Monday, April 27, 2009

An Offensive Brute...Run Or Pass Or Boot

...and defensively they're rough, tough! Cincinnati Bengals, that's the team we're gonna cheer to victory...TOUCHDOWN BENGALS! Put some points up on the board and win the game for Cincinnati!!!

Those are the lyrics of their fight song. I don't know if I'm ready to live in a world in which the Bengals have an A+ draft. Apparently, Bea Arthur didn't want to either. Before we get into the draft, how about a moment of silence for the woman/man who played Peter Griffin in "Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story"...

Alright, I'm writing this on Sunday night while still trying to syphen all of the leftover Crown Royal from my liver. It's easier said than done because I went through at least a vat of that stuff last night. Had a good time up in Detroit at my buddy's wedding. We were even blessed by a random appearance of Detroit Tigers mascot, Paws! If you ever wondered if a man dressed up like a Tiger dancing at a wedding with a bunch of drunk people is funny, it's not. It is hilarious. Well played. Back to the Draft, I was able to sneak away a few times to check in on things and was greatly impressed. Let's discuss winners and losers, shall we?

WINNER: Bengals
I can not believe that a team that employs John Cooper as a scout can have a draft as awesome as the Bengals had. They got 5-6 starters at least. I do not fear Andre Smith. The guy is a beast. Rey Maualuga fell into their laps and they got themselves a leader at pick 36. Michael Johnson was a steal. They got a good TE and center as well. It was a fantastic performance for a shitty organization. Much better than their rival up I-71...

LOSER: Browns
Since Curry was gone, I get trading back. It made sense. Trading back two more times, I can even get on board with that. But you never, NEVER, take a center in the first round. Just awful. And you follow that up by drafting two average WR's in the second round? They do realize that they could have drafted Jeremy Maclin THREE times in the first round and Crabtree at 5, right? Just horrible. There has to be a decent faction of Browns fans that want Mangini fired already. The guy is a trainwreck.

WINNER: Redskins
Good things come to those who wait. They didn't mortgage the future to go up and get Sanchez (which was a very smart move made by dumb people). Their reward was getting the best pass rusher in the draft in Brian Orakpo. I never thought that he would fall to them but thanks to some stupid teams picking ahead of us, we got a guy who will be a force coming off the end. Even Mr. Ace sent me a text on Saturday telling me that he was pissed that the Skins got him. SUPER BOWL!!!

LOSER: Chiefs
It's time to stop sucking Scott Pioli's dick. He's an idiot. Tyson Jackson isn't even a top ten pick, let alone 3. And in the 7th round, he took former Miami RedHawks TE, Jake O'Connell. That is inexcusable. Dude had like 4 catches all of last season.

WINNER: Packers
That defense is going to be sick now. They got a force of a DT in Raji and a good pass-rushing OLB in Matthews. Their offense is fine, it was the defense that needed to be upgraded. Both of these moves will help AJ Hawk not be bust. By the way, are the Packers starting 4 LB's all white? I think that they might be. Is that even legal anymore? Oh wait, Nick Barnett is there. Damn, so close.

LOSER: Raiders
Good fucking Lord. I'm shocked that they didn't draft Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps or Lance Armstrong. Apparently all that you need to play for the Raiders is speed. They picked the 4th best WR at 7 and a safety from The Ohio's in the second round who ESPN didn't even have footage on. There hasn't been a pick that bad since Maurice Clarett. When does the NFL step in and tell Al Davis that he has to stop making personnel decisions? It needs to happen now. Eventhough their fans are all convicted rapists and felons, they deserve better than Al Davis.

WINNER: Jaguars
Their O-line sucked last year and was the reason that they blew. So they fixed it by getting themselves a couple of tackles in Monroe and Britton. Mojo Drew should be leaping up your fantasy football rankings.

LOSER: Broncos
Knowshon Moreno is talented, yes, but this made no sense. The Broncos have no defense and have already signed Buckhalter and Arrington. WHY DID THEY DRAFT A RB WHEN BRIAN ORAKPO WAS STILL ON THE BOARD!!! Josh McDaniels should join Eric Mangini on the unemployment line. Just awful. Isn't it obvious that these guys are just riding Belichick's coattails and that they, in fact, know nothing about football.

WINNER: Eagles
You got a potentially great WR in Maclin. A good change of pace RB in Shady McCoy. And you got a TE later. Good draft for the Eagles when you throw in the trade for Jason Peters as well. If they would ever realize that they have no QB, they may be a legit threat to win the Super Bowl again.

LOSER: Dolphins
Pat White AND Brian Hartline in the first 4 rounds??? FAIL. EPIC FAIL. TITANIC FAIL. Hartline couldn't catch AIDS from an Ethiopian prostitute. Bill Parcells sucks. It is my goal in life to make everyone realize that this guy is not some genius.

BONUS LOSER: Brian Hoyer - Why did they keep showing this guy? He sucks. He was awful at Michigan State. There is a reason why Sparty ran Javon Ringer 50 times per game and it's because their QB was worse than Jon Navarre...and no one was worse than Jon Navarre.

Agree? Disagree? Like I said, I couldn't follow the coverage as much as I would have liked, but this is what jumped off the page at me. I also liked what the Falcons and Giants did and hated the draft of the Colts and Lions (listening to local sports talk up there yesterday was hilarious). The Cincinnati Bengals as a credible NFL franchise...time to get the shotgun back out.


Anonymous said...

I actually watched more of the draft than I thought I would. Chris Berman was his usual douchebag self. I am willing to see how this draft pays off for the Browns down the road, I'm not going to say it's a bad draft now because it might end up all right down the road, nobody knows.

Big thought the Skins had a great draft. They could have drafted Dan Dye in the first round and you would have loved it.

Brian Hartline going in the 4th round? Wow, he must have known something we didn't.

No mention of the Yankees getting their asses swept out of Boston? Before you say it, I know the Indians suck to. But that can't feel good getting dominated like that.


GMoney said...

It did not feel good and thanks for bringing that up.

Of course the Skins had a great draft. They didn't mortgage their future and got a player that they needed who should have never fallen that far. AND they didn't draft any RedHawks or Alex Boone!

Tony B. said...

The Raiders are more idiotic than I ever thought possible.

BJ Raji sweats a lot will sitting down and talking on the phone- I can't imagine the the waterfall of sweat coming from his brow on gameday.

The only thing I know about the Bears draft is they got a guy from San Jose St who is mildly famous for jumping out of a pool on YouTube. I'm not sure if that helps him play football.

Anonymous said...

I have a weird sense of satisfaction in that Alex Boone did not get drafted...for some reason I feel like he deserved not to. I was actually somewhat satisfied with the Browns draft. Although they did not get any huge names, they are building a foundation for consistency. Their Center, Alex Mack, is good and addresses our O-Line problem and Brian Robiskie is a solid pick, because he is a technically sound reciever who will provide you with a good #2 option from day one. Some of the analysts were even calling him the most NFL ready reciever in the draft. I would have liked to see them take Maualuga in the 2nd and take one of the recievers in the first, but I felt like the dropoff after Crabtree was too large (also, they didnt want him because he didnt want to be in CLE). Maybe Maclin would have been good, but they must have felt he didn't stand out enough to warrant picking. We'll see. Mangini has 3 years and I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Mangini has 3 years and I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

This is why you fail.

Grumpy said...

Andre Smith is an overweight head case with bad advisers. Another piece of shit for the Steelers front 7 to abuse twice a year.

Dustin said...

Yankees are about to get swept 2 series in a row! Bring on Cc's fat ass!!!

Browns are a miracle! More jets backups!!! Yes!!!

Mr. Ace said...

I hated the Maclin pick when it happened and I'm still not that happy about it. I wanted Pettigrew at that spot and then we traded up two spots to get Maclin. Were the Lions a real threat to take Maclin? Brent Celek better play lights out this year. I called that the Eagles would take a flyer on Cornelius Ingram in the later rounds, maybe thats why they didn't feel the need to take Pettigrew with their first pick.

The Bengals still continue to pick a bunch of fuck ups. Andre Smith looks like Fat Albert.

I am still pissed that Orakbo fell to the skins.

GMoney said...

Welcome back to the States, Dut. Believe me, you were not missed.

As a former offensive line great myself, I like Andre Smith. He's going to be fine.

Anonymous said...

*I hope you get the swine flu.

*Check out the consensus draft rankings on ESPN.Com, where they added all the experts grades from other sites. Only five teams scored better than the Lions. I'm not entirely in love with the Lions draft, but it's way better than any draft since the Millen era so it's a start.


Anonymous said...

Sack giving the Bengals props. thats a first.. I love there draft.. You forgot to mention they drafted the best punter in the country who also played at UC!! I agree. It is hard to believe they could draft this good

Anonymous said...

O'connel wasnt taken for his catching ability you fucking idiot, Kansas city wanted a good blocking TE and thats why they got. why dont you do some fucking research before you write stupid ass comments all over this terrible site

GMoney said...

Oh wow, anon, coming in a day late and trying to bring it strong. Thanks for bringing the hits and always remember that I am better than you at everything. Fucking faggot.