Monday, March 23, 2009

Smarch Madness

Lousy Smarch weather... Oh. Hello. Didn't see you there. And why should I have? I'm better than you. In case you might have forgotten, this blog does still update daily now that our little mini-vacation of nothingness is over. You may have heard about this little thing called the World Baseball Classic? And I want to talk about it today. That is what an idiot might say. Let's talk college hoops, shall we? I've been concentrating all of my energy on CBS over the past 4 days and it's high time that I unleash my sexy thoughts. A few things before we tip off:

-That Callahan kid better start showing up to class soon otherwise some pedophile is going to snatch him up. And that commercial has been played so often that I hope that the kid's innocence gets stolen.
-Hey, old lady, Enterprise Rent-A-Car is not expensive. And your son is gay. Moooooooom!
-Harper's Island appears to be the worst show ever.
-The HBO documentary on UNC/Duke is pretty amazing. I recommend it only to hear Jay Bilas say that Matt Doherty pulled a shot out of his ass.

-Ah yes, one of those days that describes perfectly why people around the world hate Americans. I did not leave the recliner, shower, or change out of my sweatpants. And I took a nap. Glorious.
-Roburt Sallie sure has made a name for himself, no? 10 fucking three's against CS-Northridge and the ONLY reason why the Tigers are still dancing.
-For as bad a coach as Mark Turgeon is, A&M fucking owns BYU.
-Dear Maryland and Cal, thanks for making me take a nap.
-Time Warner used to give us all 4 games at once but apparently that has stopped this year. Fuck them. Worst cable company ever. And I've never understood why we can't ever watch the 5 pm West region game. I don't give a shit about the local news.
-Michigan/Clemson was by far the worst game of the tournament. Those teams were terrible. I've never seen so many airballs/shots that hit glass only than in this game. The Oglesby fuck deserved to get the boot. Note to everyone: NEVER HAVE FAITH IN OLIVER PURNELL. The guy is awful. I really want to kill Zach Novak but then again, I've always hated people with Down's Syndrome.
-Did you see the Zags in the second half against Akron? That team is for real and poised for a deep run. They have zero weaknesses.
-UCLA/VCU was ok and Eric Maynor can play in the Association but in the end, the Bruins aren't the kind of team that gets beaten by an inferior foe.
-Illinois sucks. Readers, you need to realize this next year, NEVER bank on teams coached by morons (see: Illinois, Clemson, and Wake Forest).

-Buke, Damman, Swi-Daddy, and myself decided to make the 30 mile drive to Catalfino's to watch the first games. 97.1 FM The Fan was having a live remote out there so we got to witness The Common Man and The Torg (pictured with Tera Patrick!) in action. Torg kept making eye contact with me and it was awkward. I'm fairly certain that he took a shit after the show was over. Awesome. Greatest idea I've ever had (until I wear down She$ and she agrees that a nacho cheese fountain would be an excellent addition to our wedding reception/bedroom/vehicles).
-Excellent 8/9 game with OSU/Tennessee going down to the wire. As much I love Bruce Pearl, I was rooting against his team. That is how much I hate JP Prince.
-Damn, my two big upsets that I picked in EVERY bracket were Utah State over Marquette and North Dakota State. So close. Bison fever is apparently a disease that causes people to make bad bracket choices. Who knew? And I miss the days in which Bill Self's team would lose in the first round every year. I want those days back.
-Uh oh, Pitt looks ripe for the upset...again. What is it with these guys? They look great during the regular season but when the lights come on, they fold. I feel bad for those that picked them to win it all. On second thought, no I don't.
-Fuck you, Bob Huggins. Fuck you in your smelly goat ass. There goes an Elite 8 team of mine. Thank you, Gus Johnson, for telling everyone that Dayton's Charles Little's nickname is "Dinosaur Head". Just like Napoleon High School's very own, Jermaine Brooks! Gave me a good chuckle. And for as great as Gus is, Len Elmore is fucking terrible.
-Utah, Boston College, and Wake Forest are all horrendous. Oh, you can add Al Skinner to the list of coaches that you should always pick against. Call them the "anti-Bo Ryan's".
-And then there was Ohio State. Sigh. What do you say about an epic choke job? Thad Matta is a great recruiter but a very average game coach. They had that game. How do you not figure out that press? Why is BJ Mullens not getting touches? Why are you giving up a double/double to a guy that looks like he played for Hickory High? The better team didn't win but the better coach did. And why is it that Evan Turnover is now allowed to take three steps every time he drives to the hoop? And how bad of a job did CBS do switching between this game and the Wisconsin game? However you want to slice it, and I'm sure OSU fans will storm the comments making excuses, the Buckeyes are going home! Way to lose a home game to a mid-major! Way to get outrebounded by 1000 when you have the two biggest players in the game! Losers. Stupid losers.

-Bye, bye UCLA, A&M, and Maryland, we hardly knew ye. And Greivis Vasquez, you should probably shut your fucking mouth before slandering a team that is MUCH better than yours. For the record, Memphis would have finished either first or second in the ACC this year. There, I said it.
-I love Purdue. Great game against Warrrrshington. It can't be easy to play a road game in an arena filled with Huskies fans.
-Ty Lawson is back. Did anyone think that he wasn't go to play? Pssst, UNC is going to lose their next game.
-So long, Michigan. I didn't think that you had an answer for Snake Griffin and you didn't. You didn't belong in the tourney this year but Beilein is building something. Just imagine what he could do with OSU's players. Wow. If you take Beilein's schemes with Matta's recruiting you get the next fucking John Wooden.
-Listened to the late games on the way back from Cincy...sounded great. Although PJ Carlesimo sounded like he good use another choking.
-Fuck you, Argosy Casino. Why yes, I would love to get 14's and 15's against a 7 or better on every blackjack hand! I had to set some sort of record for futility. I was like the Oliver Purnell of blackjack.
-I went 8-0 on my bracket on Saturday. Eight and fucking o.

-I love James Harden, but he was fucking terrible in both games. He played like a puss. And how stupid was Herb Sendek for leaving their center in the game with 4 fouls and 10 minutes left? Of course he was going to foul out! Have you ever talked to a big guy? They are ALL idiots! Syracuse is looking scary. By the way, how awesome is the Memphis regional of Gonzaga/UNC and Cuse/Sooners? That is tits-tastic.
-As Patches O'Houlihan once said, "watching Xavier and Wisconsin play was like watching a retard trying to hump a doorknob". How can anyone like that Bohannon guy?
-Pitt still looks shaky. DeJuan Blair is a man-child but, as I said earlier, I don't trust them.
-Hey Ohio State fan, did you see what Louisville did to Siena yesterday? They actually closed the game out against a pesky team. I hope you all took notes.
-USC/Michigan State was surprisingly entertaining. Mr. Ace, remember two weeks ago when you ripped me for saying that USC would be better this year without Mayo? Yeah, suck on that one. When is Izzo shaving his head like he promised anyway?
-Goodbye, Cleveland State and Dayton...the state of Ohio took it on the chin. So long, Dinosaur Head.
-Whew, I'm glad that Missourah held on. Mike Anderson is like the Mike Tomlin of college hoops...just one chill motherfucker.

OK, time to take a college hoops break for the next 3 days. I need it. I'm exhausted. And I typed waaaaaaay too much today.


MUdawgfan said...

Mike Anderson's coaching strategy:

"Press, press, press, press, run, press, press, press, press, alley oop, press, press, press, press, press."

I hope we can steal him away and bring him to the SEC.

Anonymous said...

Thad told P.J. and everyone else on the floor to foul if they were up three. For some reason P.J. decided not to do it and thought it would be better to give up an uncontested 3. After hearing this, I put less of the blame on Thad and more of it on dumbass players.

They haven't passed Mullins the ball all year. Why would they all of the sudden start doing it?

Louisvill is about a 1,000 times better team than OSU. That's why they closed out Siena. Although, I think Siena showed that they are a pretty damn good team.


GMoney said...

There we go! Our first batch of excuses!

Mike Anderson the coach = awesome
Mike Anderson the RB = terrible

Anonymous said...

I didnt't think that I was making excuses. I called OSU players dumbasses and gave credit to Siena and Louisville. I didn't think giving reasons for the loss and giving credit to other teams was making excuses. Actually, isn't that the complete opposite of making excuses? But, I guess an OSU fan really has no chance on this site.


Matt said...

I'm glad Mullens didn't get to dominate. I can't see anybody on this team going pro, so the team is pretty stacked next year.

Turner is solid as a combo guy - better ball-handler than any point we have.

Lauderdale and Mullens make a good inside combo. They should be able to impose their will and force teams to try to go big.

Mr. Ace said...

I will bet 1$ that Buford is gone. If Cook left and was drafted in the first round then Buford is a lock.

I still find it hard to believe that this years usc team is better than last years, but you can't argue with results.

Don't be a fucktard. Michigan deserved to be in the tourney. We beat a fucking 7 seed! And then played tough against oklahoma despite being highly over matched.

Why the fuck would the fuckeyes give Mullens the ball? You moron.

Anonymous said...

G$...I think the girl on the left in your ASU Cheerleader picture, is former ASU Cheerleader turned porn star Courney Simpson. Which means you have two pictures with porn star in them for this one blog.

Very cool.


GMoney said...

Mullens is gone. Read his postgame quotes.

rstiles said...

Fucking awesome!!!

Allan Stokke said...

googles "Courtney Simpson"

GMoney said...

It's not Courtney Simpson. That picture was taken a few months ago. The whole fiasco surrounding her was years ago.