Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Rest In Peace, Asshole

It's like Christmas fucking morning for me today. For one of my mortal enemies has left the public spotlight. The air smells sweeter today. Food tastes better. The sun is out. Birds are chirping. And it's all because of of one monumental event...Curt Schilling is FINALLY gone! Now he can spend his days writing on his shitty blog (look who's talking) or wearing homoerotic Hawaiian shirts just like the big, fat party animal that he is.

I've said it here countless times and, for the last time, I'll say it again: Curt Schilling is BY FAR my least favorite "athlete" of all time. I put athlete in quotes since he had a penchant for showing up at Spring Training tipping the scales at 600 lbs. He played for the Red Sox. He is a conservative asshole. He assumes that everyone should care about his opinion. He's a dickhead. He fucks poodles. He's everything that you would hate in a human being. Oh yeah, and he painted his sock to make his pussy look hardcore back in the series which will remain nameless.

I've never been to his site, and never will out of spite, but I was able to lift a segment of his "retirement blog" from another site (I will interject when need be):

The game always gave me far more than I ever gave it. (Considering that he gave baseball nothing, that seems like an accurate statement) All of those things, every single one of those memories is enveloped with fan sights and sounds for me. (How could he ever forget being told to go fuck himself by 99% of America) Without the fans they would still be great memories, but none would be enduring and unforgettable because they infused the energy, rage, passion and ‘feel’ of all of those times (blah, blah, blah I love George Bush, someone get me a wheel of cheese, and I would really like to skull-fuck the decapitated head of Ted Williams)…I did everything I could to win every time I was handed the ball. (It's too damn bad that your competitive spirit won't get you into the hall of fame...and I believe that he was handling balls more than once every 5 days coughKevinMillarcough)

I am and always will be more grateful than any of you could ever possibly know. (I know one thing, you are a sack of Andre The Giant's shit and I am grateful that you kept up with the lie that you painted your sock. Fucking bitch.)

Goodbye, Curt. May you enjoy the rest of your life licking crumbs out of Randy Johnson's mustache and growing one of the most fantastic FUPA's this side of Charlie Weis. I wish nothing but the worst for you. Enjoy Hell you rat bastard. And to my readers, enjoy the "action" photos of Schilling looking gay/athletic.


Anonymous said...

Goodbye, Schill. You are a great American and a great role model for all of us to follow. Your beloved band of "idiots" were most enjoyable to watch back in '04 making a certain team forever your bitches and for that we are all thankful.

We will never forget where we were when you heroically took the ball and on one leg shut down the overpaid assholes from NY which helped complete the biggest choke job in the history of sports.

Baseball will not be the same without you. I hope that ESPN will use your greatness and hire you as a commentator so we can still hear from you on regular basis.

You're the man, Schill. Don't ever change.


Jeff said...

Couldn't have said it better myself, damman.

Dustin said...

I'm not sure and Indians and Ohio state fan is allowed to call another team out for the greatest choke job ever.

I think the real reason g$ hates schilling is because his blog is much more entertaining!

Anonymous said...

I would say blowing an 3-0 lead in a best of seven would qualify as the biggest choke job, especially when the last two games were at home.

Dut, thank you for pointing out my team's failings. I thought we could join forces here against a common enemy, but I guess play time is over. So go chug a Mt. Dew with the rest of the inbred Tiger fanbase.


Mr. Ace said...


GMoney said...

I see how it is. All of you faggots are taking Curt Schilling's side. That makes sense actually. After all, you believe that Omar Vizquel should be in the Hall of Fame and that is about as ignorant as it gets.

Jeff, go fuck yourself, too.
Dut, do fuck a woman (you know, those humans that you find icky).
Ace, I assume that you are talking about the upcoming 2009 World Series title for the Yankees so we're cool.

Tony B. said...

Just heard Dan Shaughnessy interviewed on the Dan Patrick show and he said if he voted today, he's voting no on Schilling to get into the Hall. If Schilling can't even get the Red Sox fanboy to vote for him, I doubt he's going in.

Anonymous said...

G-Man -

We stand alone in our hatred of a man that put ketchup on his sock in order to draw more attention to himself.

GMoney said...

We do not stand alone. There are millions of people that feel the same way that we do. Stand tall today, my friend.

MuDawgfan said...

May you burn in hell for having gay consensual sex with Mitch Williams and the rest of the 93 Phillies.

Go to hell Schilling.