Friday, April 17, 2009

Where Bad Predictions Happen

ATTENTION! It's OK now. The playoffs start this weekend. All the casual/non NBA fans are allowed to watch now. The losers have been weeded out and we're left with the 15 best teams in the league and the Detroit Pistons. It's no longer cool to run smack about the game because now everyone tries! I allowed you all to talk shit during the season about the product because, you know, everyone is entitled to their opinion...but it's time turn this blog into a fascist wonder again. No more anti-hoops crap. Not in my house. Get that weak stuff out of here. Before we make a few picks about the first round of the playoffs, let's take a gander at my preseason predictions and see how I fared.

Preseason in the East (1-8): Celtics, Cavs, Pistons, Magic, 76ers, Wizards, Raptors, and Bucks
Playoffs: Cavs, Celtics, Magic, Hawks, Heat, 76ers, Bulls, and Pistons
Notes: It's hard to determine which team was more pathetic this year between the Wizards and Pistons. Neither team tried but at least the Wiz had injuries to deal with. The Pistons just coasted through the season eventhough they start 3 all-stars. I should have taken into account that D-Wade is fucking amazing and that is my fault. The Bulls would be so much better if they weren't coached by a JV girls basketball coach. The 76ers are God awful.

Preseason in the West (1-8): Lakers, Hornets, Rockets, Jazz, Mavs, Spurs, Suns, Blazers
Playoffs: Lakers, Nuggets, Spurs, Blazers, Rockets, Mavs, Hornets, Jazz
Notes: Only missed one and that makes sense because the Suns ownership didn't even try this year. I left the Nuggets out initially thinking that there was no way that some team would be dumb enough to give them one of the best glue guys in the league. Joe Dumars is an idiot. Any coincidence that the Rockets were much better with T-Mac hurt?

MVP: LeBron and he's going to win it in a landslide
Coach: Rick Adelman and he'll likely finish second behind Mike Brown
Rookie: OJ Mayo, but it's Rose's award
Worst player: Was then and will always be Luke Walton
Let's get on with the predictions for round one:

Actually, you know what, I want to get something off of my chest first. I'm writing this while listening to the Simmons podcast with the Celtics announcer. They are both saying that whoever wins the title this year, there should be asterisk next to it since KG is out. Fuck that. Are you kidding me? The same fuck that, up until last year, was one of the biggest chokers in league history? Celtics fans are fucking retards. Did we put an asterisk next to their title last year when Boobie Gibson was hurt for games 6 and 7? How about when Andrew Bynum was out? Manu is hurt, should the champs' reputation be slighted because he's not playing? People from Boston are fucking pathetic. I hope that the Cavs get to play them because it would be sweet to celebrate on their fucking floor while simultaneously using Ray Allen's tiny sack as a speedbag. Bunch of pussies.

Cavaliers/Pistons - The Pistons have quit. The Cavs have shown no signs of letting off the gas. I'll give them a game. Cavs in 5
Hawks/Heat - This should be a fairly entertaining romp. People seem to want to see Wade/Bron in round two, but the Hawks are just much better and the Heat have overachieved all year with their crappy roster. Hawks in 7
Celtics/Bulls - Fuck Kevin Garnett. Fuck their excuses. That being said, the Bulls are too young to do much damage. Celtics in 5
Magic/76ers - By far the most boring first round series. Did you watch the Sixers/Cavs game the other night? The Cavs sat almost everyone and yet Philly could only win by a point in overtime. Even ugly Hedo's ugly ankle does not warrant crazy talk about an upset in this round. Magic in 4

Lakers/Jazz - This is not the same Jazz team from last year. These guys kind of suck and are playing terrible basketball. They'll win one at home but expect 4 blowouts. Lakers in 5
Blazers/Rockets - I think that this will be the most competitive series. You've got a great team against the best young team in basketball. This one lasts the distance and I'll take the team that has homecourt. Blazers in 7
Nuggets/Hornets - Denver doesn't really get the respect that they deserve. The Hornets are really not that good. Their thin in the frontcourt and have no shooters. Unless Chris Paul goes fucking nuts, this one won't last too long. Nuggets in 6
Spurs/Mavs - Ugh, it feels like these two rosters of dinosaurs play every playoffs. I have no faith in either team to actually come out of the West. Why would anyone bet on Dirk over a Popovich-coached team? Spurs in 6

Yeah, yeah, I know, I picked chalk in every series. Go fuck yourself. If I absolutely had to pick an upset, I would go with the Bulls over the Celtics, I guess. Now just sit back and enjoy the murdering of the Pistons quasi-dynasty beginning tomorrow. It's going to be a bloodbath. The over/under on Rasheed Wallace technical fouls this series is 3.5. See you all on Monday.


Grumpy said...

I'll never forgive KG for sucker punching Wally in MN. I hope the Cavs wrap up the division in Boston.

GMoney said...'s-biggest-mistake-was-losing-his-wingman

Jason Whitlock's latest column in which he blames all of Isiah's problems on the fact that he and Magic Johnson aren't friends anymore. This guy is the worst writer on the planet.

Dustin said...

The first round of the playoffs will be just as boring as the regular season. Why the hell do the playoffs last 2 months!?

Anonymous said...

Not going to talk about the opener yesterday?????

Tony B. said...

As exciting as this could be, I don't see anyone really standing in the way of a Cavs/Lakers Finals. Maybe that's a good thing, but it does make the earlier rounds a little less interesting.

GMoney said...

Sure, we can talk about baseball. We can talk about the Yankees 5 homers today and win over the Indians. Or that our shitty bullpen suffocated the Indians today. Unlike you guys, I don't overestimate one fucking game.