Friday, April 17, 2009

Taking His Horse Trailer Home


Poor Frank Caliendo. In 4 short months, his two money-making impressions have decided to slip away from the spotlight (Bush and today's topic). How depressed is he today? Hopefully, he shoots himself in the face. Did you ever watch Frank TV. Ouch. For as great as his Jim Rome is, that was the worst Bush impression that I've ever seen.

Anyway, John Madden has called it quits from announcing NFL games. I've got to be honest, this kind of sucks. Sure, he's not very good anymore. He stumbles through the English language worse than Clark Kellogg. His eyebrows and yellow teeth in HD have caused many nightmares for young football fans. His love of guys that "just have fun out there" is beyond annoying. But I'm going to miss him. I'll admit it.

The guy has called almost every single big football game in my lifetime. He was a bigger part of the Thanksgiving tradition than you probably even realize. For God's sake, players were jacked if Madden gave them a postgame turkey leg! Have you seen the prize that Fox gives out now? I guarantee that the recipient of that thing just throws it away before leaving the stadium. Note: no one on the Lions has ever won either award.

I'm guessing that NBC pairs Michaels with Collinsworth now and that is fine. Both guys do a good job. I don't care what people think about Collinsworth, the guy knows his shit, does research, and is well-spoken. He is kind of smug, but he's no worse than Joe Buck. You would think, though, that a guy that makes his home in Cincinnati would be much less pompous.

I have a feeling that eventhough we all kind of brush this aside now and think that it won't matter, we will feel it on that opening night. It just won't be the same without this crazy old idiot screaming "BOOM" into the mic all night. It's sort of like a (potential Simmons reference alert) Billy Packer Corollary. You know that you hate him and you want him to just retire. He finally does (or in Packer's case, gets relieved of his duty) and you are ecstatic. They replace him with someone less offensive in your opinion. But then when the games are played, you kind of miss saying that he's an idiot. I don't know about you guys, but I was sad during the Final Four that I couldn't get pissed off at something that Packer said. The same thing will likely hold true for Madden.

If I knew how, I would cook up a turducken this weekend as a tribute. But instead, I'll probably just drunkenly stumble through the aisles of an Ace Hardware while spraying my feet with tough-actin' Tinactin. I think that John would have liked that.

5 comments:

rstiles said...

I agree with you about Packer...I kept waiting to hear his comments during Selection Sunday and during the Final Four...

Packer was an arrogant idiot, but he was consistent...there have been worse...

We will all miss Madden!

Grumpy said...

What a great tribute idea. Take pictures at Ace.

Anonymous said...

Come on now gmoney, you know barry sanders has rain home one of those turkey legs!

Jon Saul

Dustin said...

G- its really not that hard. You make a turkey, duck, and a chicken and you put them all together. What's so hard about that?

GMoney said...

Oh, OK, Bobby Flay. I would love to see you stuff a bid with another bird and then do the same thing again. You suck balls.