Friday, May 08, 2009
Oh, what a glorious day. For the past year, it seemed like only guys on my team were cast off as cheaters. But now we have company in Hell. And misery loves company.
So Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games. Apparently, he was busted for taking some sort of testosterone builder that is also known as a substance that people use at the end of a steroids cycle. As I've said many times in the past, I don't give a shit about steroids. I really don't. The whole "sanctity of the game" bullshit ended in 1994 during the strike. I don't know why purists get so up in arms over this shit today. Baseball players are not heroes. They cheat on their wives, on the game, on their taxes, on everything. I've accepted this. You all should to. It's a different time now. These people are paid to entertain you. They can't do that day in and day out naturally. No one wants to see a bunch of singles and bunts. That sucks. We want fucking dingers and we want the biggest names in the game to do it.
But the best part about this...all of those Red Sox fans out there that pointed their fingers at us can officially shove it up their asses. Your legacy is now tainted. We all "know" that they had cheaters, too. It's just that now we have proof. Personally, I figured that it would be David Ortiz who would be exposed first as the fraud that he is (the guy has not hit a home run this year). But I'll take Manny eventhough I like the guy. Now nobody knows if those 2004 and 2007 titles were legit. I think that history should just do the right thing and strip the Red Sox of those two championships. Congratulations, '04 Cardinals and '07 Rockies on your World Series titles!!! NINETEEN-EIGHTEEN (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!!! But since that won't happen, let's just put a big old fucking asterisk next to those since they won those with scientific help.
Kudos to Bud Selig for trying to make the sport clean and in turn making 4 of the greatest players in baseball history (Bonds, Clemens, A-Rod, and Manny) being the faces of the steroids era. Yeah, that's what you wanted, you asshole. God, he sucks at his job. He's worse than Gary Bettman. There, I said it.
I'm going to miss Manny though. He made the Dodgers relevant and baseball is better when LA is good. Now they have to tread water until July 3rd. They probably will because their pitching staff is awesome and the NL West is a joke, but it's not the same. Hell, they had a Mannywood section set up in left field!
So what did we learn today? Manny is just like everyone else. Bill Simmons wants to kill himself now (great article though). Every player on the Red Sox over the past decade was juicing and Simmons pretty much admits that. Everyone on the mid-90's Indians juiced. Seriously, between Manny, Thome, Albert Belle, Paul Sorrento, Jason Grimsley, and Carlos Baerga, they must have had a huge buffet of 'roids in that clubhouse. None of you are spared. We all root for shady players and the quicker that you can admit that, the quicker we can move on from this and never have to talk about it again. It feels more and more like we should just be rooting for the jersey and not the man who wears it. Because eventually, these guys will let us down. Honestly, there is only one guy playing today that would shock me if he was dirty and that is Jeter.
And with Manny leaving for 50 games, at least we get the return of a legend today. Baseball Jesus himself, Mr. Alex Rodriguez will be back in the lineup for the Yankees tonight. Maybe he can actually help them get a lead for the first time this week. Welcome back, Alex! Please use your magical powers to get us over .500 again. Have a good weekend and if you are looking to enhance your weekend, stay away from the boner meds that Manny uses and stick with the whiskey, heroin, Ratt CD's, and penicillin that normally account for your entertainment.