biggest sack of shit ever. Maybe I could get over him if he would have not showcased that Prince Valiant haircut all of those years.

Upstate Underdog said...

Ratt CD's?

Ratt and Roll, dude!

Anonymous said...

Jeter is too much of a pussy to juice... hes probably afraid of the needles.

Griffey Jr, the only power hitter to not juice in the steroid era. Body type and swing as never changed. Plus he probably wouldnt have been injured so fucking much if he would have used.

Seal

Anonymous said...

What about Longoria, he,s not huge but he has some killer power. No roids there.

Naptown Wolverine

GMoney said...

He's been in the league for about a year, NW, give it some time.

Seal, eh, maybe. I look down on him though for voluntarily becoming a Red. Nobody with morals does that.

UU, love will find a way just give it time!!!

Mr. Ace said...

I was really hoping you were going to crucify Manny for his doping ways, but I forgot you were a deviant and have no morals or values. Pussy.

Seal, that is the dumbest shit I have ever seen on this blog, "he probably wouldnt have been injured so fucking much if he would have used." That's one of the main characteristics of steroid use, tendon and ligament injuries. Griffey Jr. didn't juice? You can't really beleive that. Have you seen him the past 5-7 years? He is damn near the size of Bonds. And all of the injury problems he has had makes him a lock as a juicing peice of shit.

Anonymous said...

Griffey got bigger but it was fat, Bonds got huge but it was all muscle. Two completely different body types. Not sure what you have been looking at, Ace.

I agree with Seal. I don't think Griffey juiced. He was never that big to begin with and has stayed relatively close to same weight the past 10 years. Nowhere near the change that Bonds, ARod, Thome and Manny went through.

HGH does prevent injury and that is different from roids, so it depends which PED you are talking about.

-Damman

GMoney said...

A Seal/Mr. Ace feud on this site would be incredible.

By the way, LeBron and the Cavs are unstoppable. Nothing gives me a sports boner more than The Q chanting "WAL-LY!"

Would you be shocked if Griffey did juice though? I wouldn't. Nothing prevents injuries but HGH helps your muscles recover faster.

Tony B. said...

I'm 100% sure Griffey juiced- I saw it on the Simpsons. His head got huge!

Anonymous said...

The Bill Simmons article you linked was a great read that really makes you take a hard look at the steroids era in general.

Tony, great Simpsons reference!

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Damman is right, griffey is huge muscular, he is gettin fat with old age. and the guy has 3 home runs! his numbers declining with age show it all. No way he used.

My comment about injuries was saying that he would have recovered much faster from all of them considering HGH hormone pills were used in the healing process.

Seal

Anonymous said...

I meant he is not huge muscular

Grumpy said...

Pete Rose is a sack of shit and an asshole to boot, but address the point. These cheaters impacted the outcome of more games than Rose ever could have.

GMoney said...

Grump, I can look beyond the steroids because they were trying to improve their performance and in turn the game. I can't forgive a guy who bet on games as a manager, showed up anywhere to sign autographs and sell his shit, and then, 20 years after his ban, all of a sudden fesses up.

He dug his own grave. Fuck him. Fuck him in the ass.

Anonymous said...

Cecil Fielder never juiced!

--Drew

Grumpy said...

You think the juicers would have "fessed up" if they hadn't been caught? I'm not a baseball fan at all, but you and your buddies are. And you're proof that the fans don't care about cheating. Sad commentary.

GMoney said...

Grump, the next time you have your muscle car on the highway and open it up, go turn yourself in for speeding even if you don't get caught. Doesn't make sense, does it?

To each his own, I guess.

Tony B. said...

Want to talk about not caring about cheating? What about the NFL? Shawn Merriman tested positive to performance enhancers, got a 4 game suspension, was still strongly in the conversation for Defensive Player of the Year, and was rewarded with going to the Pro Bowl. I'm not saying this absolves baseball, but let's just say Football is NOT even close to clean, and even less people care about the cheaters in that sport.