Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Hineygate Is Officially Dead

If you've never been to Ohio State for a football Saturday, you missed out on one of the greatest parties ever. For each home game over the past 26 years, the Holiday Inn on Lane Avenue (formerly Champions Lane!) hosted Hineygate...a party that started three hours before the game and went on for 2 hours after the game. It was awesome and it featured everything. And keep in mind, this is coming from someone who despises anything that has to do with Ohio State...yet I always enjoy these events.

-at least 4,000 people from Henry County
-fake Tim Middleton
-$8 beers that get warm four seconds after you buy them
-some random idiot shaving off his mustache
-mediocre band of old guys singing 30 year old rock songs (I Fought The Law and the Law Won was my favorite)
-saggy tits from trashy broads in their late 40's
-stuck up college chicks that won't flash their knobs eventhough they are sitting on some drunk guy's shoulders
-throwing beers up in the air when the party concludes (and hoping to hit the guy in the Red Sox hat)
-the time that I launched half of a beer at the stage from at least 90 feet away and drilled one of the assholes in the band with it (best throw of my life)

But it's gone. It's all gone. As of yesterday, 3/30/2009, Hineygate is dead. Where in the bloody Hell am I going to go to see floppy jugs with stretch marks now!!! Probably at Private Dancer, I guess. I'm sure that Drew can give me a better scouting report on that place.


rstiles said...

I love saggy titties....LMAO!!!!

Grumpy said...

Trashy broads in their late 40's are the best. Early 50's even better.

GMoney said...

I'll take your word on that.

Dustin said...

I heard that there are still a few options... But this may just be denial. Hineygate is the only reason I moved to columbus (and for my job). Fuck!!!!

Dustin said...

"formerly champions lane!" ... Are you a closet buckeye fan, g$!?

MuDawgfan said...

What - you need a special zone to drink outdoors and look at tits?

Jesus Christ, Big 10 football and its fandom gets worse and worse every day.

Anonymous said...

A part of me died yesterday.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

It looks like we'll have to move down to Riverwatch where all the white trash (i.e. Tigers and Steelers fans) hang out.


Dustin said...

Looks like you'll be adding an Indians fan to the mix of white trash, Damman.

America's said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, random "Private Dancer" reference.