Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Dude, I just umpired three games yesterday and I'm sore as fuck. I did my duty as an American and threw some dicks on the grill. Hebrew National Knockwurst is where it's at. Since there is nothing on TV, I'm watching Return of the Jedi for the 5,023rd time. So I guess that the only thing left to talk about is the Eastern Conference Finals, amirite?
--I watched this up at Rick's Sports Bar with commenters Naptown Wolverine and Mr. Ace. Li'l Strut was there for awhile regaling us with tales of his prior sexual conquests. It was awful. He is awful.
--The Cavs blew another big lead.
--Dwight Howard sucked but Shard and Hedo kept them in it.
--Hedo throws down the dagger with a second left.
--Nap Wolve has sympathy shots in hand waiting for the final buzzer to go off and the Cavs to go down 0-2.
--King James nails down one of the coldest shots that you will ever see. EVER. I wish that someone would have taped my reaction. I'm quite certain that I screamed "SICK NASTY" (for some reason) in between wild and uncontrollable fist pumps and hugs from a potential gay man.
--I grabbed the cherry bomb from NW's sausage fingers and slammed the fucker. I may or may not have grinded my junk on Mr. Ace's head.
--Dude, whether you love LeBron or hate him (or hate the Cavs in general), that shit was amazing.
--I managed to get as drunk as humanly possible. Pissed off a few Rick's employees by doing "LeBomb James" shots and throwing sugar into the air. I was loud. I was obnoxious. I was the LeBron James of celebratory boozing on Friday night. I drank so much that it led to a Saturday night of drinking water and playing Risk. That is how you know that you got shit-faced the night before.
--A complete shit sandwich. I never felt like the Cavs were going to win that one.
--For the third time, LeBron was only the Cav that consistently scored and even he couldn't make a jumper.
--70+ free throws??? Someone please tell me why Joey Crawford is still officiating playoff games. He fucking sucks ass.
--If Dwight Howard is going to make 14 free throws then the Magic are going to win the title.
--As great as game 2's finish was, the Cavs needed to capitalize on that momentum.
Thoughts heading into game 4:
--The Magic role players are actually scoring. The Cavs are not and it's frustrating as shit.
--Anderson Varejao has, BY FAR, been the worst player on the court this series.
--It's do or die tonight. If the Cavs lose, it's over.
--I'm willing to admit that the Magic are the better team but I still hold out hope that they will do something stupid and fuck this up.
I'm officially nervous now. This fantastic season is hanging in the balance. SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO STEP UP. By the way, I just listened to Mr. T. sing Take Me Out To The Ballgame. Really, Cubs? It's Memorial Day and the best that you could do was Mr. T.? For your information, he was wearing American flag pants with a matching bandana and a Mr. T. #12 Cubs jersey. Hilarious.
I'm sorry about the post today but with all of the fucking cottonwood shit in the air, I can barely breathe right now. And yes, we will be talking more about the playoffs again tomorrow. Do you really think that I would discuss WhiteTrashlander anyway? I'm better than that.