Friday, March 27, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire

I have not seen this year's Oscar winner for Best Picture, but I assume that it is the story of BJ Mullens' life. I mean, come on, kid grows up in a homeless shelter in a shithole town and then hits the lottery to help his family eventhough it's the worst possible move for him...pretty much sums it up, right?

So BJ Mullens (those are some scary-ass eyebrows) is the latest one-and-done from the Ohio State basketball program. He pretty much played below expectations all season long. He was passive. He had no offensive moves other than the "dunk on guys 6 inches shorter than him". He could not be trusted in the clutch. Seriously, what the fuck is he thinking?

He isn't ready for the NBA. Hell, he wasn't ready for the Big Ten. He'll be lucky to break any team's rotation in his first two seasons in the league. This move was all about greed. And that's the sad thing. He'll end up being Darko Milicic with a trash 'stache and bounce around from team to team for five years until nobody wants him around anymore. The money will always be there. How about building up a game that can actually get you that coveted second contract. The one that actually changes your life. And if his family really needs the cash, I'm fairly certain that former OSU coach, Jim O'Brien, would have no problem giving them a secret sack of money. He's done it before.

But what about next year's Buckeye team? Where do they go from here? They already have nobody coming in (but now should have a free scholarship). They have no point guard as evidenced by the Siena debacle and they have no big men. Thad Matta could honestly be the first coach to ever start 5 2 guards only because those are the only people that he can trust. Or he could just unleash Club Trillion founder and owner of the wettest jumper on the planet, Mark Titus, onto the world. That would be sick. Bone-crushing screens for everyone! Even with Evan Turner and Willie Buford likely sticking around, it could be a rough year at The Schott next season.

So, Buckeye fans, before we leave for the weekend, I want you all to close your eyes and think of your favorite memory of the BJ Mullens era in Columbus. Some that immediately come to my mind are:

-the time that he threw a dunk down on Purdue and stared down a Boilermaker eventhough they were down 20
-the time that he threw a dunk down on Illinois and stared down an Illini player eventhough they were down 20
-getting shutout against a terrible Indiana team
-scoring 2 points and fouling out in the Big Ten tourney win over Wisconsin
-getting outplayed by Ryan Rossiter in the NCAA tournament which may have been the worst performance by a 7-footer in the history of basketball

There are so many great moments that took place over the past 4 months in BJ Mullens playing career. While he is projected to go somewhere between 15-21 in the Draft, at least now his dad can upgrade from homemade gin to Pabst. And isn't that the goal of every baller? I know that it's the goal of this blogger. Have a good weekend everyone. As for me, the umpiring season starts tomorrow and then I'm heading to the aforementioned Schott to watch the Tinora Rams try and win a state title...pretty intense. Back on Monday.


Anonymous said...

It's pretty funny that he wasn't good enough to start ahead of Dallas Lauderdale, but he thinks he is ready for the NBA.

He will be working at Shell with Lydell Ross and KoKo in 5 years.


Anonymous said...

You mention that his dad will upgrade from homemade gin to pabst...but I'm pretty sure his dad is dead, which is partially why they are in financial trouble. I hope you feel good about yourself.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Ouch, I didn't know that. Oh boy, we're off to a good start today. I did think that the homemade gin to Pabst line was pretty good. Let's just substitute his uncle then.

That Shell would pretty sweet. All the gyros and fake strip club dollars that you want!

Jeff said...

G$, I'll be at the schott on Saturday also. Watched Tinora win a good one last night, but they're in trouble on Saturday. You should make it over there today at 5:15 to catch the next great Ohio State star and Mr. Basketball, Jared Sullinger.

GMoney said...

His dad is still alive, he's just a deadbeat. I just read the article and it made no mention. Tasteless joke is back on!!!

Mr. Ace said...

Why don't you suck off Titus some more. I'm surprised you didn't devote the entire post to him or link to him every other word.

BJ Mullens will be a fucking stud in the league.

GMoney said...

Wow, Ace, you really threw a curveball there. This can't be the real Mr. Ace. The real Mr. Ace is a douchebag beyond epic proportions. He isn't retarted enough to say things like BJ Mullens is going to be a stud.

I dedicated one sentence to Titus. I gave the entire post to Mullens. In your weird world of literary sex, what does that mean that I want to do with him?

Go fuck a hammer.

Anonymous said...

I actually think the Bucks are going to be pretty tough next year.

First, I'm starting ET at point like Memphis has done with Tyreke Evans.

So, you got...

PG- Evan Turner (NBA 1st Rounder)
SG- William Buford (NBA 1st Rounder)
SF- Jon Diebler (Wet J)
PF- David Lighty (huge to get him back..definitely out of position...but only player that can play defense)
C- Dallas (bum)

Then you bring Hill, Offutt, Zsis (7 foot transfer) Simmons and Madsen off the bench.

That will be a pretty good team.

Then the MONSTER 2010 recruiting class comes in. Including three of the top 18 players in the kids too..not stiff tall white guys...


GMoney said...

Uh, Drew, Jon Deibler's J is not wet. In fact, he is awful in 75% of the games that he plays in.

Turnover is an interesting case. He really needs to work on his ball-handling this summer because if he's your PG with his current skill-set, you are going to struggle. But like I said, you don't have any bigs or point's going to be a mixed bag next year.

Anonymous said...

Uh, G$...Diebler's J is indeed wet. He finished 4th in the big ten in 3-PT FG % at 41.6%...making 96 of them (second most in the conference). But, why bring facts into this right?


GMoney said...

Come on, man. He does not pass the "eye test". You can throw out numbers until the cows come home (whatever that means), Deibler is not a difference maker and he isn't consistent.

Anonymous said...

There was talk this morning that Mullens is going to be a lottery pick???? WTF???

This guy can't start ot OSU, but he is expected to be drafted ahead of Hansbrough (G$, even though you despise T.H., you got to admit that he (Mullens) should not be drafted ahead of him).....


Dustin said...

Ace- you should take notes on titus' blogspot... He writes things that people want to read!

Anonymous said...

G$...I think Diebler is going to be a very solid player next year. Just think about how much he improved from his Freshman season this year. He sucked donkey balls as a Freshman and I was one of his biggest haters. But, he was a pretty decent player this year who made a ton of threes. He's going to be a very good four year player for us, which is exactly what we need right now with the NBA comers and goers.


J Beanie said...

You giving him five years and a Darko comparison is way to nice. I really hope no NBA team drafts him and he ends up homeless again.

FYI - I'm coming to Columbus all weekend with the entire crew (Seal, Rosie, Frank, etc, but no W) for a bachelor party so look out for us Saturday night somewhere in the arena district.

Anonymous said...

Beanie, you had me excited until you said W wasn't coming. Seal isn't near cool enough.


allan stokke said...

The sad thing is, even Darko got a second contract for 3 years 21 million.

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