Monday, April 13, 2009

Broken-Hearted


The great Wes Mantooth, son of the saint, Gloria Mantooth, once said that "today we spell redemption, R-O-N". I respect Wes's desire to change the spelling of words. Hell, I would even be willing to take him out to a nice seafood dinner but never call him again. And taking a cue from this second place San Diego newsman, I, too, would like to change the spelling of a well known word in the English language. For today only, we spell heartbroken, "G-M-O-N-E-Y". Allow me to explain.

My RedHawks - Oh man. I'm no college hockey expert but having witnessed the 2004 Yankees in the ALCS, I know what a choke looks and feels like. That was a choke. When you are up 3-1 with less than a minute to go, conventional wisdom states that you should win. Statistically speaking, your odds of winning the game have to be 98%. Hell, my mom and I already had beers out to celebrate Miami's first ever national championship in the 200 years of the university's existence. But it was not in the cards on Saturday night. Boston U hammers in 2 goals in the last minute and then gets a deflection in overtime and Miami fans around the world are left sitting there thinking about what could have been. Man, that sucked. For a sport that I only started paying attention to over the past three weeks, it sure did sting like a motherfucker. We were heavy underdogs yet dominated for 59 minutes of the game and it's all taken away. It has been a very long time since I've felt that bad after a game. We deserved that. That was ours. Fuck. Maybe in 200 more years we can raise a national title banner!

My Yankees - Sure, they are looking much better today than they did 5 days ago, but something happened this week that has me concerned. Nick Swisher is mashing. Freaking killing the ball. These stats are not official, but I'm pretty sure that he has 35 RBI in the last 4 games. I want to not like him. I thought that he was a terrible addition to the team. Saturday night, I was discussing Swish's transformation into a decent hitter with some White Sox fans and they both said the same thing: "In a month, when he's hitting .208, all of your announcers will be saying only one thing about him...he's such a great clubhouse guy. That will be it." I hope that they aren't right.

My Redskins - Mel Kiper thinks that they will draft Mark Sanchez. Please, God, no don't do it.

My Cavaliers - The only reason that they disappointed me was by not beating the Celtics by 50...like they could have. Have you ever noticed that while neither of these teams can win in the others' gym, the Celtics have to scrap to beat the Cavs in Boston while the Cavs absolutely murder them every time they set foot in The Q??? It's something to think about. By the way, Pistons fans, you better pray to God that you finish as the 7 seed. You don't want this.

The Masters - Saturday night, while discussing the final round at the bar, everyone was picking Kenny Perry to win. I believed that Angel Cabrera would since he's won a major before. Clearly, I am the smartest man in Henry County (whi isn't saying much). What a great final round though. Tiger and Phil did not disappoint. I absolutely hate Phil, but his front 9 yesterday was absolutely sensational. It wasn't at a RedHawks hockey level, but Perry choked the shit out of it. It was over and he blew it. I was rooting for him because he's a nice guy and is probably one of the best players to never win a major, but his window has probably shut for good now. And how about Jim Nantz talking about azaleas for at least an hour on Saturday. I swear to God, if Nantz could have sex with Butler Cabin, he would. And I was right about another thing...Chad Campbell would not even be close on Sunday! Shhh, don't ruin this for me. It's still not a better tournament than the British Open though, but still always a quality watch at Augusta.

My pompous attitude - So, the vegetarianism for ol' G$ is done and over with. And while I'm quite happy that it's over, I kind of miss it. It was enjoyable to act like you're better than everyone else (eventhough I already know this to be true) just because you have tremendous willpower. To answer your question, this is how I fell off the wagon. I went to Easter Mass with my mom yesterday morning, we got home at about 9:10 AM, and I immediately grilled up some brats. For breakfast. It was fantastic. If you can tell me any other breakfast better than 2 brats and a cup of coffee, go fuck yourself because I don't want to hear about it. As my buddy, Black, says, "eat your brat, ya twat".

My Blue Jackets - Oh, well done, assholes. All you needed was one point in your last two games this weekend to lock up the 6 seed and thus avoid the Red Wings in the first round. Couldn't do it. In fact, they were embarrassed in both games. So instead of playing a Vancouver team that they could actually beat, the CBJ now get the defending Stanley Cup champions who, while they have struggled with us over the past two years compared to the rest of the league (I believe they are .500 against us in that time frame), should have no trouble sending us home in 4 or 5 games. Fucking idiots.

My Social Life - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much hanging out with Damman, Mr. Ace, Li'l Strut, and Naptown Wolverine. I had to take 3 showers last night to get all the gay off of me. They were literally wiping their homo scent on me all weekend. She$ was not impressed.

I need something good to happen this week. I took it way too far up the ass this weekend and I don't even like taking it up the ass. Maybe if I throw a trident through someone it will make me feel better. Oh shit, the gay is back again...I need another shower. See you all tomorrow.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

*The Red Hawks choke was hilarious...I think you earned it after your Fiesta Bowl choke blog.

*I'm very pleased with my Wings going against the Poo Jackets.

--Drew

Dustin said...

Brats for breakfast sounds awful... Unless you're washing it down with a beer at 9 am before a football game.

I felt bad for Miami even before I realized they blew a 2 goal lead in the final minute. It would suck to lose on such a fluke goal. Oh well- If it was going to happen to anyone I'm glad its you!

Dustin said...

And why no mention of the first place Detroit tigers?

GMoney said...

In my correct opinion, a school that has never won anything doesn't deserve to lose like that while all Ohio State fans should be murdered by clowns.

Dut, maybe if you didn't puss out on life by going to New Jersey instead of facing me one-on-one at RSB, we would have discussed the greatness of Brandon Inge today.

Anonymous said...

G$,

That scent on you may be from some of the "performers" that Damman is fond of. I know it rubs off on him and he smells of cheap wal-mart perfume everytime I am around him.

I watched the whole 3rd Period of the Redhawks game. I was rooting for Miami and thought it was over when they scored their 3rd goal. However, once in overtime, I knew it was Boston's. The look of disbelief and lack of confidence on the Miami Players' faces let you know they checked out with 18 seconds left in regulation. Tough break.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

One last time... great masters prediction.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

You swallowed my gay, a shower won't help.

Tony B. said...

200 years and no championship? I don't ever want to about the Cubs futility again.

Swisher will be fine. One bad season with the d-bags on the southside doesn't mean much. If nothing else it's also a stop gap until the other hitters start to get hot.

GMoney said...

LS, give your brother and Littlest Thompson my thanks for texting me as soon as Miami lost on Saturday. That was much appreciated.

Mr. Ace, Mrs. Ace loves me...deal with it. She is tired of wasting her time with an asshole that wears a Harold Baines jacket.

I'm trying to come up with a decent nickname for Swish. I'm usually pretty good at this sort of thing.

Anonymous said...

Texting G$ after the 'Hawks lost was low......I thought he blogged in here one day, that he doesn't do that, and that it is a bush league move. Now the next day....game on......

And G$, great call on the brats for breakfast.....I don't drink coffee, but the brats kick ass!!

Did you take it into the bathroom like your co-worker did his egg mcmuffin and drop a duece at the same time, to kill two birds with one stone??

--LWM

Irishman said...

Your wrong about Chad Campbell.

The Foreskins need Marc Sanchez..LoL.

Nice Run Redhawks.

And...

The Cavs.. Be prepared for the world to be shocked. Upset city baby. as the Pistons will knock them out.