Monday, March 16, 2009

Walking In Fallujah

So on Saturday night, G$ met up with some friends at The Big Bang downtown. It's a new dueling pianos bar that is right across the street from Nationwide Arena. It is fucking awesome. Damman and I have been to the same bar when we were in Nashville last year and the Ohio version is just as sweet (eventhough it is smaller). Look, I'm too old to go to popped-collar bars and sitting around listening to music that makes my brain bleed (rap). This sort of atmosphere is more up my alley.

Live music of songs that I know and all by request of the other bar patrons...hells yes. I know that many of my readers are cynical and look for any moment to call me a fag, but I don't care because a dueling pianos bar is the tits.

Anyway, the night is winding down and they are only going to play a few more songs before kicking everyone out for the night. For some strange reason, the more beer that I drank, the more that I wanted to hear Walking In Memphis. While I do enjoy the genius of Marc Cohn, I do not really know why I was so hung up on hearing that song played. Maybe I was pumped after watching the Tigers win the C-USA title?

I'm explaining my burning desire for this tune to my buddy who served two tours over in Iraq (we'll call him "Z" because that's what he goes by anyway). He had listened to me whine about this for close to 3 hours. Z decided to take matters into his own hands.

Z: Do you really want to hear Walking In Memphis?
G$: Fuck yeah.
Z: Alright, I'll take care of it.
G$: What the fuck could you possibly do to get these guys to play it?
Z: I've got my ways. I'll tell them that I just got back from Iraq. It works every time.
G$: Wait, wait, wait. You are going to tell this guy that you just got back from Iraq, which you've been back from for around 3 years now, and that it would mean everything to you if they played some Marc Cohn.
Z: Pretty much, yeah.

10 seconds later, I was putting on my blue suede shoes and boarding a plane. It was amazing how effective the "tour of duty" card can be. But usually it's used in cases of getting laid, getting some free drinks, or perhaps getting off on a speeding ticket. You never hear about America's heroes using their enlistment to help their loser friend hear a song that was barely popular. Bizarre.

Now I may be too old, lazy, and fat to set foot in the Middle East, but I will always be able to touch down in the land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain. Ha. However you feel about this pointless post, I totally recommend The Big Bang if you are ever out boozing in Columbus.


Tony B. said...

People have used that line on me to make requests- and it's worked. From here on out, if I ever hear that line again, they'll be a voice in the back of my head reminding of this story.

Also, that's crazy the piano guys knew Walking in Memphis- sounds like they have wide range.

Mr. Ace said...

So Damman rips on your shitty post friday, then asks you on a man-date. So you go on this man-date to repair your relationship. And then you go back to his place and have wild make up sex while Z stands guard and gives orders Gitmo style. And you wonder why your readers call you a fag.

GMoney said...

You've got it all wrong, Ace. Now go back to your fantasies of spending the rest of your days on Tahiti with a certain someone's uncle.

KPietsch said...

The Military card works everytime. It will get me in to every single Cubs game this year... sure watching the Cubs play is no martch to listening to Marc Cohn.(I wonder if he's related to Jerry Cohn?)

Anonymous said...

I will never rip on you for going to a dueling piano bar. Of the top 5 most fun nights I have had at bars, piano bars probably make up 3 of them.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

It was a blast. One of the Best Bars in CBus!!

-Big Strut