Monday, May 18, 2009
I'm not a gamer. Sure, I can stomp all of your asses in Golden Tee but I prefer watching TV when I'm at home over playing video games. But that might change. This week, Nintendo is releasing "Punch-Out" for Wii. Now, Mike Tyson's Punchout, I have decided, is the greatest video game of all time. Don't get me wrong, the Tecmo franchise, NBA Jam, and Baseball Stars were great...but this was perfection.
It only makes sense that Nintendo would be bringing Little Mac and Doc back. Unfortunately, it appears that Mike Tyson has nothing to do with this project. He's too busy singing Phil Collins songs to Andy Bernard. I think that Tyson has reached the point in his life in which he has a pink glow around him and is one punch away from getting knocked out.
This is awesome though. Nintendo managed to get back all of the old boxers. They got Von Kaiser out of jail for his war crimes during World War II. Great Tiger quit his job as a telemarketer. King Hippo was taken off the cast of The Biggest Loser. Piston Honda shut down production of the Accord. Soda Popinski prematurely left rehab. Super Macho Man left the gay biker's club where he lives. Don Flamenco burned down his pizza shop to collect the insurance money to bring he and Carmen back to the ring. And G$ managed to squeeze in over 5 stereotypes into one paragraph without mentioning that Doc loves him some orange drank.
Either way, this can only be a good thing other than the likely exhaustion from trying to box 15 straight people. Maybe the new Punch-Out will make boxing relevant again. It probably won't though since Nintendo probably replaced Tyson at the end with Yoshi, WaLuigi, or Donkey Kong. People always fuck with good things. Join the Nintendo Fan Club today!